Reviews with content warning for Medical content - Concerning My Daughter

hard to read at times because of the subject matter but i loved this author's insight and writing style. i'll include some of the quotes i highlighted

Labor without end. The thought that no one can save me from this exhausting work. Concern over what will happen when the moment comes when I cannot work anymore. In other words, what worries me isn’t death, but life. I must do whatever needs to be done to withstand this suffocating uncertainty that will be with me for as long as I am living. I learned this too late. Perhaps this is not about aging. Maybe it’s the malady of the times, as people say. Our times. This generation. Naturally, I am reminded of my daughter again. We have arrived at this point, her in her mid-thirties, me past seventy. And the world that she will reach, that I won’t be around for – what will it look like? Better than this? Or more relentless?

In this way, I refer to Jen without naming her. A woman growing old in confined, suffocating solitude. A pitiful, unfortunate person who must face the dusk of her life alone after wasting her youth and every last drop of herself on others, society, and other equally grand things. The thought of my daughter meeting the same fate as Jen is enough to stop my heart.

No one likes it when someone makes a sharp observation and takes it upon themselves to spell it out. I was born and raised in this culture where the polite thing to do is to turn a blind eye and keep your mouth shut, and now I’ve grown old in it. So why am I suddenly seeing these things as if for the first time at this point in my life? When I’ve already spent a lifetime going along with it and not saying a word? Why make such a big deal out of this?

How do I explain that I see myself in that woman whose wrists and ankles are bound? How do I articulate such a vivid premonition? Is it her fault that she has nothing and no one? Am I seeing myself in her because I’ve given up hope of depending on my daughter in old age? Will I – and even my daughter – likewise find ourselves punished by a rude, wretched wait for death at the end of our interminable lives? How far will I go to avoid that?

Why is my heart always on tiptoes on the lookout for possible things to fear on the horizon?

I want to sit my bottom down. I want to lie comfortably, wherever that may be, take a few deep breaths, and calm myself down. Go somewhere away from here and watch this scene like the evening news. That things happened in that place, I want to observe from a distance like someone who has nothing to do with it. But it’s getting harder to do. The people around me and a certain world keeps pushing me to the center and forces me to stand right in the middle of it.

The activity we call work these days is ruined and depraved. It has been a long time since it lost the ability to imbue a person with a sense of fulfillment and pride as it did to for our generation. People are no longer masters of their work, but slaves that must stay on their toes in order not to be pushed out and ignored.

So I cannot talk like the people standing on the other side anymore. I mustn’t. I cannot tell these kids to stay hidden, order them to keep silent, go through life as inconspicuously as the dead, or just go and die. I cannot stand on the side with people who say such things. But this realization doesn’t mean I understand these kids perfectly. So then, where do I stand? Where should I stand?

I feel for these kids. I feel sad and sorry for them. In that sense, I am no different from the many passers-by over there who stop for a moment out of curiosity and continue on their way.

But maybe what lies ahead is a life of endless fights and tolerance.
Will I be able to take such a life? Will I get through it?
When I ask myself this question, I see the face of an old woman wearing a stubborn, intractable expression and shaking her head. I close my eyes again. In any case, now is the time for sleep. When I wake up, I will have the energy to get through the next bit of life ahead of me. I am not thinking about what’s coming far off in the future, but what I face now. I think to myself that I will only think about what needs to be done today and get it done without incident. All I can do is believe that I will make it through the long stretch of tomorrows.

Content Warnings

lillucys's review against another edition

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challenging dark emotional sad fast-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? No
Loveable characters? No
Diverse cast of characters? It's complicated
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

3.0

Concerning My Daughter by Kim Hye-Jin is a story told from the prospective of the unnamed mother. Her daughter, Green, and her girlfriend, Lane, move in with her as she struggles to understand their non-traditional life compared to that which she had with her late husband. She voices her fears that without a husband or children, her daughter will one day end up alone, just as the woman who she is the carer of, living with dementia, is.

It is a interesting and complex character story of a mother and daughter and their struggles to understand each other across the generational divide.

Content Warnings

breadbummer's review

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challenging emotional hopeful reflective medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

3.5

Being queer, this book makes me wonder how my parents really view my queerness considering how they still talk to members of my family about my girlfriend being my friend; are they trying to protect me, or are they worried about how it will reflect on them? It was a very painful read in this way, but I did enjoy seeing the mother's way of caring for the elderly patients and was heartened (in a way?) by her

Spoiler

ultimately losing her job because she refused to take part in elder abuse

. This also hit me pretty hard, as it reminded me think about how the people at my grandma's nursing home could have possibly treated her the way they did.

On another note, I don't really know how I feel about the ending...it seemed like it was at the right point to stop but, at the same time, felt very abrupt and indefinite.

The book, itself, I think is a great example for how to take on the perspective of a multifaceted character, but the story itself was rather bleak and just alright, I guess.

Content Warnings

isabeldotml's review against another edition

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challenging dark emotional informative reflective sad medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? It's complicated
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

5.0

A thoughtful character study of a homophobic mother. I have never felt more understanding and sympathetic towards a homophobic parent, while of course feeling frustrated at the cognitive dissonance she maintains. It (unfortunately) felt very realistic and didn't succumb to vilifying the mother or sugar-coating how this would play out.

Also a pondering on how we spend our lives, what makes them worthwhile and to what extent does that matter at the end. Very thought-provoking.

Content Warnings

catandherbooks's review against another edition

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reflective sad medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? It's complicated
Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

4.0

A moving story about motherhood and love. About the bonds that unite us as much as the things that keep us about from one another.

Sometimes all you can do is keep going, even if there are issues that you can't work out just yet.

Content Warnings