Reviews with content warning for Toxic relationship - Love Is an Ex-Country

I was given access to an eARC of this book through NetGallety in exchange for an honest review.

Love is an Ex-Country is a poignant memoir about Randa Jarrar's life and experiences as a fat, queer, Muslim Arab-American woman. She discusses childhood, marriage, sex, motherhood, her Muslim identity, kink, her white-passing privilege, and much more on a personal level; she also weaves in facts about, for instance, the occupation of Palestine and how that affects her as a Palestinian. This memoir is not always easy or comfortable to read, with explicit depictions of e.g. domestic abuse and sexual assault, but if you are able to read about these topics it is worth it.

There is a strong theme of travel throughout the book - with journeys around the USA with her dog as well as to multiple other countries - but I would not call it a travelogue, which seems to have caused some confusion for other viewers. I personally prefer memoirs-with-travel rather than travel-with-memories, so this did not bother me.

If you would like a taste of the style of this memoir, many of the chapters have previously been published as essays in various magazines. Randa has also written fiction, which I will definitely be looking into and reading in the future.

Content Warnings

clarabooksit's review against another edition

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challenging dark emotional sad tense slow-paced

2.5

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fatimak's review against another edition

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dark emotional reflective sad fast-paced

3.0

This was a book I was looking forward to reading as it is the memoir of a queer, Muslim, Arab-American woman. The author tells her story of growing up in an abusive household, recounts her experiences of being in abusive and toxic relationships, reflects on her identity as a Palestinian as well as being white passing, and more. Heavy topics including racism, Islamophobia, fatphobia, and domestic abuse are discussed throughout, and it's astounding just how much the author has gone through throughout her life and truly inspiring how she's found her way through it. I particularly admired how she talked so openly and unapologetically about her sexuality, as well as her critiques of fatphobia and her championing of fat acceptance.

However, something about this book just didn't quite click with me (which feels weird to say as it's a memoir). I think perhaps the author's writing style just isn't for me. The way the book is structured and how we learn about different events and aspects of the author's life felt quite fragmented and all over the place. There were parts where I was confused about when in her life she was talking about and sometimes the use of letters in place of people's names got confusing (in particular, how she uses the letter L a lot to refer to different people).

Overall, I admire the author's courage to write such a personal memoir as well as her strength in making it through such awful experiences and, from what it sounds like, finding a form of peace and acceptance at the end, but I didn't quite connect to the story. I think there'll be many people who find this memoir interesting and get something out of it, so I'd encourage you to give it a chance if you're thinking of reading it (particularly if you're of American-Egyptian and/or Palestinian heritage, as books with that kind of representation aren't very common, though not being of either background I can't speak to the quality of the representation).

I received this book free from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

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bookswithmybulldog's review against another edition

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dark emotional reflective medium-paced

3.0

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