southernhon's review against another edition
5.0
This was a book heavy in statistics, yet very informative and enlightening. For those who are unfamiliar, the "hookup culture" is a term that is used to define a culture of young people who have replaced dating and courtship with casual sex. The hookup culture is mostly seen at four year colleges, where hormonally-charged young men and women are thrown together with little adult supervision. This should be enough to make any parent of a college aged child cringe, but what's important to know is that this attitude of casual sex comes with a high emotional price. There are unwritten contracts that demand the partners remain emotionally unattached, which leads to feelings of loneliness, inadequacy and sadness. These young people are not mature enough to handle the consequences of these hookups and this is truly sad. Many of them feel pressured to posture for their peers by engaging in activities that they know, deep down, are morally bankrupt.
The interviews with the students were especially interesting. The author chose a wide variety of college students, from those attending secular universities to those attending Catholic colleges. She also did not leave out the gay and lesbian community, who also feel compelled to participate in these hookups. Interestingly, many of the students attending Evangelical universities did not participate in this, which the author attributed to personal religious convictions stemming from abstinence pledges.
This brings us to the subject of abstinence, which the author handled delicately. She does not preach abstinence, but does interview some students who have, after losing their virginity, decided to wait for a real relationship to engage in further sexual activity. In this way, she says, she gives hope to women, especially, who feel hopeless after giving up their virginity in a way that was less than pleasing or pleasurable, often times to a virtual stranger.
The author talks about sex as something that should be mutually pleasurable for two people who care for each other and I think that is important. She spends a chapter talking about how the predominance of pornography and how the ease of accessibility for our young people has helped to form wrong attitudes about sex. She claims that pornography often portrays women as willing fantasy objects for men, which ultimately hurts both genders when it comes time for sexual relations with real people in real situations.
There is a common theme throughout the book and that shows in the interviews with the students. Most people, even young people, long for romance and for someone to truly know and care about them. The young men and women must force themselves, in many ways, to become uncaring and to stuff those feelings of longing down into a deep place inside themselves in order to be considered "cool".
The author contends that society has played a big part in the formation of the hookup culture by the sexualization of young teens. It's not uncommon to see 11 and 12 year old girls wearing makeup and clothing that make them appear much older. They're starting to act out these sexual roles long before our generation even thought about the opposite sex. Boys are not excluded from these messages. Hyper masculinity and the "boys will be boys" mentality is seen in movies and television shows. Some television shows even glorify and exploit this hookup culture by normalizing it.
I recommend this book especially for parents of teens and young adults. Although the conversation about sex with our young people should occur well before they reach this age, it is still a great way to begin a conversation with your children about expectations, valuing themselves and others, and how to behave respectfully.
The interviews with the students were especially interesting. The author chose a wide variety of college students, from those attending secular universities to those attending Catholic colleges. She also did not leave out the gay and lesbian community, who also feel compelled to participate in these hookups. Interestingly, many of the students attending Evangelical universities did not participate in this, which the author attributed to personal religious convictions stemming from abstinence pledges.
This brings us to the subject of abstinence, which the author handled delicately. She does not preach abstinence, but does interview some students who have, after losing their virginity, decided to wait for a real relationship to engage in further sexual activity. In this way, she says, she gives hope to women, especially, who feel hopeless after giving up their virginity in a way that was less than pleasing or pleasurable, often times to a virtual stranger.
The author talks about sex as something that should be mutually pleasurable for two people who care for each other and I think that is important. She spends a chapter talking about how the predominance of pornography and how the ease of accessibility for our young people has helped to form wrong attitudes about sex. She claims that pornography often portrays women as willing fantasy objects for men, which ultimately hurts both genders when it comes time for sexual relations with real people in real situations.
There is a common theme throughout the book and that shows in the interviews with the students. Most people, even young people, long for romance and for someone to truly know and care about them. The young men and women must force themselves, in many ways, to become uncaring and to stuff those feelings of longing down into a deep place inside themselves in order to be considered "cool".
The author contends that society has played a big part in the formation of the hookup culture by the sexualization of young teens. It's not uncommon to see 11 and 12 year old girls wearing makeup and clothing that make them appear much older. They're starting to act out these sexual roles long before our generation even thought about the opposite sex. Boys are not excluded from these messages. Hyper masculinity and the "boys will be boys" mentality is seen in movies and television shows. Some television shows even glorify and exploit this hookup culture by normalizing it.
I recommend this book especially for parents of teens and young adults. Although the conversation about sex with our young people should occur well before they reach this age, it is still a great way to begin a conversation with your children about expectations, valuing themselves and others, and how to behave respectfully.
kathyana's review against another edition
3.0
Freitas brings up interesting and fair criticisms about hookup culture on collage campuses but I'm not sure I completely agree with all her arguments. She takes a bit of a moderate approach to understanding alternatives which is helpful in providing a variety of potential social scripts but not as nuanced as I would have preferred. Overall presented some worthwhile thoughts to ponder.
gilliandanielson's review against another edition
2.0
maybe it’s because I’m a recent college grad, but I didn’t really learn anything new.
lunarfire's review against another edition
3.0
I don't think that this book has all the answers, but it definitely raised a lot of really thought provoking questions. I especially liked the chapter five, "Why We Get Boys Wrong: the Emotional Glass Ceiling" and chapter eight, "Opting out of Hookup Culture via The Date." The author had a lot to say about keeping gender stereotypes in mind when discussing intimacy and about the importance of educating young people to provide them with the basic skills they need to connect emotionally in a world that is, in some ways, too connected in the wrong ways.
howifeelaboutbooks's review against another edition
2.0
This book addressed the hookup culture prevalent on college campuses and how that affects legitimate relationships. The study was well-conducted, with a variety of men and women answering surveys and having interviews in person, from a mix of both religious and secular universities. Each chapter dealt with a different issue, like sex, dating, virginity, homosexuality, and more. At times it read a bit stiff, with too many figures and not enough breakdown of what it all meant. I expected it to read a bit more easily, but it was a little weighed down in figures.
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