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Reviews tagging 'Toxic relationship'
Counting the Cost by Derek Dillard, Craig Borlase, Jill Duggar
87 reviews
emeryrachelle's review against another edition
emotional
informative
reflective
tense
medium-paced
3.5
I went into this book knowing very little about the Duggars. I didn't grow up watching their show. I didn't technically grow up IBLP, but I did grow up Independent Fundamental Baptist and homeschooling with most of the same mindsets and principles. I had a very similar family, but with 4 kids instead of 19 and no camera crew.
I also did not know anything about Derick or his behavior on Twitter until after reading. That certainly changes my thoughts on him as a person and his values.
But as a book by itself, I thought it was well written. The narrative and pacing were woven and handled well.
I think Jill has a lot still left to unpack, and I saw this book as a sort of "snapshot" of one point in her life and deconstruction journey. She does leave a lot of things more vague and surface level than I would have, but considering the life she never chose as a public figure, this was one time she was able to control her story and choose her own privacy. I can respect that.
There's a lot I could say about her view of her mother or the story about her infamous brother. I could relate to a lot more than I wish I did. I don't agree with everything she did or said. But if someone is at the beginning of their fundamentalist or cult deconstruction, this might be a good first read to help them start that path.
Thanks to Elora at online1roomschoolhouse on Instagram for the recommendation.
I also did not know anything about Derick or his behavior on Twitter until after reading. That certainly changes my thoughts on him as a person and his values.
But as a book by itself, I thought it was well written. The narrative and pacing were woven and handled well.
I think Jill has a lot still left to unpack, and I saw this book as a sort of "snapshot" of one point in her life and deconstruction journey. She does leave a lot of things more vague and surface level than I would have, but considering the life she never chose as a public figure, this was one time she was able to control her story and choose her own privacy. I can respect that.
There's a lot I could say about her view of her mother or the story about her infamous brother. I could relate to a lot more than I wish I did. I don't agree with everything she did or said. But if someone is at the beginning of their fundamentalist or cult deconstruction, this might be a good first read to help them start that path.
Thanks to Elora at online1roomschoolhouse on Instagram for the recommendation.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Emotional abuse, Toxic relationship, and Religious bigotry
Moderate: Child abuse
Minor: Sexual assault
ktscooper's review against another edition
hopeful
inspiring
fast-paced
4.0
Content Warnings
Minor: Emotional abuse, Misogyny, Sexual assault, and Toxic relationship
kalebd_2125's review
challenging
dark
emotional
funny
informative
reflective
sad
tense
medium-paced
4.0
An illuminating and heartbreaking read, if occasionally frustrating. Jill's still in the process of healing, so the "half in half out" mentality she expresses is difficult to read.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Child death, Toxic relationship, Religious bigotry, and Medical trauma
Minor: Pedophilia
michellehebert's review against another edition
emotional
informative
inspiring
reflective
sad
medium-paced
4.0
Very interesting to hear what was really going on behind a show I grew up watching. So much more perspective on it all now.
Content Warnings
Minor: Adult/minor relationship, Child abuse, Emotional abuse, Miscarriage, Panic attacks/disorders, Sexual assault, Sexual violence, Toxic relationship, and Religious bigotry
jla's review against another edition
sad
fast-paced
3.5
Content Warnings
Graphic: Child abuse, Pedophilia, Sexism, Sexual assault, and Toxic relationship
lovelymisanthrope's review against another edition
challenging
dark
emotional
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
I picked this up because I have been a fan of Jill’s for many years.
“Counting the Cost” is a novel written by Jill Duggar that recounts her life thus far. The Duggars became a household name in the 2000’s because of their massive family and modest way of life. In recent years, more information has come out about questionable things that happened behind the scenes. In this novel, Jill shares what her life really looked like having so many siblings and growing up in a very religious household.
One of the things I appreciated the most about this novel was that Jill did not seem hyper critical of her family, particularly her father. She very much loves and respects her parents, and despite being gravely mistreated, she still does not seem to harbor the resentment I think most people would have. She tells her story without bashing her parents, but she also shares how she has established boundaries with them because she does not feel they have her best interest at heart. Additionally, Jill does not critique her siblings for choosing a different path and continuing to follow her parents. She does hold Josh responsible for his actions, which I am sure was difficult for her to write about.
It is really heartbreaking to learn everything that happened behind the scenes of a show I found enjoyment in. I am happy Jill now has a voice to share her story in as many or as few of words as she would like. I am also elated to see her with Derick. He seems to be such a supportive husband and has shown Jill nothing but love and patience through the years.
