amsu's review
challenging
emotional
reflective
medium-paced
A book that came to me at the right time. MacNicol describes the highs and lows of deciding to live by oneself; deciding to live childfree and unmarried, beautifully
Content Warnings
Graphic: Death of parent and Dementia
Moderate: Child death
melissakuzma's review against another edition
4.0
I waited for this from the library for several months, so by the time I finally got it, I wasn't sure I even wanted to read it anymore, but I'm so glad I did. I used to read a lot of memoirs, but don't anymore - whether that's because my tastes have changed or because no one is writing the kind of memoirs I like anymore, I'm not sure. But this one was right up my alley. I am married but I don't have kids, so I could relate to the story on at least that level, and I just found the author so likable and the writing so easy and appealing, I flew through it in three days. I'm curious to hear what happens to Glynnis next!
scorpiodonut's review against another edition
4.0
Pretty good memoir of one woman's life as a single 40 year old woman. Her life is likely more glamorous than the average person, but it's good to read about one woman's experience.
It was well written and paced. I enjoyed reading it.
It was well written and paced. I enjoyed reading it.
jenn_sveda's review against another edition
4.0
Twenty-six seems too young to start the "oh my god I'm going to die alone" chorus, but nevertheless, it's something that's been on my mind lately. I had recently read "Thanks for Waiting," a memoir by Doree Shafrir, a memoir supposedly about being a late bloomer and the way that impacts your life. I was disappointed that Shafrir's experience ends up perfectly conforming to social norms about major milestones (namely having a career, getting married, and having kids) - for someone who has none of those things, I was less seeking reassurance that I would find them "someday" and more interested in hearing from someone who found happiness and satisfaction without them. Someone mentioned in a review for that book to try this one instead, and I'm happy I did!
There is something so refreshing in reading about a woman who is successful and untethered by marriage or children. Too often, we treat women who have or aspire to such lives as inherently selfish or incomplete. Though MacNicol often struggled with feelings of self-consciousness, shame, or envy over not having a husband and family by forty, her story is a powerful reminder that we can all find fulfillment in our relationships with family and friends, in exploring the world around us, and in taking advantage of every opportunity life affords us.
Something that particularly stuck out to me was MacNicol's description of her friend's wedding and the complicated feelings that come when friends inevitably move away from us - either physically or into a new stage of life. MacNicol points out that grief over losing friends to marriage (and in our culture which venerates romantic love above all other relationships, friends truly are lost in significant ways when they marry) is often overlooked or written off as jealousy. She notes instead that you can be happy for your friends and their happiness while still mourning the fact that you are losing an intimate and sacred relationship yourself.
MacNicol's struggles with her mother's failing health was also very touching and real. I think that is something most children fear with their parents - that someday their parents will not recognize them and that relationship will also be lost forever. Overall, I found this an engaging read (though I did struggle at first to get into it, possibly because I didn't have much time to dedicate to reading when I started this book). Though I live a very different life from the author, I can relate so much to many of her struggles, and her memoir serves as a beacon of hope in navigating one's own desires versus the expectations of the world around us.
There is something so refreshing in reading about a woman who is successful and untethered by marriage or children. Too often, we treat women who have or aspire to such lives as inherently selfish or incomplete. Though MacNicol often struggled with feelings of self-consciousness, shame, or envy over not having a husband and family by forty, her story is a powerful reminder that we can all find fulfillment in our relationships with family and friends, in exploring the world around us, and in taking advantage of every opportunity life affords us.
Something that particularly stuck out to me was MacNicol's description of her friend's wedding and the complicated feelings that come when friends inevitably move away from us - either physically or into a new stage of life. MacNicol points out that grief over losing friends to marriage (and in our culture which venerates romantic love above all other relationships, friends truly are lost in significant ways when they marry) is often overlooked or written off as jealousy. She notes instead that you can be happy for your friends and their happiness while still mourning the fact that you are losing an intimate and sacred relationship yourself.
MacNicol's struggles with her mother's failing health was also very touching and real. I think that is something most children fear with their parents - that someday their parents will not recognize them and that relationship will also be lost forever. Overall, I found this an engaging read (though I did struggle at first to get into it, possibly because I didn't have much time to dedicate to reading when I started this book). Though I live a very different life from the author, I can relate so much to many of her struggles, and her memoir serves as a beacon of hope in navigating one's own desires versus the expectations of the world around us.
hooliaquoolia's review against another edition
5.0
I didn't think I was going to rate this 5 stars until the last third of the book. Yes, it is limited in scope by sheer virtue of the author being middle-class and white, but nothing can be everything to everyone, and the author is honest with her audience and herself about the society she inhabits vs. the societies others are forced to inhabit.
