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Reviews
Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers by Gabor Maté, Gordon Neufeld
casihi's review against another edition
1.0
Some good ideas buried in alarmist extreme behavioral challenges. I completely gave up when he used “Boxcar children” and “Lord of the Flies” as examples of children with peer attachment.
happylilkt's review against another edition
I have mixed feelings about this book. I didn't finish it because the writing style was too repetitive and I feel like I'm already over my lifetime quota for parenting books so if it turns into a slog I skim the rest and move on.
As for the ideas presented, it is very much like most other parenting books in that it is very fear-based (part of why I lost interest in the book). I do, however, think the ideas are interesting and agreed with some of the points (e.g. the parent-child relationship is very important, there are risks with unbridled peer orientation), BUT I have lost patience with the fear-mongering and chicken little vibes that most parenting books give off.
That being said, I am absolutely going to read more on attachment. Also, I wouldn't dissuade anyone from reading this book.
As for the ideas presented, it is very much like most other parenting books in that it is very fear-based (part of why I lost interest in the book). I do, however, think the ideas are interesting and agreed with some of the points (e.g. the parent-child relationship is very important, there are risks with unbridled peer orientation), BUT I have lost patience with the fear-mongering and chicken little vibes that most parenting books give off.
That being said, I am absolutely going to read more on attachment. Also, I wouldn't dissuade anyone from reading this book.
love_schwizzle's review against another edition
challenging
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
4.0
tigerlipgloss's review against another edition
1.0
This book is extremely repetitive and alarmist. It offers mostly examples of where the modern parent is failing with minimal insight why this is considered actual failing. The religious undertones and biblical quotes made to book feel like propaganda.
ikoperiko's review against another edition
emotional
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
5.0
bibliophagy's review against another edition
2.0
oof. ive enjoyed multiple gabor maté books, but perhaps he was not the primary author here. this book has some good points to offer but is so badly written that it's hard to take much useful information away.
the first 60% of this text exclusively served to stress me out and piss me off -- pejorative and paternalistic fearmongering, taking again and again from worst case scenario horror stories in an attempt to prove a basic point that attachment between parents and children is important.
starting in chapter 14, there are a few ideas for re-establishing lost and/or damaged attachment with children; but, even still, there is major focus on anxiety and fear and less on cultivating the type of baseline relationships that would cultivate truly healthy, bonded attachment with parents and their children.
this book would have been more successful for me if it had been more grounded, play- and pleasure-oriented, rather than anxiety-ridden and ominous. it's important that professionals model the type of energy that will be useful to parents to utilize with their children.
the first 60% of this text exclusively served to stress me out and piss me off -- pejorative and paternalistic fearmongering, taking again and again from worst case scenario horror stories in an attempt to prove a basic point that attachment between parents and children is important.
starting in chapter 14, there are a few ideas for re-establishing lost and/or damaged attachment with children; but, even still, there is major focus on anxiety and fear and less on cultivating the type of baseline relationships that would cultivate truly healthy, bonded attachment with parents and their children.
this book would have been more successful for me if it had been more grounded, play- and pleasure-oriented, rather than anxiety-ridden and ominous. it's important that professionals model the type of energy that will be useful to parents to utilize with their children.