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anjalisudarsan's review
4.0
I loved the way this book was written - the activities and the summaries really added up. I went in with no expectations, but I was pleasantly surprised to learn quite a bit about charisma. The types of charisma (visionary, focus, authoritative and kindness) really put things into perspective, although it is a lot harder to translate these into a how-to guide.
I enjoyed learning about the meditations and visualisations to stay calm and grounded while meeting people, although a lot of people have written about this. I'd say this is a book I'd underline and read before heading for a networking event or interview.
I enjoyed learning about the meditations and visualisations to stay calm and grounded while meeting people, although a lot of people have written about this. I'd say this is a book I'd underline and read before heading for a networking event or interview.
bizzyballa31's review against another edition
2.0
A lot of common sense concepts but can still be referred back to for concept reminders.
elainewlin's review
5.0
I like the title of the book because it is accurate, specific, and not click-bait. In general, many skills are not innate, but learned, and this book does a good job of explaining how people can learn how to be charismatic. Also, I like this quote a lot: So the next time you’re feeling anxious, you might want to imagine being wrapped up in a great big hug from someone you care about.
kimball_hansen's review
5.0
I loved this book. It could use a good re-read too. The author teaches how to practice and master techniques to develop Charisma (This word will be repeated a lot today so we ask that you please bear with us). She did a great job summarizing each section/topic by putting it all into practice. Charisma is essentially non-verbal behavior. I suppose there is a fine line to distinguish if a person is using these skills to develop true charisma or just being fake and trying to get ahead and/or manipulate others. I can see a few people using it for the latter.
The author seemed to really admire Bill Clinton for his charisma (she had met him in person). This is where I question is it truly charisma if many people think you're fake? You can say a dog is a cat all you want but that doesn't make it a cat. So if Ben thinks Jerry has charisma and Nick doesn't think so, does Jerry still have charisma? Is it subjective? The author just held Bill Clinton on such a mantle that it made me question that. She also mentioned Steve Jobs having charisma. Yeah, sure. That guy was an A-word to so many people. I'm not falling for that one.
Presence, Power, and Warmth are key components of charisma. The ironic thing was that the author didn't seem very Present in the audio version of the book. She would refer to looking at the words instead of saying to listen to them. Had she not just been reading the book aloud and been more adaptive like some authors such as [a:Vinnie Tortorich|1515703|Vinnie Tortorich|https://s.gr-assets.com/assets/nophoto/user/u_50x66-632230dc9882b4352d753eedf9396530.png], it could have been much better. And speaking of being present I think she could have done well to include some personal examples. [a:Gretchen Rubin|21246|Gretchen Rubin|https://images.gr-assets.com/authors/1252934548p2/21246.jpg] or the author's favorite Brené Brown do that well in their books. It would have come across with more Warmth.
Nuggets from the book:
Three quick was to boost charisma are:
*Lower your intonation voice at the end of your sentences.
*Reduce how quickly and often you nod.
*Pause for two full seconds before your speak.
She talked about the Nocebo Effect. We're all familiar with the Placebo Effect but the Nocebo Affect is whatever is in your mind affects your body. It's more negative, hence the "No."
I particularly enjoyed this next part. "Humans don't handle uncertainty well. It can cause someone to feel anxious and anxiety is a huge drawback to charisma. We need to learn to be comfortable with uncertainty. That's one of the biggest factors in success with business. The single most effective technique to alleviate the discomfort of uncertainty is the responsibility transfer. When we're in an uncertain situation, what we really want to know is that things are going to work out fine. If we can be certain that things will work out - that everything will be taken care of - the uncertainty would produce much less anxiety." This theme of uncertainty and being comfortable with it is the antidote for today's spike in anxiety. Ironically, Christians by their creed, ought to be less anxious in general since they know everything will work out in the end. If it doesn't work out then it is their own dang fault for not keeping the commandments. So is there a correlation with increased anxiety and decreased faith? I'm going to say yes.
If we're feeling anxiety we shouldn't say that but rather say "anxiety is being felt." I think this makes some type of cognitive shift in responsibility in our minds.
Humans are driven to compare. When we have an experience we compare it with past experiences, other people's experiences, or our ideal image of how it should have been. This will be the death of me until I can get a grip on it. Comparing and evaluating hinders our ability to be fully present and therefore being charismatic. Trying to optimize an experience creates anxiety because we're trying to find the best possible choice. It appears that the teachings of charisma coincide with Eastern philosophies and Buddhist/Tao beliefs.