That being said, it is a beautiful meditation on the female life without the road map of "dating->marriage->babies (career optional and not important)." Spanning MacNicol's fortieth year, it finds her in Iceland, France, and across North America as she tries to navigate an age that is so often used as the terminus of a woman's chance at "success" (dating->marriage->babies). This is not necessarily a book with an argument so much as a book with an offering; the offering being the author as living proof that women don't magically crumble to dust if they arrive at forty without a spouse or children. The writing is simple but engaging, and her portraits of the family lives of both her sister and her friends are affectionately and honestly rendered. There is no jargon and there are no bones to pick, but plenty of rumination about the choices she's made. I especially appreciated that there was no regret and no bitterness--I am so sick of hearing about women who are reduced to wailing toddlers because they don't have a husband and kids and a white picket fence.
This will not be everyone's cup of tea, but it just happened to be mine. I'm very glad I read it, and it will definitely be on my favorites of 2018 list.
That being said, it is a beautiful meditation on the female life without the road map of "dating->marriage->babies (career optional and not important)." Spanning MacNicol's fortieth year, it finds her in Iceland, France, and across North America as she tries to navigate an age that is so often used as the terminus of a woman's chance at "success" (dating->marriage->babies). This is not necessarily a book with an argument so much as a book with an offering; the offering being the author as living proof that women don't magically crumble to dust if they arrive at forty without a spouse or children. The writing is simple but engaging, and her portraits of the family lives of both her sister and her friends are affectionately and honestly rendered. There is no jargon and there are no bones to pick, but plenty of rumination about the choices she's made. I especially appreciated that there was no regret and no bitterness--I am so sick of hearing about women who are reduced to wailing toddlers because they don't have a husband and kids and a white picket fence.
This will not be everyone's cup of tea, but it just happened to be mine. I'm very glad I read it, and it will definitely be on my favorites of 2018 list.
cook_memorial_public_library's review against another edition
5.0
A 2018 staff favorite recommended by Ann and Jenn. Check our catalog: https://encore.cooklib.org/iii/encore/search/C__Sno%20one%20tells%20you%20this%20macnicol__Orightresult__U?lang=eng&suite=gold
lisaeirene's review against another edition
4.0
"If the story doesn't end with marriage or a child, what then?"
That's the question in this memoir. Glynnis is a Canadian writer living in New York City. She's had a somewhat successful career with some ups and down, but as she gets closer and closer to her 40th birthday, she starts to question the script that women are given. Meet a man, get married, have a baby.
At the same time as this, her mother is deteriorating from Parkinson's and Dementia. She flies back to Toronto frequently to help her parents and her younger sister who has two kids and a baby on the way.
"...this definitely feels like an excellent time to make an exit. But now that the person exiting belonged to me, it didn't feel that way at all. As it turned out, standing by death's door, no matter how long you spend there with a person, no matter how comfortable you think you are with its presence, is a great deal different than having that person walk through it. [Loc 71]"
The stress and grief she feels about her mother failing and eventually dying might be hard for some to read, but it's not the entire focus of the book. The book is about her experiences in her fortieth year trying to figure out what she wants, what she wants her life to look like and to come to peace with the expectations of society.
"I was thirty-nine, the age at which women made do with what they have, take the parts and construct them into something usable. [Loc 586]"
"I was certain that come the stroke of twelve my life would be cleaved in two, a before and an after: all that was good and interesting about me, that made me a person worthy of attention, considered by the world to be full of potential, would be stripped away, and whatever remained would be thrust, unrecognizable, into the void that awaited. [Loc 121]"
I could definitely relate to this book in a lot of ways. I'm almost 39 and I feel 40 looming. Even though I am married and have a toddler, part of me wonders if we will have another baby and then I start doing "the math" and realize we are "running out of time."
"As thirty-seven became thirty-eight became thirty-nine the calculations became even more pressing and less feasible. Married next week, and pregnant the next morning? Time ticked on. Eventually there was no way to make the numbers add up. I couldn't outrun my own clock. [Loc 199]"
The book is also about feminism and independence.
"Not every encounter needed to be the first step in a permanent decision. Men, it occured to me, perhaps for the first time in my life, did not need to be a goal. [Loc 1254]"
The book is beautiful to read. The experiences she has are fascinating and the fact that she takes control of her life is very empowering.
"Every woman I knew seemed to think she was failing in some way, had been raised to believe she was lacking, and was certain someone else was doing it better. Had been told never to trust her instincts. [Loc 2957]"
I enjoyed this book a lot and I think a lot of women would relate to her stories.
That's the question in this memoir. Glynnis is a Canadian writer living in New York City. She's had a somewhat successful career with some ups and down, but as she gets closer and closer to her 40th birthday, she starts to question the script that women are given. Meet a man, get married, have a baby.
At the same time as this, her mother is deteriorating from Parkinson's and Dementia. She flies back to Toronto frequently to help her parents and her younger sister who has two kids and a baby on the way.
"...this definitely feels like an excellent time to make an exit. But now that the person exiting belonged to me, it didn't feel that way at all. As it turned out, standing by death's door, no matter how long you spend there with a person, no matter how comfortable you think you are with its presence, is a great deal different than having that person walk through it. [Loc 71]"
The stress and grief she feels about her mother failing and eventually dying might be hard for some to read, but it's not the entire focus of the book. The book is about her experiences in her fortieth year trying to figure out what she wants, what she wants her life to look like and to come to peace with the expectations of society.
