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finalefile's review
2.0
I read this book thinking I'd either love it or hate it - I really liked the author for a while a few years ago, when she was blogging regularly and giving me new-to-me perspectives on a number of topics, including Christian views on feminism.
In the end, though, I didn't love or hate the book. I actually found it to be rather bland and somewhat unconvincing. Most of the book just rehashed ideas that I'm already very familiar with, such as the concepts of purity culture, rape culture, objectification of women, victim-blaming, heteronormativity, and issues of consent. Therefore, this book would likely be more useful/interesting to a reader who doesn't know much about these topics. Also, I never really understood the goal of the book - it didn't seem to have a clear direction as I was reading it. The mixture of facts, opinions, and personal stories seemed perhaps better suited to a lecture/sermon format than a book format. I especially disliked the occasional "should" statements that were often ambiguous and didn't have much to back them up - for example, "we should look at virginity loss as a process." (Really? Why? What if some people don't want to look at it that way?) There were also some contradictory statements/ideas throughout the book - for example, the chapter "Choosing Celibacy" was not about choosing celibacy - it was about abstinence-only sex education!
And finally, while I agree with the main point of the book's last chapter - people have inherent value and shouldn't be shamed due to their sexual experiences or lack thereof - I didn't like the "anything goes" attitude that permeated it. I believe it's completely possible to value people no matter their experiences, while also retaining "traditional" beliefs of saving sex for marriage, or at least for long-term committed relationships.
In the end, though, I didn't love or hate the book. I actually found it to be rather bland and somewhat unconvincing. Most of the book just rehashed ideas that I'm already very familiar with, such as the concepts of purity culture, rape culture, objectification of women, victim-blaming, heteronormativity, and issues of consent. Therefore, this book would likely be more useful/interesting to a reader who doesn't know much about these topics. Also, I never really understood the goal of the book - it didn't seem to have a clear direction as I was reading it. The mixture of facts, opinions, and personal stories seemed perhaps better suited to a lecture/sermon format than a book format. I especially disliked the occasional "should" statements that were often ambiguous and didn't have much to back them up - for example, "we should look at virginity loss as a process." (Really? Why? What if some people don't want to look at it that way?) There were also some contradictory statements/ideas throughout the book - for example, the chapter "Choosing Celibacy" was not about choosing celibacy - it was about abstinence-only sex education!
And finally, while I agree with the main point of the book's last chapter - people have inherent value and shouldn't be shamed due to their sexual experiences or lack thereof - I didn't like the "anything goes" attitude that permeated it. I believe it's completely possible to value people no matter their experiences, while also retaining "traditional" beliefs of saving sex for marriage, or at least for long-term committed relationships.
amandadhernandez's review
3.0
First, some disclosure: I am not a Christian. I ordered this book because I am interested in the dynamics between feminism and the current evangelical church, and since I too, grew up in the "purity movement".
Anderson makes wonderful points and I agree whole-heartedly with her broader statements on sexuality, sexual ethics, consent, and bodily autonomy. My only criticisms is that perhaps since I am not this book's target audience (which I have interpreted as either one struggling to reconcile their sexual self with their faith, or as a teenage Christian), I did not enjoy the read. I read it as a little unorganized; perhaps it would have been easier to keep up with her mental jumps if it were organized essay style. Also, as one would assume, it is written in the style of other Christian "self-help" type books. Some people like that, again, not for me.
Overall, it is an important message being imparted, and I would recommend it for a bit of a younger audience (teens?).
Anderson makes wonderful points and I agree whole-heartedly with her broader statements on sexuality, sexual ethics, consent, and bodily autonomy. My only criticisms is that perhaps since I am not this book's target audience (which I have interpreted as either one struggling to reconcile their sexual self with their faith, or as a teenage Christian), I did not enjoy the read. I read it as a little unorganized; perhaps it would have been easier to keep up with her mental jumps if it were organized essay style. Also, as one would assume, it is written in the style of other Christian "self-help" type books. Some people like that, again, not for me.
Overall, it is an important message being imparted, and I would recommend it for a bit of a younger audience (teens?).
em_kath's review
5.0
THANK GOD FOR YOU DIANNA ANDERSON. DOWN WITH THE PATRIARCHY! DOWN WITH HETEROSEXISM AND TRANS PHOBIA! SMASH PURITY CULTURE!
karibaumann's review
3.0
As someone who lived through the 90s True Love Waits purity culture, I agree with a lot of Anderson has to say in this book. There is a definite need to reframe the discussion around what it means to pursue purity in relationships - it is so much more than kissing dating goodbye or just saying no. I liked how Anderson challenged those ideas head on and offered tangible examples of how purity culture harmed many of us by sending damaging messages. However, I thought the book had a few key weaknesses that diminished my enjoyment of it overall. It's positioned as an alternative to many others (I Kissed Dating Goodbye, Passion and Purity) that are aimed at teenagers, and there were parts that did speak to teenagers, but other parts of it were speaking more to those of us in our 20s and 30s who experienced purity culture. There were also a few parts that I thought were speaking to those of us who work with teenagers. Because of that, it did not feel as cohesive as I would have liked. I also thought that her conclusions, which mirror many of my own conclusions, were not explained as well as they could have been. I wished she had done a little more work on the front end to bring the reader along with her, mostly because I feared that she hadn't done quite enough to convince a skeptical reader (although maybe that wasn't her target audience? That ties in with my earlier confusion about who the book might be for). Finally, I have to say that I had to raise an eyebrow at all of her stories about couples who waited and then had terrible sex. I understand the point she was making, but I felt like that was just as bad as the stories I heard growing up about girls who had sex and then got pregnant and died. Despite her constant refrain that waiting is an okay choice, too, I didn't walk away feeling as if she really believed that. The book was strongest as it talked about rejecting shame, a strong message for all of us. In the end, I would recommend this to youth leaders who are interested in finding other ways to talk to their students about sex and who are thinking about what pitfalls to avoid.