Jill was always one of my favorite Duggars, so I really enjoyed learning more about her life. Especially what she was up to when the cameras were not rolling. She has lived a beautiful life so far and I think she has a lot of knowledge, insight, and compassion to share with the world. Jill and Derick find a lot of fulfillment in partaking in mission trips, which were both humbling and terrifying to read about.
If you are curious about the Duggars, or specifically Jill, I highly recommend this book.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Death, Gun violence, Toxic relationship, Violence, Medical content, Religious bigotry, Medical trauma, Murder, and Pregnancy
Moderate: Child abuse and Sexual assault
theabee's review against another edition
challenging
dark
emotional
reflective
sad
medium-paced
4.0
Content Warnings
Graphic: Child abuse, Emotional abuse, Toxic relationship, Religious bigotry, Medical trauma, Pregnancy, and Gaslighting
Moderate: Miscarriage, Pedophilia, Sexual assault, Grief, and Abandonment
befrazzledenby's review against another edition
emotional
reflective
medium-paced
4.0
i knew this book would be a lot as someone who grew up IBLP like jill, but i’m glad to know that, even though we didn’t end up in the same place or on the same page after leaving, another survivor finally has the chance to share her side of the story and making it out. definitely parts that were triggering and parts i will be talking about in therapy lol, but also a lot of parts where i felt less alone and less crazy.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Child abuse, Emotional abuse, Pedophilia, Sexual assault, Toxic relationship, Religious bigotry, Pregnancy, and Gaslighting
brie__774's review against another edition
challenging
dark
emotional
informative
reflective
sad
tense
medium-paced
4.0
Even though I disagree with a lot of the Duggars viewpoints on a multitude of things — I think this was a book worth reading.
Understand then be understood is how I go about processing life and I felt like this was good insight for understanding others.
I think Jill’s personal growth is commendable and I think fortunately/unfortunately a lot of people can connect to her experience and story.
I think her ability to continue to grow when everyone thought she would wither is a testament to her strong convictions and I think it will inspire others in similar situations to do what is best for them, especially if the mould they are in doesn’t suit them.
Understand then be understood is how I go about processing life and I felt like this was good insight for understanding others.
I think Jill’s personal growth is commendable and I think fortunately/unfortunately a lot of people can connect to her experience and story.
I think her ability to continue to grow when everyone thought she would wither is a testament to her strong convictions and I think it will inspire others in similar situations to do what is best for them, especially if the mould they are in doesn’t suit them.
Content Warnings
Moderate: Misogyny, Toxic relationship, and Gaslighting
stephanieluxton's review against another edition
emotional
hopeful
informative
sad
medium-paced
4.25
I have never seen an episode of 19 Kids and Counting or any spinoffs in my life. I know nothing about the Duggars other than that they all have J names. I just enjoy memoirs for some reason so here we are.
I enjoyed this book and I found it to be tastefully written. I enjoy how Jill and Derrick can write in depth about their experiences, struggles, and triumphs in a way that didn't feel like they were throwing their family under the bus or painting them as bad people. I loved hearing about the struggle to live authentically when your real life is also a tv show. I legit teared up in the part of the book where she was giving birth to Samuel.
What I enjoyed most about this book is that Jill and Derrick simply seem like intelligent people. I can appreciate the level of critical thinking they had to do in order to abandon certain beliefs and values that were damaging to themselves and the family/life they were building. I can also appreciate that they didn't totally rebel against their religion and shifted their perspectives to focus on the aspects of christianity that make the world a better place. It was enjoyable to read about their journey so far.
I enjoyed this book and I found it to be tastefully written. I enjoy how Jill and Derrick can write in depth about their experiences, struggles, and triumphs in a way that didn't feel like they were throwing their family under the bus or painting them as bad people. I loved hearing about the struggle to live authentically when your real life is also a tv show. I legit teared up in the part of the book where she was giving birth to Samuel.
What I enjoyed most about this book is that Jill and Derrick simply seem like intelligent people. I can appreciate the level of critical thinking they had to do in order to abandon certain beliefs and values that were damaging to themselves and the family/life they were building. I can also appreciate that they didn't totally rebel against their religion and shifted their perspectives to focus on the aspects of christianity that make the world a better place. It was enjoyable to read about their journey so far.
Content Warnings
Moderate: Toxic relationship and Religious bigotry
Minor: Miscarriage, Misogyny, Pedophilia, Sexism, and Sexual assault