"I was thirty-nine, the age at which women made do with what they have, take the parts and construct them into something usable. [Loc 586]"
"I was certain that come the stroke of twelve my life would be cleaved in two, a before and an after: all that was good and interesting about me, that made me a person worthy of attention, considered by the world to be full of potential, would be stripped away, and whatever remained would be thrust, unrecognizable, into the void that awaited. [Loc 121]"
I could definitely relate to this book in a lot of ways. I'm almost 39 and I feel 40 looming. Even though I am married and have a toddler, part of me wonders if we will have another baby and then I start doing "the math" and realize we are "running out of time."
"As thirty-seven became thirty-eight became thirty-nine the calculations became even more pressing and less feasible. Married next week, and pregnant the next morning? Time ticked on. Eventually there was no way to make the numbers add up. I couldn't outrun my own clock. [Loc 199]"
The book is also about feminism and independence.
"Not every encounter needed to be the first step in a permanent decision. Men, it occured to me, perhaps for the first time in my life, did not need to be a goal. [Loc 1254]"
The book is beautiful to read. The experiences she has are fascinating and the fact that she takes control of her life is very empowering.
"Every woman I knew seemed to think she was failing in some way, had been raised to believe she was lacking, and was certain someone else was doing it better. Had been told never to trust her instincts. [Loc 2957]"
I enjoyed this book a lot and I think a lot of women would relate to her stories.
arieltf's review against another edition
4.0
"No one told me about the joy!" - Glynnis MacNicol's explanation of what no one told her about being single and childless in her 40s on the Call Your Girlfriend Summer Books 2018 podcast episode. No one told her about the joy, freedom, or stability. I knew instantly I needed to read her book. I don't explicitly plan on being single in my 40s, but I will probably be childless, and if my present-day choices are any indication of my romantic future, I will shirk the institution of marriage for something more open and less defined. MacNicol bemoaned that there were not many stories like hers made available for public consumption, and she's right. There are so few women like her I can think to look to for an indication of what my future might hold. I constantly thought about my women's studies graduate program advisors while reading; two unmarried women in a sea of wedding rings and hyphenated last names. Although I'm only 25, I'm from a tiny town in Oklahoma, and I currently live in Texas. Plenty of my friends have been in significant long-term relationships (many punctuated by extravagant parties and legal definitions), or are on their way down the aisle already. Even without marriage, not many of my friends are ever single for a period lasting longer than a month. Lesbians may not bring a u-haul to the second date, but they do bring it to the two-month anniversary. For many of my friends, they seem happy. Even the ones with earth-shattering heartbreaks every six or so months, they insist on letting Facebook/Instagram/Twitter/Tumblr know that they're the happiest they've ever been with their newest partner several weeks later. The first of my circle of local lesbian friends just had their first baby, and plenty of others have made it clear that sperm donors and IVF procedures are not too far down the road. What I'm saying is, even though MacNicol is a straight woman in her early 40s, and I am a lesbian in my mid-twenties, I could relate to a lot of what she wrote. I wondered how much of what she described would be my life in the next 20 or so years. Would friends come over to my hip apartment and seethe with envy? Would they complain to me about their spouses and children one moment and try to explain how marriage and parenthood were indescribable blessings the next? Would a world of travel and financial freedom unfold before me, so much that I would feel overwhelmed by the possibility of it all? Would my hitched friends describe my lifestyle as "single lady fun time" in grouptexts about weekend brunch plans despite my potentially overwhelming responsibilities to my chosen family? Would my "chosen family" see their connection to me as expendable while I was looking upon it as one of the most meaningful connections in my life (speaking as an unmarried, childless woman and also as a woman who has had to cut ties with her abusive parents)? When MacNicol wrote, “The obligations of friendship are unwritten," after feeling guilty for wanting to ask a friend to accompany her to a funeral, it hit me in the stomach. I realize it may be silly to be already worrying about how my life might look in 15-20 years, but I'm not worrying exactly, just speculating. Marveling about the possibilities stretched out before me.
P.S.
I'm so glad MacNicol didn't make men a significant part of her story. Unlike similarly-marketed books (*cough*What I Was Doing While You Were Breeding*cough*), MacNicol didn't wait to write about her adventures until some man came into her life to show readers she had finally found meaning or a happily ever after. She didn't even make her dating life a central part of the text. I felt this made her story much easier to relate to for me, personally. She's the cool, independent, self-actualized aunt I hope to be someday.
P.S.
I'm so glad MacNicol didn't make men a significant part of her story. Unlike similarly-marketed books (*cough*What I Was Doing While You Were Breeding*cough*), MacNicol didn't wait to write about her adventures until some man came into her life to show readers she had finally found meaning or a happily ever after. She didn't even make her dating life a central part of the text. I felt this made her story much easier to relate to for me, personally. She's the cool, independent, self-actualized aunt I hope to be someday.