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whackettreading's review against another edition
emotional
funny
sad
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.25
Content Warnings
Graphic: Mental illness, Panic attacks/disorders, and Sexism
Minor: Racism
allisonwonderlandreads's review against another edition
emotional
hopeful
reflective
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
2.0
The hype for this book was so real for me. Harper's a Jewish dental student with anxiety, weighed down by the lingering trauma and grief of losing her mother as a child when they were both in a car accident. Dan's in dental school at the insistence of his mother, trying to live up to his deceased father's legacy, even though he hated the man and hates returning to school for something he's not passionate about. Unfortunately, this was a miss for me in the romance department and a full raging mess in the friendship category.
Instalove vibes are pretty *shrug* to me as a general rule. In this case, it's at least instant infatuation. it reminds me of a teenage crush in timbre but with two adult people. I have great fondness for both teenagers and for occasionally acting like them. It's probably good for your health. But the overall lack of maturity from two 26-year olds, one of whom gets to be addressed as "Dr." was jarring. Even their language felt like a badly written teen drama at times. For example, who asks a friend if she "humped" last night? For that alone, I would kick a friend to the curb, and this group has worse to answer for.
This could have been friends-to-lovers except they go on a date before the whole friends thing comes about, which casts a weird vibe on the whole affair. I felt like it placed more emphasis on the very intense lust they were mutually ignoring rather than actually building a friendship. Also, after one month, she considers him her best friend, so sorry to the previous holders of that title. It's less surprising once you've met them. More on that later. Dan's solicitousness towards Harper could be charming at times and overbearing at others. Like it's good he respected her wishes and the degree of intimacy she's comfortable with to stay friends only, but it always felt like he's just in the wings, waiting for her to reverse her decision and date/be in love with/have sex with him as if it's a foregone conclusion.
In general, Dan's white knight complex was a bit much for me. He wants to fix Harper's problems, even when it's not appropriate, i.e. in a work setting where she is the higher ranking person in the room. He also beats up her academic rival/tormentor, who is the cartoonish face of misogyny. So tada! he saved her from all the other sexist micro-aggressions, as well. Miracles happen, as they often do for cishet white men. His possessive caveman behavior (his words) isn't any better because of his self-awareness on the matter. Dan also wants to save his mom, who is cast in a decidedly helpless yet somehow also domineering role for most of the book. Also, his dad is an emotionally manipulative POS end of story, but I can't be the only one amused slash perplexed that Dan's most subversive/slackerly decision was to seek a job in ~finance~, where he is impassioned to make money and (in his own words) climb the corporate ladder. The shame! The piles of money! How could he not have pursued the noble profession of dentistry?? Like I would be ashamed of that, but your typical upper middle class white dad probably wouldn't be.
Now for my complete meltdown about the friendships. Harper's relationship with her best friends feels very 3-vs-1 Mario Party mini-game, where her friends reinforce her feelings that she's odd or not making the right choices because they all side against her. And it's true that Harper isn't living her healthiest life. Her anxiety runs rampant through everything, and her laser focus on school leaves room for little else. But apparently instead of asking what do you need? or how can I help? these friends decide that for themselves. They don't know about Harper's struggles with mental health, but they've intuited some aspects of it and could be responsive. They are pushy to the point of manipulating her into a bikini wax so she can "feel sexy" and entice Dan. I can't fathom an argument where that's a healthy crossing of boundaries. She is pressured into attending a party even though they know she doesn't like them, and then they lose track of her when she has a panic attack due to the conditions they introduced her to. wtf. The next morning, they show up to ask her if she's ok before moving on to the "important" questions about if she had sex or not afterwards. Even hearing she had a panic attack, they persist in asking follow ups that completely ignore her mental health. Harper (rightfully) blows up at them for their priorities, and they bring up therapy (maybe not the right time) and her dead mother (probably never a good time) and then everyone pretends the conversation didn't happen as if no changes need to be made. "Strong female friendships" were part of the hype for this book, which left me especially disappointed. Dan's best friend is somehow worse because I never observed him to have a positive quality. He judges him loudly and for all to hear about how he ignores his mom's calls as if there aren't a million reasons somehow may have a less than positive relationship with a parent, all valid.
