Reviews tagging 'Stalking'

The Gift of Fear: And Other Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence by Gavin de Becker

16 reviews

thatsssorachael's review against another edition

challenging dark informative sad slow-paced

2.0

I went into this book hoping to learn some new info about fear, intuition and how to protect myself as a woman. Instead I walked out with a tremendously bad taste in my mouth at the victim blaming specifically in the domestic violence chapter. Calling a victim of domestic violence a volunteer in the abuse because she didn’t leave is tone deaf, goes against all we know about DV and the power/control dynamics in an abusive relationship and doesn’t take into account the fact leaving a relationship takes a significant level of privilege. The main reasons someone does not leave are finances (especially as many abusers intentionally control the money), having nowhere to go or no one to turn to, and as complicated as it is, having children in the house makes it harder to leave even though we can all agree she SHOULD leave for them. It’s not as simple as De Becker wanted us to believe and as an expert in this field he should absolutely know that. 

The first 2 chapters were him advertising his firm. The entire book really came across as a humble brag, which is not why I wanted to read this book. The little bit of info I read about safety was mostly common sense and common knowledge. Since this book was written in 1997 and never updated, a lot of info was incorrect or irrelevant now. 

Not sure I’d recommend. 

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Domestic abuse, Gun violence, Violence, and Stalking

Moderate: Child abuse

quibiee's review against another edition

challenging informative reflective medium-paced

4.0

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Content Warnings

Moderate: Addiction, Alcoholism, Child abuse, Child death, Death, Domestic abuse, Drug abuse, Drug use, Emotional abuse, Gun violence, Mental illness, Physical abuse, Rape, Self harm, Sexual assault, Sexual violence, Suicide, Violence, Blood, Grief, Cannibalism, Stalking, Death of parent, Murder, and Sexual harassment

ella777's review against another edition

dark informative reflective fast-paced

3.5

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Content Warnings

Moderate: Gun violence, Rape, Toxic relationship, Violence, Stalking, Murder, and Sexual harassment

thirteenlaurels's review against another edition

informative reflective tense medium-paced

4.0

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Child death, Death, Domestic abuse, Gun violence, Pedophilia, Rape, Sexual assault, Sexual violence, Toxic relationship, Violence, Kidnapping, Mass/school shootings, Stalking, Car accident, Death of parent, Murder, and Sexual harassment

turtlebones's review against another edition

informative reflective medium-paced

4.5

i picked this book up b/c it was discussed during one of my ethics class and it was mentioned in a true crime podcast that i listen to. GdeB does a great job breaking down the different between worry/anxiety and true fear and using it to your advantage. He gives lots of great examples of cases that he has worked on and gives great tips to follow on determining and analyzing whether a situation one faces is worth fearing and relying on your gut instinct/intuition.

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Content Warnings

Moderate: Death, Domestic abuse, Mental illness, Rape, Sexual assault, Sexual violence, Suicide, Toxic relationship, Violence, Stalking, Suicide attempt, Murder, and Toxic friendship

lovejasmine's review against another edition

adventurous challenging dark emotional informative mysterious reflective tense medium-paced

5.0

Literally everyone needs to read this book - non-fiction but reads like a thriller 

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Content Warnings

Moderate: Death, Emotional abuse, and Gun violence

Minor: Mental illness, Misogyny, Physical abuse, Rape, Sexism, Sexual assault, Sexual violence, Violence, Kidnapping, Mass/school shootings, Stalking, Murder, Sexual harassment, and Injury/Injury detail

faithaforman's review against another edition

dark informative inspiring reflective medium-paced

4.0

Quite informative, definitely attempts to teach the difference between fear and worry, how to understand what our bodies try to tell us, and ways to keep safe. Sadly there is a need for this type of guidance, and decades after it was written it's as relevant as ever.

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Gun violence, Mental illness, Misogyny, Rape, Sexual assault, Sexual violence, Toxic relationship, Violence, Stalking, Murder, and Sexual harassment

khristy's review against another edition

challenging informative inspiring reflective tense medium-paced

4.75

Writing: clear and concise
Profundity: so so so much useful information. I probably need to read this again, but overall the message is to listen to your hind brain, quit worrying about unlikely risks, and here are some super useful tips for stalkers. Oh, and we need to protect our children better. 

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Content Warnings

Moderate: Physical abuse, Sexual violence, Suicide, Torture, Stalking, and Schizophrenia/Psychosis

Those are all touched on in his example stories.

quasinaut's review against another edition

dark hopeful informative medium-paced

3.5

I'm glad I listened to the abridged version - I don't think I'd have the attention span or interest for the full book, but there were interesting sections here. The examples/scenarios are definitely dated, but some of the case studies did help drive home specific points:  when to listen to your gut, how to explicitly say no, why it's better to ignore or cut contact than engaging (because even saying "don't contact me" is furthering contact).  Essentially, it boils down to "figure out what your instinct is, then listen to it." 

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Content Warnings

Moderate: Misogyny, Panic attacks/disorders, Rape, Sexual assault, Violence, and Stalking

sassmistress's review against another edition

informative tense fast-paced

4.5

Very informative and engaging. With all the heavy content, I'm not sure if it will exacerbate anxiety, but the author was intentional about trying to alleviate it. I did like the section on worry showing how to get to the root of the concern, rather than reacting to the surface fear. 

There are a few things I would take with a grain of salt, such as the interview questions (and reliance on "intuition") that are likely to result in ablist hiring decisions. The heavy focus on intuition, with all the examples given, likely creates some survivorship bias ("I had a bad feeling about x, and then something happened" may leave out all the times nothing happened). 

There is a good section on spotting risk factors for DV, and for that reason I may recommend it for teenagers. 

I didn't enjoy the chapter on assassination, as it has more of a "true crime" bent and was less applicable, but many people enjoy that sort of content. 

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Domestic abuse, Gun violence, Violence, Stalking, Murder, and Injury/Injury detail

Moderate: Adult/minor relationship, Child abuse, Child death, Confinement, Death, Physical abuse, Rape, Sexual assault, Sexual violence, Suicide, Blood, and Alcohol

Minor: Addiction, Animal cruelty, Animal death, and Cannibalism