The thing that affects your performance the most is how you feel about yourself. Negative thinking also affects how other people perceive you. There are outward physiological changes that happen in the face and body when a person thinks negatively in the mind. Wayne Dyer nailed it in his [b:Wishes Fulfilled: Mastering the Art of Manifesting|12489036|Wishes Fulfilled Mastering the Art of Manifesting|Wayne W. Dyer|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1328769184s/12489036.jpg|17473999] book. The author also mentioned the internal voice that [b:The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself|1963638|The Untethered Soul The Journey Beyond Yourself|Michael A. Singer|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1354898395s/1963638.jpg|1966734] talked about. However, negativity can be a good thing. It exists to spur us into action to either resolve the problem or get out of that situation that is causing it. Feelings like fear and anxiety are designed to get us to do something because they are uncomfortable. Unfortunately we just use that discomfort to mask and numb our feelings by doing stupid, time-wasting stuff like TV, Netflix, or Bookface.
How many of us have experienced the Impostor Syndrome? Supposedly a third of the students at Stanford feel that way too.
Anger is a difficult emotion to flush out of your system. We can give others the benefit of the doubt in order to reduce our anger.
Dale Carnegie quote: "You can make more friends in 2 months by being truly interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you."
This next part was neat: On Writing. Committing things to writing accesses different parts of the mind in ways that other modes of expression do not. It can help change someone's mind and make an imagined story feel real. How does this help? Well there are many coolo exercises you can do on her website (these are neat and I'm going to start doing them). This one for example is called Getting Satisfaction. It involves writing instances down where someone ticked you off. You write a page about how much it made you mad. Then you write another page pretending to be that person and apologize to you for their behavior. In Inception, while in the dream state, this is called Perceiving and Creating your world simultaneously. While doing this is easier to do during dreaming, it's a good way to practice it while being conscious. I've been telling people for years that Inception is possible. Look how close we're getting. Haters gunna hate.
Another practice is called Delving Into Sensations. You hold eye contact a little longer than normal with someone or stand closer than normal. The point of this exercise is to get you arrested and convicted of a Hate Crime. I'm teasing. It helps you to practice your endurance in uncomfortable situations as well as uncertainty. Remember we talked about that earlier? Self-Mastery. There isn't enough of it today. Internal discomfort is the primary obstacle to becoming charismatic. There we go again with Buddhist teachings. One of the Four Noble Truths is that All Life is Suffering. This is how I interpret it. Actually I started doing this at the beginning of the year. Not quite how she describes but one of my many New Year's Resolutions was to participate more in Sunday Services, typically by commenting class. The end goal is to build greater self-confidence and worry less what people think of me.
Whoever has less endurance for silence loses.
Showing vulnerability is good for leaders because it makes them more human.
The author talked about CEOs that hold interviews for candidates and know within the first few seconds of the interview who they will hire. First impressions are generated in the lowest/fastest part of the brain - or the more primitive part.
Logic makes people think. Emotion makes people act. Charisma peaks to your emotional side.
Hostility is the external manifestation of internal turmoil.
Defensiveness is the outward face of fear and anxiety.
Speeches/talks/lessons need to be about the audience, not yourself.
This book helps you to understand deeply why Michael Scott hates Toby so much and why Andy mimics Michael when he transfers to the Scranton Branch. It also helps you to understand why candles and fire are romantic and and soothing.
There is a drawback for charisma or having too much of it, actually. Others can start to resent and be jealous of you. I suppose there's not much you can do about that so just go on and build up your charisma anyways.
The author seemed to really admire Bill Clinton for his charisma (she had met him in person). This is where I question is it truly charisma if many people think you're fake? You can say a dog is a cat all you want but that doesn't make it a cat. So if Ben thinks Jerry has charisma and Nick doesn't think so, does Jerry still have charisma? Is it subjective? The author just held Bill Clinton on such a mantle that it made me question that. She also mentioned Steve Jobs having charisma. Yeah, sure. That guy was an A-word to so many people. I'm not falling for that one.
Presence, Power, and Warmth are key components of charisma. The ironic thing was that the author didn't seem very Present in the audio version of the book. She would refer to looking at the words instead of saying to listen to them. Had she not just been reading the book aloud and been more adaptive like some authors such as [a:Vinnie Tortorich|1515703|Vinnie Tortorich|https://s.gr-assets.com/assets/nophoto/user/u_50x66-632230dc9882b4352d753eedf9396530.png], it could have been much better. And speaking of being present I think she could have done well to include some personal examples. [a:Gretchen Rubin|21246|Gretchen Rubin|https://images.gr-assets.com/authors/1252934548p2/21246.jpg] or the author's favorite Brené Brown do that well in their books. It would have come across with more Warmth.
Nuggets from the book:
Three quick was to boost charisma are:
*Lower your intonation voice at the end of your sentences.
*Reduce how quickly and often you nod.
*Pause for two full seconds before your speak.
She talked about the Nocebo Effect. We're all familiar with the Placebo Effect but the Nocebo Affect is whatever is in your mind affects your body. It's more negative, hence the "No."
