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iftheshoef1tz's review
challenging
dark
emotional
reflective
sad
tense
medium-paced
4.0
While I don’t think I would have liked Lindsay as a person growing up, I feel such deep empathy for her past self, and clearly she really pities her younger, deeply emotionally stunted childhood self. The complicated love she feels for her mother, despite her mother’s frequent inability to be maternal, was so poignant, and I think that is true for many people and their emotionally abusive parents. The way mental illness was described in this book was upsetting and definitely didn’t pull any punches. I felt particularly terrible for Poh-Poh: off her anti-psychotics, she was hallucinating and unable to function, but from the description of her on medication doesn’t feel much more hopeful. I hope Lindsay is doing and feeling better - her comments throughout the book make it pretty obvious she’s had some therapy and is learning to recover/work around all that trauma.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Emotional abuse, Fatphobia, Medical trauma, Suicide attempt, and Schizophrenia/Psychosis
emjay2021's review
I took a very big break (6 months) in the middle of reading this. Partly it was because I had gotten it from the library and then had to return it before I was finished; partly it was because it was too exhausting to read all at once.
I recall a Goodreads commenter saying that they did not feel comfortable rating memoirs, because they didn't like the idea of critiquing someone's life experiences. I confess I have similar feelings. I know that some readers have expressed skepticism about all the events Lindsay Wong recounts in this memoir, but given that I've met several people who have experienced this kind of childhood abuse...I think "this has to be exaggerated" is something people just tell themselves because it's less disturbing than acknowledging it exists. I mean, sure, perhaps the conversations the author recounts aren't exactly accurate word-for-word, but that doesn't mean they are *untrue*.
I do find it kind of odd that this book was marketed as "darkly comedic," because although there were a couple of places where I laughed, most of it is just horrifying. It's the story of a child who was emotionally and physically abused, and whose family suffered from severe, untreated mental illness. Now, it is definitely a story of resilience: Lindsay Wong eventually emerged from this traumatic childhood, developed self-awareness and an understanding that her childhood was not normal and not her fault. But comedic? Nope. And that's not even taking into account the devastation caused by her own debilitating neurological disorder!
Like the author's family, my mother and her family are ethnically Chinese and immigrated from Asia to Canada (in fact, I grew up near Vancouver, like her, and I also attended UBC). So, there were some cultural aspects of the story I could relate to, like the intense fear of mental illness, the explaining away of extended family members' odd behaviour, and the idea that seeking counselling and psychiatric help is "only for crazy people" and thus to be avoided at all costs (because to be mentally ill was seen as a personal failing). I was also taught a lot of Chinese superstitions and cultural practices, and I can see how it would be confusing if there were also untreated mental illness thrown into the mix. At one point, Lindsay says it was hard for her to tell the difference between genuine Chinese superstitions and the things her family believed because of their mental illnesses.
Although I found the overall story interesting, particularly the last 1/3 which describes Lindsay's struggles with her neurological disorder while in grad school in New York, I was less engaged by the first 2/3 of the book, which I found a bit repetitive. I also think that her writing style is not one I prefer--it is raw, crude, and sharp, which is a legitimate stylistic choice and suits the subject matter, but simply isn't a style I am naturally drawn to.
So, would I recommend it? I don't know. I can see why it was recommended to me, and I am not sorry I read it. I think it is worth checking out, because if it is the kind of story you'll like, you'll like it. But if it is not a book for you, I think you'll be able to tell from reading my review.
I recall a Goodreads commenter saying that they did not feel comfortable rating memoirs, because they didn't like the idea of critiquing someone's life experiences. I confess I have similar feelings. I know that some readers have expressed skepticism about all the events Lindsay Wong recounts in this memoir, but given that I've met several people who have experienced this kind of childhood abuse...I think "this has to be exaggerated" is something people just tell themselves because it's less disturbing than acknowledging it exists. I mean, sure, perhaps the conversations the author recounts aren't exactly accurate word-for-word, but that doesn't mean they are *untrue*.
I do find it kind of odd that this book was marketed as "darkly comedic," because although there were a couple of places where I laughed, most of it is just horrifying. It's the story of a child who was emotionally and physically abused, and whose family suffered from severe, untreated mental illness. Now, it is definitely a story of resilience: Lindsay Wong eventually emerged from this traumatic childhood, developed self-awareness and an understanding that her childhood was not normal and not her fault. But comedic? Nope. And that's not even taking into account the devastation caused by her own debilitating neurological disorder!
Like the author's family, my mother and her family are ethnically Chinese and immigrated from Asia to Canada (in fact, I grew up near Vancouver, like her, and I also attended UBC). So, there were some cultural aspects of the story I could relate to, like the intense fear of mental illness, the explaining away of extended family members' odd behaviour, and the idea that seeking counselling and psychiatric help is "only for crazy people" and thus to be avoided at all costs (because to be mentally ill was seen as a personal failing). I was also taught a lot of Chinese superstitions and cultural practices, and I can see how it would be confusing if there were also untreated mental illness thrown into the mix. At one point, Lindsay says it was hard for her to tell the difference between genuine Chinese superstitions and the things her family believed because of their mental illnesses.
