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shadowmaster13's review
emotional
hopeful
reflective
fast-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? It's complicated
- Flaws of characters a main focus? No
4.0
annedyne's review
2.0
I read up to page 100-ish. I really liked the story aspects of this novel. I cared about the characters and found that there was good tension in the broader plot points. The problems were in the writing style, which slowed down pace, reduced tension and threw me out of the dream enough times that I became frustrated and put it down - sadly — because I was invested in the characters and the tale, and looking forward to following their journey.
I think the flaws in style were quite basic writing ‘faux pas’ that the author could easily fix with a bit of effort and maybe a good editor. I wish the author WOULD do this because then I’d have some damn good books to read!
standard no-no number one - avoid ‘passive voice’ because it stops the flow of action and creates distance between the reader and the experience.
For example on the very first page: “His foster father Elix was stopped in the doorway, his lips thinned.” Would flow better and feel more active as “His foster father stood framed in the doorway.” or something like that. Also, “The bearded face that stared back was expressionless”. The content has something - there's feeling here, albeit some contradiction between the 'expressionless' and the 'lips thinned' in the previous sentence - but the style is awkward. A face floating and bearded. Suddenly bearded. Suddenly and for no discernible reason. This is not the worst example but it is one of the many awkwardnesses that throws me from the flow of the tale.
Standard no-no number 2 - information dumps that don’t flow naturally from the action. In Thorne’s case she often resorts to giving info in inner monologue in a way that feels like we’ve stopped the action so the tour guide can fill us in. - or worse, give us unnecessary info.
Ex: Character is taken through a building and then follows other character up stairs..... “He kept his mouth shut as he followed her up the stairs.....[more lines of description and then him cogitating as he climbs stairs]
....This building, however, was a meeting place for the entire clan. There was no fancy dining parlor for entertaining heads of clans and states, at least not as far as Nyalin could see.”
So he’s apparently walking up the stairs and drawing conclusions on something he has seen - but after the fact as an inner monologue. This might work in a murder mystery - the detective goes over the evidence so far and cogitates... But in an action-fantasy, generally you’d want to see it AS he sees it, AND his conclusions should be at least partly implicit in the descriptions - instead they are fed to you as an internal monolog info-dump, after the fact.
And then there's this ‘at least not as far as Nyalin could see’ tacked on the end. But Why? This bit of obviousness is completely unnecessary to the story. But I, the reader was forced to process this info and wonder why on earth it was included. Maybe the author thought that since he had not seen everything and could not be technically sure of his interpretation that the caveat should be included in inner monologue? Basically it looks like she thought - "Oh, hell, really it's not totally believable that he would be comfortable inferring only from what he has seen, that this building is "for entertaining heads of clans and states" so I'm going to tack on this caveat to make it more believable. This is lazy writing. And it's the straw that caused me to put down the book.
Standard no-no number 3 - chit chat in dialog that does not forward the story or reveal character.
'"And here we are.” Lara opened the door to his room with her baked-good-laden hand, then bumped the door open with her hip.'
I’m not sure this sentence should be in there at all, but I thought it did show some of her character’s casual manners and confidence which is one of the quirks that makes her a compelling character. But the “And here we are” is a banal bit of dialog that real people use (actually - who would say this - really?) but should never be uttered by compelling characters. Compelling characters only ever say interesting things that surprise and delight. Leaving in obvious stuff like “And here we are” dilutes the dialog and slows the action. I think it would have been more interesting if Lara had just bumped the door with her hip and not said anything. More drama, more casual confidence, more tension.
The examples above may seem relatively minor, but they are scattered on every page which alters the whole experience of the tale. I hope RK Thorne strives to grow as a writer and improve her style - if she does, I bet she could be BIG because her plotting and story were very good, which is not easy to do.
I think the flaws in style were quite basic writing ‘faux pas’ that the author could easily fix with a bit of effort and maybe a good editor. I wish the author WOULD do this because then I’d have some damn good books to read!
standard no-no number one - avoid ‘passive voice’ because it stops the flow of action and creates distance between the reader and the experience.
For example on the very first page: “His foster father Elix was stopped in the doorway, his lips thinned.” Would flow better and feel more active as “His foster father stood framed in the doorway.” or something like that. Also, “The bearded face that stared back was expressionless”. The content has something - there's feeling here, albeit some contradiction between the 'expressionless' and the 'lips thinned' in the previous sentence - but the style is awkward. A face floating and bearded. Suddenly bearded. Suddenly and for no discernible reason. This is not the worst example but it is one of the many awkwardnesses that throws me from the flow of the tale.
Standard no-no number 2 - information dumps that don’t flow naturally from the action. In Thorne’s case she often resorts to giving info in inner monologue in a way that feels like we’ve stopped the action so the tour guide can fill us in. - or worse, give us unnecessary info.
