codecat's review against another edition
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.5
Graphic: Lesbophobia and Homophobia
Moderate: Violence, Hate crime, and Excrement
Minor: Medical content, Misogyny, Sexism, and Death
lidia710's review against another edition
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
Labor without end. The thought that no one can save me from this exhausting work. Concern over what will happen when the moment comes when I cannot work anymore. In other words, what worries me isn’t death, but life. I must do whatever needs to be done to withstand this suffocating uncertainty that will be with me for as long as I am living. I learned this too late. Perhaps this is not about aging. Maybe it’s the malady of the times, as people say. Our times. This generation. Naturally, I am reminded of my daughter again. We have arrived at this point, her in her mid-thirties, me past seventy. And the world that she will reach, that I won’t be around for – what will it look like? Better than this? Or more relentless?
In this way, I refer to Jen without naming her. A woman growing old in confined, suffocating solitude. A pitiful, unfortunate person who must face the dusk of her life alone after wasting her youth and every last drop of herself on others, society, and other equally grand things. The thought of my daughter meeting the same fate as Jen is enough to stop my heart.
No one likes it when someone makes a sharp observation and takes it upon themselves to spell it out. I was born and raised in this culture where the polite thing to do is to turn a blind eye and keep your mouth shut, and now I’ve grown old in it. So why am I suddenly seeing these things as if for the first time at this point in my life? When I’ve already spent a lifetime going along with it and not saying a word? Why make such a big deal out of this?
How do I explain that I see myself in that woman whose wrists and ankles are bound? How do I articulate such a vivid premonition? Is it her fault that she has nothing and no one? Am I seeing myself in her because I’ve given up hope of depending on my daughter in old age? Will I – and even my daughter – likewise find ourselves punished by a rude, wretched wait for death at the end of our interminable lives? How far will I go to avoid that?
Why is my heart always on tiptoes on the lookout for possible things to fear on the horizon?
I want to sit my bottom down. I want to lie comfortably, wherever that may be, take a few deep breaths, and calm myself down. Go somewhere away from here and watch this scene like the evening news. That things happened in that place, I want to observe from a distance like someone who has nothing to do with it. But it’s getting harder to do. The people around me and a certain world keeps pushing me to the center and forces me to stand right in the middle of it.
The activity we call work these days is ruined and depraved. It has been a long time since it lost the ability to imbue a person with a sense of fulfillment and pride as it did to for our generation. People are no longer masters of their work, but slaves that must stay on their toes in order not to be pushed out and ignored.
So I cannot talk like the people standing on the other side anymore. I mustn’t. I cannot tell these kids to stay hidden, order them to keep silent, go through life as inconspicuously as the dead, or just go and die. I cannot stand on the side with people who say such things. But this realization doesn’t mean I understand these kids perfectly. So then, where do I stand? Where should I stand?
I feel for these kids. I feel sad and sorry for them. In that sense, I am no different from the many passers-by over there who stop for a moment out of curiosity and continue on their way.
But maybe what lies ahead is a life of endless fights and tolerance.
Will I be able to take such a life? Will I get through it?
When I ask myself this question, I see the face of an old woman wearing a stubborn, intractable expression and shaking her head. I close my eyes again. In any case, now is the time for sleep. When I wake up, I will have the energy to get through the next bit of life ahead of me. I am not thinking about what’s coming far off in the future, but what I face now. I think to myself that I will only think about what needs to be done today and get it done without incident. All I can do is believe that I will make it through the long stretch of tomorrows.
Graphic: Lesbophobia, Homophobia, and Dementia
Moderate: Hate crime, Excrement, Violence, and Medical content
Minor: Death
rachjy's review against another edition
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated
4.25
Graphic: Death, Excrement, and Grief
Moderate: Physical abuse and Lesbophobia
Minor: Violence
lillucys's review against another edition
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? No
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? It's complicated
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.0
It is a interesting and complex character story of a mother and daughter and their struggles to understand each other across the generational divide.
Graphic: Dementia
Moderate: Death, Homophobia, Injury/Injury detail, Medical content, Medical trauma, and Forced institutionalization
Minor: Excrement and Vomit
breadbummer's review
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.5
Spoiler
ultimately losing her job because she refused to take part in elder abuseOn another note, I don't really know how I feel about the ending...it seemed like it was at the right point to stop but, at the same time, felt very abrupt and indefinite.
The book, itself, I think is a great example for how to take on the perspective of a multifaceted character, but the story itself was rather bleak and just alright, I guess.
Graphic: Terminal illness, Dementia, Lesbophobia, Mental illness, Injury/Injury detail, Hate crime, and Death
Moderate: Sexism, Police brutality, and Grief
Minor: Medical content, Sexual content, Excrement, and Murder
There was one small section of the book that made my stomach drop. While it wasn't a detailed description of killing one's own child, the mother more or less sympathizes with people who have killed their children for not being the way they wanted them to be (in this case, the mother wants her daughter to be "normal" and not a lesbian). She mentions that if her husband was still alive and had found out about it, he would have killed their daughter.catandherbooks's review against another edition
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated
4.0
Sometimes all you can do is keep going, even if there are issues that you can't work out just yet.
Graphic: Medical content and Injury/Injury detail
Moderate: Violence
Minor: Death
buttermellow's review
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? No
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.0
Graphic: Lesbophobia, Dementia, Hate crime, and Homophobia
Moderate: Confinement, Medical content, Excrement, Death, and Abandonment
romynebel's review against another edition
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.25
Graphic: Homophobia
Moderate: Dementia
Minor: Death
luise96's review against another edition
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.0
Graphic: Sexism, Death, and Homophobia
amyvl93's review against another edition
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
2.5
It's hard to spend time in the head of someone so deeply homophobic but who still claims to love her daughter and want the best for her, but it was a perspective that was interesting to be forced to grapple with by the author. As was the insight into the gruelling, cost saving adult care world that the narrator works within, forcing her to grapple with her impending mortality and the risk of becoming invisible and unknown as you age.
It did feel that this book didn't quite have the depth it needed to really fly in exploring the issues that it wants to - ideas are introduced and then disappear and we never really get to know any of the side characters.
Moderate: Homophobia, Physical abuse, and Violence
Minor: Death