Reviews tagging 'Child abuse'

The Gift of Fear: And Other Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence by Gavin de Becker

8 reviews

thatsssorachael's review against another edition

challenging dark informative sad slow-paced

2.0

I went into this book hoping to learn some new info about fear, intuition and how to protect myself as a woman. Instead I walked out with a tremendously bad taste in my mouth at the victim blaming specifically in the domestic violence chapter. Calling a victim of domestic violence a volunteer in the abuse because she didn’t leave is tone deaf, goes against all we know about DV and the power/control dynamics in an abusive relationship and doesn’t take into account the fact leaving a relationship takes a significant level of privilege. The main reasons someone does not leave are finances (especially as many abusers intentionally control the money), having nowhere to go or no one to turn to, and as complicated as it is, having children in the house makes it harder to leave even though we can all agree she SHOULD leave for them. It’s not as simple as De Becker wanted us to believe and as an expert in this field he should absolutely know that. 

The first 2 chapters were him advertising his firm. The entire book really came across as a humble brag, which is not why I wanted to read this book. The little bit of info I read about safety was mostly common sense and common knowledge. Since this book was written in 1997 and never updated, a lot of info was incorrect or irrelevant now. 

Not sure I’d recommend. 

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Domestic abuse, Gun violence, Violence, and Stalking

Moderate: Child abuse

quibiee's review against another edition

challenging informative reflective medium-paced

4.0

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Content Warnings

Moderate: Addiction, Alcoholism, Child abuse, Child death, Death, Domestic abuse, Drug abuse, Drug use, Emotional abuse, Gun violence, Mental illness, Physical abuse, Rape, Self harm, Sexual assault, Sexual violence, Suicide, Violence, Blood, Grief, Cannibalism, Stalking, Death of parent, Murder, and Sexual harassment

ms_gouldbourne's review against another edition

emotional informative tense medium-paced

5.0

This book should be required reading for every human being alive - and no, I'm not going to say just women, although the safety information contained within is undoubtedly more relevant for women. I've read The Gift of Fear several times, and it shakes me to my core every single time. I will say that I find Lundy Bancroft's Why Does He Do That a lot more informative and sympathetic specifically on the subject of domestic violence, but I'm not going to remove any stars for that because Gavin de Becker's exploration of intuition is simply unparalleled. A must-read!

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Gun violence

Moderate: Child abuse, Domestic abuse, Mental illness, Physical abuse, Rape, Sexual assault, Sexual violence, Suicide, Violence, Blood, Suicide attempt, Death of parent, Murder, Sexual harassment, and Injury/Injury detail

sidneypearson's review against another edition

informative medium-paced

4.5

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Content Warnings

Moderate: Child abuse, Domestic abuse, Gun violence, Mental illness, Rape, Sexual assault, Violence, Mass/school shootings, Murder, and Sexual harassment

sassmistress's review against another edition

informative tense fast-paced

4.5

Very informative and engaging. With all the heavy content, I'm not sure if it will exacerbate anxiety, but the author was intentional about trying to alleviate it. I did like the section on worry showing how to get to the root of the concern, rather than reacting to the surface fear. 

There are a few things I would take with a grain of salt, such as the interview questions (and reliance on "intuition") that are likely to result in ablist hiring decisions. The heavy focus on intuition, with all the examples given, likely creates some survivorship bias ("I had a bad feeling about x, and then something happened" may leave out all the times nothing happened). 

There is a good section on spotting risk factors for DV, and for that reason I may recommend it for teenagers. 

I didn't enjoy the chapter on assassination, as it has more of a "true crime" bent and was less applicable, but many people enjoy that sort of content. 

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Domestic abuse, Gun violence, Violence, Stalking, Murder, and Injury/Injury detail

Moderate: Adult/minor relationship, Child abuse, Child death, Confinement, Death, Physical abuse, Rape, Sexual assault, Sexual violence, Suicide, Blood, and Alcohol

Minor: Addiction, Animal cruelty, Animal death, and Cannibalism

reefofchaos's review against another edition

slow-paced

0.5

This book is incredibly outdated, lacks any nuance or understanding of intersectionality, and it is, quite simply, and ode to the author's presumed understanding of the young middle class cis white woman victim. Do not read this in the 21st century.

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Child abuse, Domestic abuse, Gun violence, Violence, Stalking, and Murder

mondovertigo's review against another edition

informative inspiring fast-paced

5.0

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Child abuse, Domestic abuse, Gun violence, Mental illness, Misogyny, Rape, Sexual assault, Sexual violence, Violence, Mass/school shootings, Stalking, and Murder

Moderate: Alcoholism, Animal death, and Drug abuse

herbivorehaunts's review against another edition

dark informative medium-paced

3.5

A little dated (the audiobook quality itself as well as some of the content) but informative. It got a bit repetitive at times as it is one of those non-fiction books whose format is starting each point with an example, and then going through that example at length while describing the psychological point being made. As well I'd like to point out that this is a very dark book at times. This is a very helpful book and the examples and topics discussed are necessary for the book, but it talks at length about victims of domestic violence, rape, murder, and lots of other very heavy topics so be aware going into this one. 

I don't think the book is victim-blamey per se, but I will say that the author states both his data and stories from survivors in a concise, matter of fact way and doesn't warn or soften the blow for the reader. I don't think it is the intent of the author to victim-blame, but he can come off as a bit insensitive at times; this is a book presenting physiological scientific principles and is written throughout in a very textbook-like manner. If you have any sort of triggers having to do with domestic violence, rape, or other abuse I think it might be best to find a summary of the principles online instead of having to read account after account of very triggering subject matter. 

It's a very validating book, and an important topic. Women's intuition is often mocked, and we are taught to be polite even to random strangers over coming across as rude. Women are socialized to ignore their intuition and fear signals and this often puts us in danger. F*ck politeness. Listen to the survival signals that your body sends to you.

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Child death, Gun violence, Rape, and Death of parent

Moderate: Addiction, Child abuse, Domestic abuse, Sexual violence, and Violence