Reviews tagging 'Toxic relationship'

What Doesn't Kill You: A Life with Chronic Illness - Lessons from a Body in Revolt by Tessa Miller

18 reviews

anathema_thorn's review against another edition

emotional informative reflective medium-paced

3.25

This was part memoir, part white lady telling the reader what to do. I wish it was much more of the former and none of the latter, but the author thought it was more worth the space to provide advice for people beginning their chronic illness journey than to offer a more complete version of her own story. 

The parts of her chronic illness story she includes are compelling, like the initial chapters detailing her first hospitalization. They resembled mine so closely that I was hooked, only to be disappointed later on. She introduces important information about Crohn's disease with an unpredictable cadence throughout the book, in a way that tbh I think would make it difficult for someone new to learning about Crohn's to grasp what the disease entails. For crying out loud, it took her until at least halfway through the book to bring up immunosuppressant medication! There aren't a lot of good IBD-centric memoirs out there, and she clearly has the capacity to write something informative, but she didn't decide to make a more comprehensive memoir that makes Crohn's more understandable. Sigh.

While the advice, frankly, is often good, the language it is couched in is quite prescriptive and sometimes is condescending...maybe it strikes me that way because I'm already well acquainted with being chronically ill and someone who is newer in the journey might see it another way, though. 

Getting more into the "white lady" part of it. From the writing style it is clear the author has a journalism background. While she acknowledges her privilege in a pretty standard way, it rings pretty hollow, considering how she goes onto casually drop the names of the publications she works for, the benefits she has, and vaguely alludes to how much her monthly salary is. The way she mentions how certain health outcomes affect people of different races or other demographics different from her own sounds like she was checking off a box rather than compassionately thinking about how chronic illness affects these communities. Also...through all of this she used the word "minorities"...c'mon, gurl, it's the 2020s. With all that in mind, her advice about how to choose doctors, among other things, sounds condescending, because while most people DO deserve much more considerate doctors and more thoughtful care, most people can't be choosy and frankly are lucky if they can even see a specialist regularly (obviously I wish that was different).

But maybe she realized a chronological telling of her life wouldn't have been as compelling as a combination of advice and memoir. Idk. Ultimately it's a really personal choice to even write a memoir, but for me I thought this story would have been more impactful if told very differently.  

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Chronic illness, Toxic relationship, Blood, Excrement, Medical content, and Medical trauma

Moderate: Addiction, Mental illness, and Vomit

meliroo's review

informative reflective

4.25

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Addiction, Alcoholism, Chronic illness, Death, Drug abuse, Emotional abuse, Mental illness, Toxic relationship, Excrement, Medical content, Medical trauma, and Death of parent

nhackley's review

emotional hopeful informative inspiring reflective medium-paced

4.5

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Addiction, Alcoholism, Chronic illness, Domestic abuse, Panic attacks/disorders, Sexual assault, Suicidal thoughts, Toxic relationship, Vomit, Medical content, Grief, Medical trauma, and Death of parent

atokuyama's review

emotional informative reflective fast-paced

5.0

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Chronic illness, Mental illness, Panic attacks/disorders, Sexual assault, Excrement, Medical content, Grief, Medical trauma, and Death of parent

Moderate: Addiction, Alcoholism, Death, Domestic abuse, Drug abuse, Drug use, Eating disorder, Fatphobia, Suicidal thoughts, Toxic relationship, Blood, and Pandemic/Epidemic

Minor: Ableism, Misogyny, and Gaslighting

katrinarose's review

emotional hopeful informative inspiring reflective medium-paced

5.0

Part memoir, part self-help, part political/sociological analysis, this was a wonderfully realistic yet hopeful book. As someone who has her same diagnosis (but has not gone through the level of severity she has) I empathized with her harrowing medical trauma. Her writing style kept me hooked. I imagine the self-help aspects to be invaluable for those with severe chronic illness and are written with such tenderness. She also rounds the book out with many statistics and research articles both to infuriate the reader about the state of healthcare in America but also act as a call to action. Since I am able to forget about my diagnosis 90% of the time, I don’t feel I am the exact target audience, however I loved it and would recommend to anyone chronically ill, anyone who has a chronically ill loved one, or anyone interested in the topic of healthcare in America.

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Chronic illness, Domestic abuse, Suicidal thoughts, Excrement, Medical trauma, and Death of parent

Moderate: Addiction, Alcoholism, Drug abuse, Drug use, Eating disorder, Emotional abuse, Sexual assault, Toxic relationship, Violence, Blood, Vomit, and Grief

elsea_readingelsea's review

emotional informative inspiring medium-paced

4.0

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Ableism, Chronic illness, Sexual assault, Toxic relationship, Vomit, Medical content, and Medical trauma

laurenkimoto's review against another edition

challenging emotional hopeful sad slow-paced

4.0

Why isn’t heart wrenching an option for the mood of the book??

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Alcoholism, Body horror, Chronic illness, Domestic abuse, Drug abuse, Eating disorder, Emotional abuse, Mental illness, Panic attacks/disorders, Rape, Self harm, Sexual assault, Suicidal thoughts, Toxic relationship, Blood, Excrement, Vomit, Medical content, Grief, Medical trauma, Death of parent, Gaslighting, Dysphoria, and Injury/Injury detail

internationalreads's review against another edition

challenging dark emotional informative reflective fast-paced

5.0

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Chronic illness, Death, Domestic abuse, Eating disorder, Mental illness, Panic attacks/disorders, Self harm, Sexual assault, Suicidal thoughts, Toxic relationship, Excrement, Vomit, Medical content, Grief, Medical trauma, and Death of parent

the_vegan_bookworm's review

challenging emotional informative reflective sad slow-paced

5.0

This was a compelling, honest look at life with chronic illness. I felt seen and heard as a person with a disability while I read Miller's recounts of her life. This book gave me a lot to reflect on in my own experiences and beliefs about (dis)ability and a meaningful life with a chronic condition, while also validating me for the fears and emotions I experience. 

If you are chronically ill or disabled, I especially recommend this book to you.

This being said, please note the trigger warnings as this book may be difficult to read for some people. Miller discusses the abuse she experienced from her alcoholic father and drug-addicted ex-boyfriend, the nitty gritty of Crohn's (including detailed references to excrement, blood and vomit), medical trauma and ableism of many kinds, and sexual assault. 

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Ableism, Addiction, Alcoholism, Child abuse, Chronic illness, Domestic abuse, Drug abuse, Drug use, Emotional abuse, Panic attacks/disorders, Physical abuse, Sexual assault, Sexual violence, Suicidal thoughts, Toxic relationship, Violence, Blood, Excrement, Vomit, Medical content, Grief, Medical trauma, and Death of parent

Minor: Fatphobia and Racism

wickedgrumpy's review

emotional hopeful informative reflective slow-paced

3.0

I find myself torn about this book.

I think the thing that frustrates me is that the intended audience switches between the chronically ill, those who are close to chronically ill people, and anyone who is curious about what it's like to live with chronical illness.  To me, that is too broad of a scope.  Since I fit into the first category, I find myself irked when the tone shifts to address the others.

That is to say, it's partly a memoir, partly a self help book, and partly reference material.  I do think that there are some parts that are beneficial and good, but there are others that are so bizarre that I struggled to finish it.  Also, reading it might be a triggering experience.

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Content Warnings

Minor: Addiction, Chronic illness, Confinement, Drug use, Eating disorder, Mental illness, Misogyny, Panic attacks/disorders, Self harm, Sexism, Suicidal thoughts, Toxic relationship, Blood, Excrement, Medical content, Medical trauma, Death of parent, and Injury/Injury detail