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beentsy's review
3.0
Good, practical, logical approach to trying to keep your poop in a group and thankfully not an all touchy-feely-let's-all-just-self-actualize-ourselves-to-mental-health book. That said, I agree with another reviewer who stated that this is not a sit and read it book. Although it is interesting and very funny, it is more of a dip your ladle in when you need some practical advice book.
bootman's review
5.0
If you need some life-changing tough love that will also make you laugh along the way, get this book.
astrangewind's review
funny
lighthearted
relaxing
medium-paced
3.0
I am wary of self-help books; they rely on generalizations about their readership, because they have to. There is no one-size-fits-all in terms of therapeutic advice, and every self-help book out there is going to miss a portion of its readership. And readers, I think, can tend to take anyone writing a nonfiction book, especially when one of the others has an "MD" after their name on the cover, as a god, their word gospel. I am similarly wary of nonfiction books that take a buddy-buddy view of their readership - like the authors are saying, "Look at me! I use swear words! I'm a real person, just like you! I'm different from all those other stuck-up shrinks writing books!" It can feel especially manipulative in a genre that requires manipulation to secure a contract.
That said, I think F*ck Feelings does an OK job at not being entirely the worst self-help book in the world. While not a replacement for actual treatment, it is a decent starting point to drive home its main points, which are repeated often: evaluate your actions against your values, introduce rationality into the equation when emotions are hot, and radically accept what you can't control. These are tenets I find agreeable, but really all of it seems pulled from DBT wholesale (except for the bits about being non-judgmental. These authors really like to be judgmental). If that's all you pull from the book, good. You don't need the rest of it, and truly, some of it was hot garbage. Sure, I don't need to agree with all of what a random self-help book says, but if I were one of those suckers who regards MDs as experts, I would definitely be more of an Asshole after reading this book. Here are some of the claims I find needlessly problematic, especially if other people grow to believe them:
That said, I think F*ck Feelings does an OK job at not being entirely the worst self-help book in the world. While not a replacement for actual treatment, it is a decent starting point to drive home its main points, which are repeated often: evaluate your actions against your values, introduce rationality into the equation when emotions are hot, and radically accept what you can't control. These are tenets I find agreeable, but really all of it seems pulled from DBT wholesale (except for the bits about being non-judgmental. These authors really like to be judgmental). If that's all you pull from the book, good. You don't need the rest of it, and truly, some of it was hot garbage. Sure, I don't need to agree with all of what a random self-help book says, but if I were one of those suckers who regards MDs as experts, I would definitely be more of an Asshole after reading this book. Here are some of the claims I find needlessly problematic, especially if other people grow to believe them:
- "...nobody's ever died from bottling up their anger, but plenty of people have died, usually violently, from letting their anger out" (page 232). Bottling emotions and accepting emotions are different things that prevent you from acting out in the moment, but one of them will cause an explosion later.
- "Did You Know . . . What A 'Borderline' Is?" sidebar, page 213. As someone with borderline personality disorder, this sidebar was needlessly cruel and unnecessary. Did You Know . . . sometimes people with BPD are abused by other people?
- "Did You Know . . . How to Communicate in Asperger-ese?" sidebar, page 230. While this sidebar was not as irritating as I thought it would be, it is a bit outdated. Autism is a spectrum, and calling people "high functioning" ignores their lived experience.
- Chapter 10 and calling the cops on people who may be suicidal. This is exactly why many mentally ill people don't trust doctors.
The casual tone, although something I'm skeptical of, was funny at times, and it did make the text more accessible, where many other books use academic language that alienates their readers. The tone is also more compassionate than you'd expect from the constant swearing. However, there were some points where the casualness was too much - some bizarre fatphobia, a flippant comparison between homosexuality and pedophilia (not in the bad way, but still a comparison), and some off-putting jokes, just to name a few.
Overall, reading this book feels like a straightforward, adult conversation with some good things and some bad things. Really, this book is meant for neurotypical adults who have some Event in their lives that is shaking them up. It's not meant for people with chronic depression, anxiety, or suicidal ideation. But, again, you need to generalize if you're trying to publish a self-help book. I don't think I would ever recommend this to anyone, even though I did actually enjoy reading it. (For the most part.)
