Reviews with content warning for Pregnancy - You're the Only One I've Told: The Stories Behind Abortion

Reviews tagging 'Pregnancy'

You're the Only One I've Told: The Stories Behind Abortion by Meera Shah

6 reviews

shannonmmay's review

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emotional informative reflective medium-paced

4.5

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yourbookishbff's review against another edition

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challenging emotional informative reflective sad slow-paced

5.0

You're the Only One I've Told, by Dr. Meera Shah, is an incredibly compelling collection of abortion stories. Dr. Shah is a physician who provides abortions and reproductive healthcare to patients in New York, but her compilation of stories spans experiences across (and outside of) the US. She highlights a diverse cross-section of people, effectively evidencing the thousands of intricacies in any reproductive healthcare decision. Each story is told in close collaboration with the story's owner, and each story is complemented by contextual details about the specific state/country the patient lived in (and thus, the various legal challenges they faced).

In bringing these stories together in a single collection, Dr. Shah examines the personal, relational, familial, religious, cultural, medical and legal layers in every decision, showing us just how complex pregnancy decisions can be. We hear the stories of single people, married parents with children, nonbinary and trans people, people of color, young and not-so-young people, people seeking care hundreds - and sometimes thousands - of miles from home, people who have had multiple abortions, people who have encountered planned pregnancies with complex diagnoses and people who have encountered unplanned pregnancies and so many more. No two stories are alike, making the black-and-white legal barriers they each face all the more absurd. It is particularly eye-opening to see just how inaccessible reproductive healthcare is to the people highlighted in these stories, and this was written and published BEFORE the reversal of Roe vs. Wade. Abortion access has been steadily eroding for decades, and when you see intimately in these accounts the real people that these mostly state-led restrictions have impacted, it's heart wrenching.

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mckeelyshannon's review against another edition

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challenging emotional informative reflective medium-paced

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leweylibrary's review

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challenging emotional hopeful informative reflective sad fast-paced

5.0

WHAT. A. BOOK.
Sorry for the all caps and bolded text, but seriously every single person needs to read this book. The stories of real people who have had abortions helps humanize and show the variety of people and situations that exist. I already feel like it's made me a lot more empathetic, particularly towards people who have to continue a pregnancy because abortion just isn't really an option for them even though it is technically legal in this country.

One of the biggest things I'll take away from this book is goes much I learned. I thought I knew quite a bit about abortion and the movement against it, but JEEZ. I had no idea that doctors are often required to make the patient see a sonogram or that the waiting periods have such dumb restrictions around them or that they have to follow a script full of misinformation. How the f is it possible for that to even be a thing?? They're doctors!! Ugh. I also learned about fake clinics (I've seen them around but had no idea just how vile they were) and that so many hospitals in this country are Catholic institutions and can just straight up deny you care or deny you crucial medical information because of it. The lengths that the anti-abortion movement has gone to is absolutely astounding and so much deeper and more varied and nuanced than I ever knew. I also learned about the teleabortion option like with Plan C. When I think of home abortions, I think of coat hangers and Call the Midwife.

I've also done a lot of reflecting, and I know I will continue to do so for a long time now because of this book. For example, the chapter from the man's perspective was so interesting because I've always been someone who thought men just don't really belong in this conversation in most instances, that ultimately it's a woman's decision. But because of that chapter and the chapter and language throughout focused on gender inclusivity and care, I'm shifting my opinions.

Two things that are sticking with me in particular is the man who says he's never been asked about his BC methods by doctors and the quote about how women are more than our reproductive organs. Especially as someone who is very adamantly childfree and has zero desire to ever birth children from my body, this sentence made me want to put it on a sign and fist pump it to the world.

I don't know if anyone else will ever read this, but please, if you managed to read all of this, now go read this book. There's a great notes section and resources section (I followed a lot on IG already!), and a portion of the proceeds from the book are used to promote reproductive health access.