jinnayah's review
3.0
I went into this thinking that this was a more academic book than it is. I was expecting an in-depth study and factual analysis of purity culture, when this is more of a book to criticize the status quo and persuade the reader towards new ways to view sexuality within a religious context without abandoning evangelicalism entirely. I am Christian but not evangelical, so I wasn't the target audience, but I decided to read it anyway to widen my perspectives.
The book brings up some good discussion, but it needs more "crunch", more facts and data and less unsupported opinion. Also, for its evangelical audience, it should include a lot more scripture, more historical context for that scripture, and would do well to draw more on how other faith traditions interpret those scriptures. Some of the authors she criticizes are interpreting scriptures in ways I have never heard, or even in direct opposition to the interpretations I was raised with. For example, I am boggled by how some authors can apparently interpret "It is God’s will… that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust" as meaning that women are responsible for any lust men feel towards them and thus must go to extreme lengths to prevent men from feeling lust.
Overall, I'd say the book was a good start, but was not fleshed out and backed up as much as it should be.
The book brings up some good discussion, but it needs more "crunch", more facts and data and less unsupported opinion. Also, for its evangelical audience, it should include a lot more scripture, more historical context for that scripture, and would do well to draw more on how other faith traditions interpret those scriptures. Some of the authors she criticizes are interpreting scriptures in ways I have never heard, or even in direct opposition to the interpretations I was raised with. For example, I am boggled by how some authors can apparently interpret "It is God’s will… that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust" as meaning that women are responsible for any lust men feel towards them and thus must go to extreme lengths to prevent men from feeling lust.
Overall, I'd say the book was a good start, but was not fleshed out and backed up as much as it should be.
marisas1985's review
4.0
I was excited to read this book because we see so much right now in the media with either being over-sexed or really sheltered. Some of what we see comes from the Duggar family and their purpose to have rules for courtship and even saving their first kiss for marriage.
While that is beautiful and even wonderful and special, many of us have made mistakes or chosen a different path for our lives and that kind of media attention can make one feel shamed for their sexual experiences outside of marriage.
Damaged Goods allowed me to assess my heart as it stands now and forgive myself for the past and be able to move forward without feeling like I am “damaged goods” the way many would point out. I am simply a human being who made human decisions.
Being able to wipe away the shame and know that I am a Christian and I am not alone are wonderful feelings.
The target audience for this book is hard to figure out. It seems aimed at people my age (late 20’s) but also could be given to a teen or someone coming out of a lengthy marriage etc. I am not sure if that is what the author had hoped to achieve or if it was simply a lack of cohesive writing.
Regardless, I believe that people can only benefit from reading about the different beliefs and experiences about sexuality and I hope a lot of people read this book and feel redeemed by it.
While that is beautiful and even wonderful and special, many of us have made mistakes or chosen a different path for our lives and that kind of media attention can make one feel shamed for their sexual experiences outside of marriage.
Damaged Goods allowed me to assess my heart as it stands now and forgive myself for the past and be able to move forward without feeling like I am “damaged goods” the way many would point out. I am simply a human being who made human decisions.
Being able to wipe away the shame and know that I am a Christian and I am not alone are wonderful feelings.
The target audience for this book is hard to figure out. It seems aimed at people my age (late 20’s) but also could be given to a teen or someone coming out of a lengthy marriage etc. I am not sure if that is what the author had hoped to achieve or if it was simply a lack of cohesive writing.
Regardless, I believe that people can only benefit from reading about the different beliefs and experiences about sexuality and I hope a lot of people read this book and feel redeemed by it.
ladyheather10's review
4.0
I agree with other reviewers that this book was a bit disjointed. After leading with scriptural exegesis in one of the early chapters, I expected that to be a focus of the book. It wasn't and that's ok, but I think expanding that part would have appealed to many readers and greatly enhanced the book. Overall, I love Dianna's impassioned writing and I greatly benefited from reading this book. I am no longer religious, but I grew up in an extremely conservative Christian family and read many of the texts she references. Although I didn't learn a great amount of new factual information, I did realize that I still have some work to do with some lasting effects purity culture has had on me. I finally put together that purity culture was complicit in my abuse and that as open-minded as I am, I often still unconsciously judge people based on purity standards that I don't even hold myself to anymore! So, if you're looking for something based entirely on scripture, this book is probably not for you. However, if you're looking for an honest emotional and intellectual exploration of purity culture; if you think that exploring your doubts is key to true faith; if you've wondered why abstince only sex-education doesn't work, read this book.
bookishmaryrose's review
4.0
Helpful and important read on sex ethics and evangelical "purity culture", especially for those who were steeped in it and seek to deconstruct.