Reviews with content warning for Violence - The Secret Lives of Church Ladies

I’m going to start this review by saying this book will not be for everyone and that’s okay. If you’re not an open-minded reader, you may find yourself offended by some of the things in this book.

Now to my review, in my humble opinion, this book is a work 👏🏽 of 👏🏽art👏🏽. While I didn’t have any personal shared experiences with each woman, I could appreciate the nods to the culture that I could completely relate to. They include: being in church every Sunday with our moms & grannies and often times aunts, uncles, and cousins. (I was related to almost everyone in the small, country church I attended growing up.) Our grannies always telling us that they’re praying for us (and knowing for certain they actually were) and usually having a feast ready for us whenever we visited. Spending summers outside all day almost every day with our cousins without a care in the world. Getting a new beautiful frilly dress from my grandma each Easter. This book made me nostalgic for that time and made that ache that I still have to see both of my grandmas one more time feel as new as the days that they left us.

There is so much to this book than what’s on the surface level. & I highly recommend it for readers with open hearts and minds. Know that there are a lot of touchy/sensitive subjects. It was funny, incredibly sad, and totally different from anything I’ve read.

My only complaint is that I need updates on all of these women, especially Jael. Her chapter had me weak.

Favorite quotes:

“We miss their bare brown arms reaching to hang clothes on the line with wooden pins. We miss their Sun tea brewed all day in big jars on the picnic table in the backyard.”

“We miss how they made our Easter dresses and pound cakes and a way out of no way.”

Content Warnings

ashleycmms's review against another edition

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challenging dark emotional reflective tense fast-paced

Plot- or character-driven? N/A
Strong character development? N/A
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? N/A
Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

4.0

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rosalind's review against another edition

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emotional reflective medium-paced

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hollyd19's review against another edition

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challenging emotional funny hopeful reflective sad tense fast-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

4.5

The Secret Lives of Church Ladies is a collection of short stories that spotlights Black women of various ages as they push against prescribed narratives & wrestle with purpose, sexuality, and worth. One endorsement described the collection as “cheeky and insightful” and I second that. I can’t say every story was for me, but I thoroughly enjoyed How to Make Love to a Physicist, Peach Cobbler, Snowfall, and Instructions for Married Christian Men. The stories are rich, artistically diverse, and deeply human.

I was surprised (perhaps I shouldn’t have been, given the word ‘secrets’ in the title) by how heavily sex factored in nearly all the stories. It was never gratuitous or explicit, but it did play a much larger role than I had expected. Additionally, I had the impression that the collection would be more... fun? Honestly, for the most part I found it fairly bleak. That’s not to say it wasn’t tender and at times funny, but most stories left me feeling rather melancholy. Each woman featured faces some significant strain — emotionally, relationally, etc — and I would have loved at least one story to be robustly joyful (the closest is How To Make Love to a Physicist). Finally, there is ample mention of church life & culture, but I wouldn’t define any of the protagonists as “church ladies.” They are all church-lady-adjacent, but perhaps that was Philyaw’s chosen device: a window into the lives of church ladies from those who are in some way outside the fold.

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sherbertwells's review against another edition

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Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? No
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

3.0

“People say you’re supposed to put your faith in God, not men. Do you think God wants you, or anybody, to go untouched for decades and decades? For their whole lives? Like Sister Stewart, Sister Wilson, Sister Hill, my mother after my father died—all those women at church who think they have to choose between pleasing God and something so basic, so human as being held and known in the most intimate way” (10)

Let’s get one thing straight: this book was not written for me.

Deesha Philyaw’s debut short story collection, The Secret Lives of Church Ladies, is a celebration of Black women and their sexuality. I’m an asexual Catholic white girl who couldn’t be considered attractive if she had North and South poles. But I like to read, especially about religion and the individual, and one of my English let me borrow a copy of this book (thanks, Ms. Saunders!).

So here I am reviewing The Secret Lives of Church Ladies! Spoiler alert: it’s pretty darn good.

The stories are unabashedly sexual, but the depiction of sex is not gratuitous. Philyaw’s protagonists face bigotry from all sides, including from the Black Church to which they (nominally) belong. The bedroom is one of the few places where they can unashamedly be themselves.

“Note: in the event I do start to fall for you, you will know because I’ll stop responding to your text messages. This is for the best.

The austere tone of these instructions aside, I actually like you and can’t wait to fuck you. If I didn’t like you, if the thought of you didn’t make my panties wet, we wouldn’t be here” (154)

I have no clue whether the depiction of sex is accurate or not, but I can appreciate how Philyaw portrays food. In the story “Peach Cobbler,” for example, the main character’s mother bakes a dessert “so good, it made God himself cheat on his wife” (39). Meanwhile, “Snowfall” demonstrates an acute nostalgia for boiled blue crabs. While I’ve never had either dish, I can appreciate how they both add spice to the deliciously-complicated relationships between the characters that make them.

In general, The Secret Lives of Church Ladies excels at portraying interesting interpersonal relationships. My favorite story was “How to Make Love to a Physicist,” which follows a middle-aged art teacher who meets her soulmate at a STEAM conference but feels too self-conscious to open up to him. My Dad almost majored in physics (he got his PhD in math), so I can testify that the method of courtship is accurate. Both characters are huge nerds, and it’s a joy to see where their relationship takes them.

The story uses a second-person narrator, which I’ve never encountered outside of fanfiction before, to devastating effect. The opening question—”How do you make love to a physicist”—turns from a hypothesis into a plea as it is repeated.

Other stories that play with format are pretty cool too. “Instructions for Married Christian Husbands” manages to pack an emotional arc into a how-to-list. “Jael” juxtaposes the voices of a teenage girl and her religious grandmother, who is disgusted by her grandaughter’s homosexuality. Utilizing these formats is a fun way for Philyaw to challenge the hierarchies in which her characters live. But most of the stories in The Secret Lives of Church Ladies are literary fiction, and that’s not my favorite genre.

Nor is the straightforward prose, which clips along nicely but doesn’t stand out I also wish the stories featured more theology, but I understand that not every reader (or character) wants to get so nitty-gritty. As I said before, the stories weren’t written with me in mind, and they shouldn’t be. It’s obvious that they’re well-written anyway.

This year, The Secret Lives of Church Ladies won the English PEN/Faulkner award. Whether it will stand the test of time remains to be seen. I hope it does. Like organized religion, it’s got some really great elements, and it might just give meaning to a vast, complicated literary world.

“You take a moment to soak it all in. You think of your mother and the small version of God she clings to, the only version you’ve ever known and the one you’re afraid to let go of. Then you think of how your daily calls with Eric are a kind of ritual, and how when you finally meet up again, it could be a kind of consecration. You are thrilled and terrified at the prospect. Terrified because all you’ve ever known of religion is that it demands more than you can ever give”

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