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annapox's review against another edition
3.5
Graphic: Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, and Toxic relationship
Moderate: Cursing
Minor: Ableism
xwritingstoriesx's review against another edition
3.75
I have to start this review by acknowledging that the author is a trans-exclusionary radical feminist. I hadn't known this prior to purchasing and reading his work but I'm not happy with this information whatsoever. You cannot call yourself a feminist without intersectionality.
Onto the book itself, I found myself growing frustrated by the consistent message about male abuse and the denial of such happenings. If you are a male abuse victim, you will not feel seen or heard in this book, but rather you will find judgement, scorn and ridicule. In Chapter four, Bancroft writes, "Be particularly careful with a man who claims to have been a victim of physical violence by a previous female partner."
While I do understand that this has happened enough for it to be mentioned here, I don't think discrediting all claims against a female partner is the right path forward. In Chapter 2, he also writes about the embarrassment a man must feel from being abused by a woman. Obviously, this is a really dangerous sentiment. I wanted to give this man the benefit of the doubt as it was written twenty years ago but with the revelation of transphobia, I can't see him changing.
Moreover, I found that the book was a bit too long in my opinion and could have forgone the recap sections. I would've been fine with a 200 page book rather than 400 pages of anecdotal evidence mixed in with facts and off-putting opinions.
With regards to the positive aspects of this book, I did see myself in the examples given and greatly appreciated that they mentioned the court system and its prejudice towards abuse victims. The examples of real life experiences were really insightful and allowed you to draw comparison to your own experiences. Despite all this, I have to rate the book a 3.75 stars, as it didn't quite hit the mark for me.
Graphic: Child abuse, Cursing, Domestic abuse, Physical abuse, Toxic relationship, Violence, and Gaslighting
fiveredhens's review against another edition
4.25
"When people feel hurt, they lash out at someone else in retaliation. When they feel jealous, they become possessive and accusatory. When they feel controlled, they yell and threaten."
Right? Wrong. Each human being deals with hurt or resentment in a unique way. When you feel insulted or bullied, you may reach for a chocolate bar. In the same circumstance, I might burst into tears. Another person may put his or her feelings quickly into words, confronting the mistreatment directly. Although our feelings can influence how we wish to act, our choices of how to behave are ultimately determined more by our attitudes and our habits. We respond to our emotional wounds based on what we believe about ourselves, how we think about the person who has hurt us, and how we perceive the world.
YOUR ABUSIVE PARTNER DOESN'T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH HIS ANGER; HE HAS A PROBLEM WITH YOUR ANGER.
Brad got loud, rolled his eyes at what a hysterical exaggerator he considered me to be, and adopted a victim stance, saying, "I beg you to stop this." Then came the most important part: He said in a screeching whine, "I have only put a hand on a partner once in my life, many years ago, and just barely pushed her away from me like this"—and he shoved me hard by the shoulder—"after she called my mother a sick woman." Well, why was Brad denying a history of assault (while actually admitting to one) when I hadn't said anything about violence?
"No," he said, "you were hitting your wife."
would have liked better sources and also he definitely got up in the anti-ADHD sentiment of the time but otherwise. everyone should read it, every demographic
Graphic: Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Gun violence, Infidelity, Misogyny, Physical abuse, Rape, Sexual assault, Sexual violence, Violence, Gaslighting, and Injury/Injury detail
Moderate: Addiction, Alcoholism, Child abuse, Incest, Stalking, Murder, and Alcohol
Minor: Body shaming, Bullying, Child abuse, Cursing, Drug abuse, Fatphobia, Homophobia, Mental illness, Racism, Self harm, Suicidal thoughts, Toxic relationship, Blood, Religious bigotry, Lesbophobia, and Abandonment