I particularly enjoyed this next part. "Humans don't handle uncertainty well. It can cause someone to feel anxious and anxiety is a huge drawback to charisma. We need to learn to be comfortable with uncertainty. That's one of the biggest factors in success with business. The single most effective technique to alleviate the discomfort of uncertainty is the responsibility transfer. When we're in an uncertain situation, what we really want to know is that things are going to work out fine. If we can be certain that things will work out - that everything will be taken care of - the uncertainty would produce much less anxiety." This theme of uncertainty and being comfortable with it is the antidote for today's spike in anxiety. Ironically, Christians by their creed, ought to be less anxious in general since they know everything will work out in the end. If it doesn't work out then it is their own dang fault for not keeping the commandments. So is there a correlation with increased anxiety and decreased faith? I'm going to say yes.
If we're feeling anxiety we shouldn't say that but rather say "anxiety is being felt." I think this makes some type of cognitive shift in responsibility in our minds.
Humans are driven to compare. When we have an experience we compare it with past experiences, other people's experiences, or our ideal image of how it should have been. This will be the death of me until I can get a grip on it. Comparing and evaluating hinders our ability to be fully present and therefore being charismatic. Trying to optimize an experience creates anxiety because we're trying to find the best possible choice. It appears that the teachings of charisma coincide with Eastern philosophies and Buddhist/Tao beliefs.
The thing that affects your performance the most is how you feel about yourself. Negative thinking also affects how other people perceive you. There are outward physiological changes that happen in the face and body when a person thinks negatively in the mind. Wayne Dyer nailed it in his [b:Wishes Fulfilled: Mastering the Art of Manifesting|12489036|Wishes Fulfilled Mastering the Art of Manifesting|Wayne W. Dyer|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1328769184s/12489036.jpg|17473999] book. The author also mentioned the internal voice that [b:The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself|1963638|The Untethered Soul The Journey Beyond Yourself|Michael A. Singer|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1354898395s/1963638.jpg|1966734] talked about. However, negativity can be a good thing. It exists to spur us into action to either resolve the problem or get out of that situation that is causing it. Feelings like fear and anxiety are designed to get us to do something because they are uncomfortable. Unfortunately we just use that discomfort to mask and numb our feelings by doing stupid, time-wasting stuff like TV, Netflix, or Bookface.
How many of us have experienced the Impostor Syndrome? Supposedly a third of the students at Stanford feel that way too.
Anger is a difficult emotion to flush out of your system. We can give others the benefit of the doubt in order to reduce our anger.
Dale Carnegie quote: "You can make more friends in 2 months by being truly interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you."
This next part was neat: On Writing. Committing things to writing accesses different parts of the mind in ways that other modes of expression do not. It can help change someone's mind and make an imagined story feel real. How does this help? Well there are many coolo exercises you can do on her website (these are neat and I'm going to start doing them). This one for example is called Getting Satisfaction. It involves writing instances down where someone ticked you off. You write a page about how much it made you mad. Then you write another page pretending to be that person and apologize to you for their behavior. In Inception, while in the dream state, this is called Perceiving and Creating your world simultaneously. While doing this is easier to do during dreaming, it's a good way to practice it while being conscious. I've been telling people for years that Inception is possible. Look how close we're getting. Haters gunna hate.
Another practice is called Delving Into Sensations. You hold eye contact a little longer than normal with someone or stand closer than normal. The point of this exercise is to get you arrested and convicted of a Hate Crime. I'm teasing. It helps you to practice your endurance in uncomfortable situations as well as uncertainty. Remember we talked about that earlier? Self-Mastery. There isn't enough of it today. Internal discomfort is the primary obstacle to becoming charismatic. There we go again with Buddhist teachings. One of the Four Noble Truths is that All Life is Suffering. This is how I interpret it. Actually I started doing this at the beginning of the year. Not quite how she describes but one of my many New Year's Resolutions was to participate more in Sunday Services, typically by commenting class. The end goal is to build greater self-confidence and worry less what people think of me.
Whoever has less endurance for silence loses.
Showing vulnerability is good for leaders because it makes them more human.
The author talked about CEOs that hold interviews for candidates and know within the first few seconds of the interview who they will hire. First impressions are generated in the lowest/fastest part of the brain - or the more primitive part.
Logic makes people think. Emotion makes people act. Charisma peaks to your emotional side.
Hostility is the external manifestation of internal turmoil.
Defensiveness is the outward face of fear and anxiety.
Speeches/talks/lessons need to be about the audience, not yourself.
This book helps you to understand deeply why Michael Scott hates Toby so much and why Andy mimics Michael when he transfers to the Scranton Branch. It also helps you to understand why candles and fire are romantic and and soothing.
There is a drawback for charisma or having too much of it, actually. Others can start to resent and be jealous of you. I suppose there's not much you can do about that so just go on and build up your charisma anyways.