Content Warnings
Minor: Fatphobia and Suicidal thoughts
stronlibrarianvibes's review
4.0
I asked for this book after reading a review of it on either Gawker or Lifehacker. My fiancee bought it for me for Christmas. I'm glad he did. The chapters are all laid out very similarly, so the reading does get repetitive. But the author does a great job of attacking the kinds of everyday problems folks face, identifying the false thinking many of us fall victim to, helping to reset expectations for what might be healthy and achievable, and provides some scripting.
One potential criticism is that the author does not mince words. This is not for the faint of heart; the reader will get a healthy does of very upfront language. That works for some people and at some point in their journeys. I happened to be there. I don't think this book would have helped me five years ago.
I would say this book is more for helping someone reshape how they're thinking about therapy/problems. It's for someone who is ready to assess how they're handling what life is throwing at them and critically think through if they're effectively handling emotional issues (and if those issues really need to be "emotional" or what emotions really mean).
One potential criticism is that the author does not mince words. This is not for the faint of heart; the reader will get a healthy does of very upfront language. That works for some people and at some point in their journeys. I happened to be there. I don't think this book would have helped me five years ago.
I would say this book is more for helping someone reshape how they're thinking about therapy/problems. It's for someone who is ready to assess how they're handling what life is throwing at them and critically think through if they're effectively handling emotional issues (and if those issues really need to be "emotional" or what emotions really mean).
nickgoe's review against another edition
4.0
This did a good job of trying to show ways to take a step back and figure things out. There is a lot of useful advice for interpersonal relationships here.
ashley_h12's review
It just felt like the same demoralizing stuff over and over. Some funny parts but not enough to keep me interested.
kmg365's review
3.0
I have a complicated relationship with self-help books. I get reeled in by a catchy title, then spend most of my reading time mocking the concepts. Imperfection is the natural state of humanity, and given the infinite variety and magnitude of those imperfections, who in the world thinks that 300 pages of text are going to change anything significantly?
This book sort of takes that as a given—not just about self-help books, but about actual therapy. By all means, go if it helps, it says, but it’s very expensive, not likely to be covered by insurance for very long, and… here’s the kicker… likely will not fix your problem. In fact, fixing the problem is probably impossible, and what you really need to do is learn to live with the problem, and minimize its impact on your daily life.
I’m a fan of practicality, so that message appeals to me. (Important note: the book isn’t focused on seeking treatment for mental illness. It’s talking about people who have a problem with a spouse, a boss, a child, etc. and turn to therapy to find a fix.)
I was particularly enamored of the chapter on job problems. A run of the mill self-help book would be mentioning conferences with your boss, or your boss’ boss, or the union steward, or trotting off to the EEOC… this one says (I paraphrase) keep your head down, your mouth shut, and do your work to the best of your ability. What a concept.
readbooks_eatapples's review
4.0
This was a pretty good read, but it's better as a reference. I picked it up from the library and read the first few chapters diligently. It slowed down pretty hard after that, as it was repetitive and while interesting, mostly not relevant to me. The concepts are good: basically, suck it up and don't pretend you're meant to have a perfect life and that everyone around you should be perfect because POTENTIAL.
We as humans are messed up, and we have evolved to make stupid choices and to hit 20% of our overall potential due to personal limitations or our environment. And that's really okay. This book has good advice for how to handle hardship, how to start to recover from making poor decisions, and how to deal when other people reveal they're not robots designed for perfection.
I didn't finish it, but I know I'll go back to it at some point. It's on my to-buy list.
We as humans are messed up, and we have evolved to make stupid choices and to hit 20% of our overall potential due to personal limitations or our environment. And that's really okay. This book has good advice for how to handle hardship, how to start to recover from making poor decisions, and how to deal when other people reveal they're not robots designed for perfection.
I didn't finish it, but I know I'll go back to it at some point. It's on my to-buy list.