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durandal's review against another edition
Enough To Make You Blush (the Updated Edition--I haven't read the original) is a self-published work by Princess Kali, who is described in the back cover copy as a "former Dominatrix and world-renowned Humiliatrix." I don't believe you can buy physical copies in brick-and-mortar bookstores besides maybe some sex/kink shops; I ordered a copy via her Etsy store, which is a charmingly strange way to buy a book.
I have a real fondness for what you might call "kink meta"--nonfiction material exploring the psychology, appeal, etc. of various aspects of kink, from the very high-level theory of it all to memoir or other personal stories. In my experience, you usually find these either on blogs--and the naughty aughties sex-posi blogosphere is a dying beast--or in kink guides or manuals, which may or may not deliver anything more than practical how-to's. Humiliation is necessarily psychological, so it's a good fit for this, but this is the first book of its kind that focuses specifically on humiliation, a fact that Princess Kali attributes to stigma within kink communities around humiliation as being more dangerous or sketchy than more physical kinds of play due to its psychological edginess. I have insufficient anecdata to confirm or deny this hypothesis, but it's interesting to reflect on from a fandom/erotica writing/etc perspective, where I feel like it's relatively common and accepted as a kink like any other... or maybe I just think that because I write it constantly and no one's flamed me for it????
I have a real fondness for what you might call "kink meta"--nonfiction material exploring the psychology, appeal, etc. of various aspects of kink, from the very high-level theory of it all to memoir or other personal stories. In my experience, you usually find these either on blogs--and the naughty aughties sex-posi blogosphere is a dying beast--or in kink guides or manuals, which may or may not deliver anything more than practical how-to's. Humiliation is necessarily psychological, so it's a good fit for this, but this is the first book of its kind that focuses specifically on humiliation, a fact that Princess Kali attributes to stigma within kink communities around humiliation as being more dangerous or sketchy than more physical kinds of play due to its psychological edginess. I have insufficient anecdata to confirm or deny this hypothesis, but it's interesting to reflect on from a fandom/erotica writing/etc perspective, where I feel like it's relatively common and accepted as a kink like any other... or maybe I just think that because I write it constantly and no one's flamed me for it????
The most interesting part of the book is the chapter "Why Do People Enjoy Humiliation?". Princess Kali's experience as a pro domme specializing in humiliation becomes very apparent, as she's put a lot of thought into the hows and whys of it all. I don't think I realized how deep-seated this all is in my psychology until I read someone try to explain, in very intellectualized ways, the appeal of something that to me feels completely self-explanatory, so... thanks for the reality check? The increased self-awareness? Etc.
I appreciate her coinage of "kernel kink," which is a succinct way to refer to the (to me, intuitive, but again I'm now like, IS ANYTHING???) concept that the erotic aspect of humiliation relies on understanding the contours of what it is about humiliation the sub finds arousing, and the same "humiliating" act can have completely different valences for different people, including them not finding it humiliating at all, or only finding it humiliating in a bad way. Kernel kink then refers to the emotional aspects, the "how do you want to feel" of it all, which she uses as the primary building block of the content that follows. I've found myself using this term since then, where appropriate, and I just hope it's clear enough from context that people can understand what I mean.
The other highlight was the survey results--the author collected anonymized survey responses from 1,000+ respondents, collected over many years, who self-identify as enjoying erotic humiliation (either giving or receiving.) The book is punctuated with excerpts, which give great insight into the truly vast array of human desire and sexual behaviour (that sounds judgy, but it's really not), as well as bringing it all a little "back down to earth," as the personal anecdotes delivered by an extremely successful dominatrix can sometimes feel a bit... daunting.
The personal anecdotes are actually one of the book's cons for me; most of Princess Kali's submissives (that she writes about to illustrate her points, at any rate) are the specific demographic of "straight cis men who can pay to see an expensive dominatrix," and the flavour of humiliation she specializes in is not really my speed. This lack of close alignment between our ids meant that the more "practical" back half of the book was hit or miss. There are categories of humiliation I'm not very interested in for their own sake, but I enjoy reading about basically any form of kink if it gets into "meta" territory, the why of it all, but there wasn't enough navel-gazing in the later portions to fully make up for my empathy deficit (though I may just be hard to please.)
I mentioned earlier that this book is self-published, and while its overall concept, structure, and execution work very well and are on par with trad pubbed kink literature I've read, the self-pub of it all does reveal itself in a few places. There were enough typos across the manuscript that I found it mildly irritating, and wished that the author would've tossed some coins at a copy-editor for a quick pass, especially as this is a revised edition of the original, so she already knew the book was successful (within its context)! It's also all written in this sans-serif font that felt more appropriate for a blog than a print book, and it was hard on my eyes after 300+ pages.
Worth a purchase if for no other reason than that I find it really hilarious to have on my bookshelf in my room, which is organized by colour of book spines, so currently it's in between Dhalgren and The Sisters Brothers.
jeff_finley's review
5.0
I never expected I'd read a book about erotic humiliation. As far as kinks go, I prefer to be the degradER rather than the degradEE. This helped me understand humiliation and degredation in an entirely new way. Not only to understand WHY my partner enjoys being degraded, but also why I might be so twisted as to enjoy doing it. This book covers the more mental or psychological aspects of BDSM rather than the physical. That's right up my alley! I love the "WHY" question.
This book explores Intentionally setting up situations with a partner that make us or them feel embarrassed (in the way they enjoy) or "knocked down a peg" so to speak. These can be cathartic experiences that take us out of our egos and into the present moment. Helps us explore emotions such as shame and guilt and process them in a safe environment that is both pleasurable and loving.
The book also dives into all the different types of humiliation play, from psychological and mental games, to dirty talk and verbal degredation, to piss play and other messy kinks. The quotes from the contributors are also really helpful and placed throughout the book at a good pace.
It was also kind of fun to read this book in public, even if nobody knew I was reading it. For someone that hangs out more in the mental, spiritual, and emotional realms - humiliation play tends to be for more brainy or cerebral types. I got a lot out of this book and recommend it to anyone who wants to understand WHY people are into taboo kinks in general.
This book explores Intentionally setting up situations with a partner that make us or them feel embarrassed (in the way they enjoy) or "knocked down a peg" so to speak. These can be cathartic experiences that take us out of our egos and into the present moment. Helps us explore emotions such as shame and guilt and process them in a safe environment that is both pleasurable and loving.
The book also dives into all the different types of humiliation play, from psychological and mental games, to dirty talk and verbal degredation, to piss play and other messy kinks. The quotes from the contributors are also really helpful and placed throughout the book at a good pace.
It was also kind of fun to read this book in public, even if nobody knew I was reading it. For someone that hangs out more in the mental, spiritual, and emotional realms - humiliation play tends to be for more brainy or cerebral types. I got a lot out of this book and recommend it to anyone who wants to understand WHY people are into taboo kinks in general.
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