Quotes:

I've always believed that the simple act of sharing stories is one of the most effective ways to influence, teach, and inspire change. Storytelling creates emotional connections between people. By sharing the nuances of culture, history, and values, people and ideas are united through their stories. Even if an individual can't identify with another's exact experience, there's usually some component of the story, even a small as the fleeting, universal emotions a fear or happiness, that can be shared and appreciated. (5)
When someone does share, they're immediately labeled as "brave" and "courageous." Maybe this is true. Given the hostile climate that often surrounds those topic, it is brave to talk about abortion openly. But I fear that this rhetoric may worsen the stigma as well. Should someone be called brave for doing what they felt was best for them? I don't think so. But we can say that someone is brave to choose themselves when often societal and familial actors actively try to take away their reproductive autonomy. When someone chooses the healthcare they need despite the backlash they may face, yes, that's brave. People should be treated with the same dignity and respect regardless of what decisions they make for themselves about pregnancy and parenting. (7)
Telling stories about abortion is an important part of a movement towards acceptance of the breadth and diversity of human experience. (9)
Saying That abortion should be rare is dangerous and worsen stigma. We cannot accept legislation that chips away at access to abortion and criminalizes people who seek abortion outside of the medical system. We must pay close attention to those who are the most affected by abortion restrictions, and not forget that race and ethnicity have become significant indicators of access. (28)
Rose's experience bears a resemblance to many other young people's first sexual experiments. Her sexual awareness was beginning to blossom, though her environment didn't provide her with an education that developed at the same pace. This is unfortunately the context for so many instances of initial sexual contact--budding desires let loose without the proper context or support for them to be fostered safely. (52)
The reality is that parental consent does not always translate to parental support. (58)
...moving forward we should not equate "women's health" with "reproductive health." Women should not be reduced to the reproductive anatomy and reproductive health should be inclusive of all people, of all gender identities, needing to access it. (85)
"It's not about being pro-choice, it's about being pro-truth." (103)
The pressure to have children always weighed heavily on Luna. She's heard about the topic "from every single person I know: my parents, my in-laws, every person on the planet. We've been married 10 years and people are like, 'When are you going to have a child?' As If that is the defining moment of my life." (113)
Without any kind of parental leave... Having a baby was like taking a huge pay cut, not to mention all the added expenses. (129)
What the script does is try to coerce people to continue a pregnancy and give birth...There is no other medical procedure that requires a doctor to read a propaganda-based script that has been written by politicians. (138)
Abortion is healthcare. But there is no other form of healthcare that requires patients to face as many obstacles. The laws don't dictate how we counsel patients before their knee surgery. The laws don't make us lie to our patients before they're colonoscopy. Our system is feeling people, especially people of color. (139)
It's frustrating to constantly see and correct lies and misinformation about abortion in the news. It feels like an unnecessary push and pull when the facts about abortion are proven science. (152)
It's not a far stretch to link male predominance in the anti-abortion movement to the conservative Christian, right-wing ideal of the patriarchal male role in the family unit--the breadwinner, the provider, the caregiver, the protector. The decision maker. The knower of what's best. Whether we're ready to admit it or not, it's still seems to persist that the idea of abortion and bodily autonomy mean be perceived as a threat to masculinity. If not outright, then certainly and subtle, subconscious ways. (173)
...somewhere along the way, a woman's right to use birth control turned into a woman's responsibility to use birth control, which is not fair and not inclusive. (174)
"It doesn't matter what the circumstance is or what's happening to a woman or to a family: that's her choice or their choice. And it's none of my damn business." (193)
What she taught me was that it was unfair to make religion and abortion polarizing opposites when they can, in fact, reinforce one another. (216)
We expect people to know exactly when they got pregnant, how far along they are, and how they are going to handle the pregnancy--This isn't fair. This way of thinking it doesn't take into account finances, emotions, ambivalence, support, coercion, abuse, culture, religion, and the countless other things that shape people's experiences. (250)
All anyone is looking for is an opportunity to say, "That happened to me, too." (253)
"The information is out there. You shouldn't have to sift through what is true and what is false. No one should have to go through that, ever." (253)
There are about 4,000 fake health centers compared to the 780 real providers of abortion care. That means that for every one health center that provides abortion care, there are five fake clinics. (261)
The waiting, mandated ultrasounds, and unscientific scripts are all founded on the assumption that the patients can't be trusted, that doctors can't be trusted, and that politicians know best. (272)

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readalongwithnat's review against another edition

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informative medium-paced

4.0

I especially enjoyed this on audio. As someone who hasn't had an abortion, but certainly would if necessary, I felt very validated while listening to this book. I appreciated how gender inclusive the author was and how every person was introduced with their pronouns.

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alicelalicon's review against another edition

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informative reflective slow-paced

3.5

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