Although I found the overall story interesting, particularly the last 1/3 which describes Lindsay's struggles with her neurological disorder while in grad school in New York, I was less engaged by the first 2/3 of the book, which I found a bit repetitive. I also think that her writing style is not one I prefer--it is raw, crude, and sharp, which is a legitimate stylistic choice and suits the subject matter, but simply isn't a style I am naturally drawn to.
So, would I recommend it? I don't know. I can see why it was recommended to me, and I am not sorry I read it. I think it is worth checking out, because if it is the kind of story you'll like, you'll like it. But if it is not a book for you, I think you'll be able to tell from reading my review.
lisalikesdogs's review
3.0
I enjoyed this very much. Such an interesting history - hard to believe even, knowing Lindsay now! A world I know nothing about, so I learned a lot having a window into it.
amn028's review
2.0
I struggled to finish this book. The writing is good but the subject matter is hard.
mello78's review
4.0
I am so glad I read this book. The first 100 pages were really hard to get through. It was just so sad!! I’m in a book club and this was our last book. I therefore was motivated to push through and I’m so glad I did. It’s really nothing like anything out there. It shocking, it’s heart breaking and heart warming. The end almost made me cry. It was nice to read a book about someone who grew up in Vancouver too, as I have lived here my whole life. It’s dark: both sad dark and funny dark.
zee's review
challenging
dark
medium-paced
3.5
Dark, and bitingly witty, Wong regales us with her horrifically abusive experience growing up in a disturbingly undiagnosed mentally unwell family. It is a truly chaotic experience that almost feels like fiction except that it's too caustic and surreal to be made up. The good news is, Wong survives and manages to gain a solid understanding of how wild and unhealthy her experiences were. However as a book it's very heavy, flippant, and tough to read with the cruel humour.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Body shaming and Emotional abuse
Moderate: Mental illness, Panic attacks/disorders, Racism, Suicide attempt, and Schizophrenia/Psychosis
keetham's review
3.0
Second book in a row of nearly chronological life telling but this one was better than the last. I couldn’t decide how true I though this was but I guess it doesn’t matter. It was wild and sad but told in a funny way. Story of a person growing up in a family with serious mental health issues, mostly undiagnosed and untreated and trying to come to terms with the trauma, loss and fear
siobhanward's review
emotional
slow-paced
3.0
I struggle to rate memoirs low, because after all this is someone's account of their life, but this was just not a great read. It felt very much like Wong should have been describing the contents of this book to a therapist, rather than to an audience. Despite how clearly she remembers everything in the book, she seems very disconnected from all of it, which makes it feel like a total outsider telling the story, rather than someone in the middle of everything.
This made for a book that felt like a work of fiction, rather than a memoir. I'm not questioning the validity of the story at all, but Wong's disconnect from these events made it seem as though she has not fully processed things and really should be getting the help she needs (and deserves), rather than turning her story into a memoir. I'm just not sure what I'm supposed to learn from this, other than that untreated mental illness is traumatizing for the people around you and absolutely changes the outcome of your life, none of which is a revelation.
This made for a book that felt like a work of fiction, rather than a memoir. I'm not questioning the validity of the story at all, but Wong's disconnect from these events made it seem as though she has not fully processed things and really should be getting the help she needs (and deserves), rather than turning her story into a memoir. I'm just not sure what I'm supposed to learn from this, other than that untreated mental illness is traumatizing for the people around you and absolutely changes the outcome of your life, none of which is a revelation.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Bullying, Child abuse, Emotional abuse, Mental illness, Suicidal thoughts, and Suicide attempt
Moderate: Chronic illness
moomin333's review
2.0
DNF after about 6 chapters. I initially loved this and couldn't put it down. It quickly became very apparent to me that this was going to be a very depressing read but I have enjoyed similar memoirs in the past, as this kind of reminded me of Burroughs' "Running With Scissors". Structurally, the book could have really benefited from staggering chapters between college/adult years/anything else interspersed with her memories from childhood. It was simply too much - too devastating, to read chapter after chapter of insane cruelty from not only her parents, but extended family as well. The entire family was messed up! There was no relief from the torture of her daily existence; not even the humor with which she tells her stories can decrease the burnout rate of the reader, for it doesn't feel "right" to laugh at the situations she was in.
The author does insert small snippets of what she now understands to be the rampant undiagnosed mental illness present within her family, but even the small concessions she makes are not enough to give breathing room in such a tense read. I didn't have extraordinarily high hopes for this, and I'm not asking to make her story more palatable (there's no way it could be), but some tighter editing and restructuring would have gone a long way.
The author does insert small snippets of what she now understands to be the rampant undiagnosed mental illness present within her family, but even the small concessions she makes are not enough to give breathing room in such a tense read. I didn't have extraordinarily high hopes for this, and I'm not asking to make her story more palatable (there's no way it could be), but some tighter editing and restructuring would have gone a long way.