Humans, this anxiety representation in the genre (or anywhere) was meant to be so powerful. But I spent the whole time distracted by what a shit support system Harper had and wondering how her experience would have been different with friends and a love interest who worked with her instead of for her.
Instalove vibes are pretty *shrug* to me as a general rule. In this case, it's at least instant infatuation. it reminds me of a teenage crush in timbre but with two adult people. I have great fondness for both teenagers and for occasionally acting like them. It's probably good for your health. But the overall lack of maturity from two 26-year olds, one of whom gets to be addressed as "Dr." was jarring. Even their language felt like a badly written teen drama at times. For example, who asks a friend if she "humped" last night? For that alone, I would kick a friend to the curb, and this group has worse to answer for.
This could have been friends-to-lovers except they go on a date before the whole friends thing comes about, which casts a weird vibe on the whole affair. I felt like it placed more emphasis on the very intense lust they were mutually ignoring rather than actually building a friendship. Also, after one month, she considers him her best friend, so sorry to the previous holders of that title. It's less surprising once you've met them. More on that later. Dan's solicitousness towards Harper could be charming at times and overbearing at others. Like it's good he respected her wishes and the degree of intimacy she's comfortable with to stay friends only, but it always felt like he's just in the wings, waiting for her to reverse her decision and date/be in love with/have sex with him as if it's a foregone conclusion.
In general, Dan's white knight complex was a bit much for me. He wants to fix Harper's problems, even when it's not appropriate, i.e. in a work setting where she is the higher ranking person in the room. He also beats up her academic rival/tormentor, who is the cartoonish face of misogyny. So tada! he saved her from all the other sexist micro-aggressions, as well. Miracles happen, as they often do for cishet white men. His possessive caveman behavior (his words) isn't any better because of his self-awareness on the matter. Dan also wants to save his mom, who is cast in a decidedly helpless yet somehow also domineering role for most of the book. Also, his dad is an emotionally manipulative POS end of story, but I can't be the only one amused slash perplexed that Dan's most subversive/slackerly decision was to seek a job in ~finance~, where he is impassioned to make money and (in his own words) climb the corporate ladder. The shame! The piles of money! How could he not have pursued the noble profession of dentistry?? Like I would be ashamed of that, but your typical upper middle class white dad probably wouldn't be.
Now for my complete meltdown about the friendships. Harper's relationship with her best friends feels very 3-vs-1 Mario Party mini-game, where her friends reinforce her feelings that she's odd or not making the right choices because they all side against her. And it's true that Harper isn't living her healthiest life. Her anxiety runs rampant through everything, and her laser focus on school leaves room for little else. But apparently instead of asking what do you need? or how can I help? these friends decide that for themselves. They don't know about Harper's struggles with mental health, but they've intuited some aspects of it and could be responsive. They are pushy to the point of manipulating her into a bikini wax so she can "feel sexy" and entice Dan. I can't fathom an argument where that's a healthy crossing of boundaries. She is pressured into attending a party even though they know she doesn't like them, and then they lose track of her when she has a panic attack due to the conditions they introduced her to. wtf. The next morning, they show up to ask her if she's ok before moving on to the "important" questions about if she had sex or not afterwards. Even hearing she had a panic attack, they persist in asking follow ups that completely ignore her mental health. Harper (rightfully) blows up at them for their priorities, and they bring up therapy (maybe not the right time) and her dead mother (probably never a good time) and then everyone pretends the conversation didn't happen as if no changes need to be made. "Strong female friendships" were part of the hype for this book, which left me especially disappointed. Dan's best friend is somehow worse because I never observed him to have a positive quality. He judges him loudly and for all to hear about how he ignores his mom's calls as if there aren't a million reasons somehow may have a less than positive relationship with a parent, all valid.
Humans, this anxiety representation in the genre (or anywhere) was meant to be so powerful. But I spent the whole time distracted by what a shit support system Harper had and wondering how her experience would have been different with friends and a love interest who worked with her instead of for her.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Ableism, Mental illness, Panic attacks/disorders, Sexual content, Car accident, and Death of parent
Moderate: Emotional abuse, Misogyny, Sexism, Medical content, and Grief
Minor: Racism and Sexual harassment