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kellyholmes's review against another edition
4.0
This book was a great insight into the process of becoming a mother. These tidbits are what I took away from the book:
* It's natural to have expectations of what your baby is going to be like and how your marriage and life will change once you're a mother. But it's also healthy to be aware of the implicit or explicit pressures you put on your child and to ask yourself if it's fair to expect those things.
* It's important to surround yourself with a positive support network as you become a mother. You need supportive family and friends to encourage you to trust your instincts, not people to tell you exactly what to do and how to do it every moment they're with you. A quote from the book: "Any signals that undermine your confidence while you are trying to do something you have never done before are upsetting and not to be borne."
* Though you might not think about it this way, basic survival tasks (feeding, playing, identifying with your baby) provide opportunities to forge a more intimate relationship with your baby, which only increases your love for her.
* The kind of mother you will be is not determined only by your past (such as your relationship with your mother and how you were mothered yourself). The kind of mother you will be has more to do with the work you've done to understand your past and reflect upon it. A quote: "The more you can understand your relationship with your own mother and come to terms with it, the less likely you are to mindlessly repeat it."
* In spending time with your baby and being who you are, you are teaching your baby different ways to be with someone. For example, if you are someone who tends to get pensive and not always be in the moment with your baby, your baby will most likely learn to become more animated to draw you back into the present. These learned "ways of being with" someone can grow into personality traits and strengths later in life.
* On work/family balance: "Most important, you must figure out what will make you happiest and most fulfilled, and strive to achieve that situation. Try hard not to let others tell you what you should do or feel. If you know yourself and what you can live with, you will find the best compromises for your set of circumstances. In the long run, the best solutions for you are very likely going to be the best solutions for the baby as well."
* It's natural to have expectations of what your baby is going to be like and how your marriage and life will change once you're a mother. But it's also healthy to be aware of the implicit or explicit pressures you put on your child and to ask yourself if it's fair to expect those things.
* It's important to surround yourself with a positive support network as you become a mother. You need supportive family and friends to encourage you to trust your instincts, not people to tell you exactly what to do and how to do it every moment they're with you. A quote from the book: "Any signals that undermine your confidence while you are trying to do something you have never done before are upsetting and not to be borne."
* Though you might not think about it this way, basic survival tasks (feeding, playing, identifying with your baby) provide opportunities to forge a more intimate relationship with your baby, which only increases your love for her.
* The kind of mother you will be is not determined only by your past (such as your relationship with your mother and how you were mothered yourself). The kind of mother you will be has more to do with the work you've done to understand your past and reflect upon it. A quote: "The more you can understand your relationship with your own mother and come to terms with it, the less likely you are to mindlessly repeat it."
* In spending time with your baby and being who you are, you are teaching your baby different ways to be with someone. For example, if you are someone who tends to get pensive and not always be in the moment with your baby, your baby will most likely learn to become more animated to draw you back into the present. These learned "ways of being with" someone can grow into personality traits and strengths later in life.
* On work/family balance: "Most important, you must figure out what will make you happiest and most fulfilled, and strive to achieve that situation. Try hard not to let others tell you what you should do or feel. If you know yourself and what you can live with, you will find the best compromises for your set of circumstances. In the long run, the best solutions for you are very likely going to be the best solutions for the baby as well."
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