Ex: Character is taken through a building and then follows other character up stairs..... “He kept his mouth shut as he followed her up the stairs.....[more lines of description and then him cogitating as he climbs stairs]
....This building, however, was a meeting place for the entire clan. There was no fancy dining parlor for entertaining heads of clans and states, at least not as far as Nyalin could see.”
So he’s apparently walking up the stairs and drawing conclusions on something he has seen - but after the fact as an inner monologue. This might work in a murder mystery - the detective goes over the evidence so far and cogitates... But in an action-fantasy, generally you’d want to see it AS he sees it, AND his conclusions should be at least partly implicit in the descriptions - instead they are fed to you as an internal monolog info-dump, after the fact.
And then there's this ‘at least not as far as Nyalin could see’ tacked on the end. But Why? This bit of obviousness is completely unnecessary to the story. But I, the reader was forced to process this info and wonder why on earth it was included. Maybe the author thought that since he had not seen everything and could not be technically sure of his interpretation that the caveat should be included in inner monologue? Basically it looks like she thought - "Oh, hell, really it's not totally believable that he would be comfortable inferring only from what he has seen, that this building is "for entertaining heads of clans and states" so I'm going to tack on this caveat to make it more believable. This is lazy writing. And it's the straw that caused me to put down the book.
Standard no-no number 3 - chit chat in dialog that does not forward the story or reveal character.
'"And here we are.” Lara opened the door to his room with her baked-good-laden hand, then bumped the door open with her hip.'
I’m not sure this sentence should be in there at all, but I thought it did show some of her character’s casual manners and confidence which is one of the quirks that makes her a compelling character. But the “And here we are” is a banal bit of dialog that real people use (actually - who would say this - really?) but should never be uttered by compelling characters. Compelling characters only ever say interesting things that surprise and delight. Leaving in obvious stuff like “And here we are” dilutes the dialog and slows the action. I think it would have been more interesting if Lara had just bumped the door with her hip and not said anything. More drama, more casual confidence, more tension.
The examples above may seem relatively minor, but they are scattered on every page which alters the whole experience of the tale. I hope RK Thorne strives to grow as a writer and improve her style - if she does, I bet she could be BIG because her plotting and story were very good, which is not easy to do.
bookish_reader_elle's review
4.0
I really enjoyed this book. I received it in a Goodreads Giveaway but that doesn’t change my review. I enjoyed the world building and unique magic systems. The characters felt very real and relatable. I liked the slow burn romance between the main characters it didn’t feel forced. I’m excited for the next book!
tairameadowcroft's review
2.0
I won this book in exchange for a review.
I didn't finished this book and got about a little over 2/3 full. The premise seemed interesting, this clans having magic and the dragon knife passing on to the next male leader. Then there's the Bone Clan daughter, Lara, who is set to be the wife of the next clan leader, but who doesn't want to be, and secretly takes the bone dagger for herself. And she tries to help the Nyalin figure out why only his magic shows up when she's around.
This story was hard to follow and the writing was eh. I could've slogged through, but ultimately decided not to. This is a story with a lot of characters and the story constantly jumped around, too many info dumps, slow in parts, but too fast in others.
I didn't finished this book and got about a little over 2/3 full. The premise seemed interesting, this clans having magic and the dragon knife passing on to the next male leader. Then there's the Bone Clan daughter, Lara, who is set to be the wife of the next clan leader, but who doesn't want to be, and secretly takes the bone dagger for herself. And she tries to help the Nyalin figure out why only his magic shows up when she's around.
This story was hard to follow and the writing was eh. I could've slogged through, but ultimately decided not to. This is a story with a lot of characters and the story constantly jumped around, too many info dumps, slow in parts, but too fast in others.
fancyface3000's review
4.0
Some spoilers below....
I really enjoyed this book! It was an interesting take on magic, and the schooling it takes to learn it all.
I thought the Bone Dragon was a cool additional character with a personality, which also seems to be rare in some of these magic/dragon/fantasy novels. The slow romance of Lara and Nyalin was lovely, and how different characters were receiving different information, but the reader was getting it all. The hints at what has happened to Nyalin's mother is also very interesting and makes me want to know more. The thing I didn't like was Andius, who is so evil but where did that come from?
I am excited for the next in the series! Hope we don't have to wait too long.
I won this book in a Goodreads giveaway.
I really enjoyed this book! It was an interesting take on magic, and the schooling it takes to learn it all.
I thought the Bone Dragon was a cool additional character with a personality, which also seems to be rare in some of these magic/dragon/fantasy novels. The slow romance of Lara and Nyalin was lovely, and how different characters were receiving different information, but the reader was getting it all. The hints at what has happened to Nyalin's mother is also very interesting and makes me want to know more. The thing I didn't like was Andius, who is so evil but where did that come from?
I am excited for the next in the series! Hope we don't have to wait too long.
I won this book in a Goodreads giveaway.
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