Reviews

By Way of Pain by J.M. Dabney

scrollsofdragons's review against another edition

3.0

3.5

myzanm's review against another edition

4.0

Wow, that packed a punch!
Definitely not for the faint of heart.
There is a lot of violence and abuse in this as well as a core of.... sweetness?
I don't really know how to describe this.
My main objection is that the relationship between the two developed a bit too fast. I felt like there should have been more of a struggle on both of their parts about the changes.

hugo19999's review against another edition

3.0

This was all type of abusive relationship, i usually can't tolerate that type of relationship but somehow this book does it for me

reedkaye's review against another edition

5.0

This is the first book I’ve read by this author and the first I’ve read in this series. WOW this just shook me up. I’ve read quite a few kidnapping stories but this one made me stop and think if there are really people like Cowen and Harrison, both having problems in their own way. My original thoughts were that this is really a stockholm syndrome story but as I kept reading it was much more. By the end I was wondering who the captive was and who was really the strong one of the relationship.

ilibra's review against another edition

4.0

This was exactly the kind of DARK story I expected from this book (and the Criminal Delights series in general) and I loved it! It didn't make any excuses, it didn't try to redeem its main characters(s) and that's exactly what I wanted. Cowen is a cold-hearted psychopath who doesn't understand what emotions are until he decides to hold his assistant captive.
My biggest problem is that the story didn't give their main characters enough time to develope. Harrison went from a captive that wanted to escape, to a love-sick puppy pretty much in the blink of an eye. I was looking for more of that slow stockhom syndrome. Another thing that bothered me is Cowen's way of "training" Harrison, using punishments and rewards, was mentioned multiple times, but I could never quite grasp what they were doing exactly and how it had an influence on Harrison. Ijust felt like Cowen was pretty inconsequent with his training. He said Harrison would get punished for misbehaving, and yet the next day he starts Harrison's "training" by whipping him. The rewards were also never quite made clear to me. I guess you can look over that, since Cowen says he can do what he wants, just because he can. But I would have liked to see more consistency.
But, overall, this is a great story if you want something dark, bad and wrong!

explorebooks's review against another edition

4.0

“It is always by way of pain one arrives at pleasure.”

My initial rating of By Way Of Pain upon finishing it was 3.5/5 but after taking the time to think back on the story and what I enjoyed about it while writing my review, I realized I actually enjoyed the story it tells more than I thought I did. For that reason, I’ll be pushing my rating up to 4 Stars, especially because I can’t think of much that I actually disliked about this novel. J.M. Dabney has a talent for handling heavy and dark material incredibly well. Dabney never pushed unrealistic emotions on Cowen or made Harrison fall head over heels for his kidnapper without taking the time to think about how dangerous of a situation he was getting into.

Despite Cowen lacking the ability to feel what we consider basic human emotions, there was a ton of emotion involved in this book, even if it was just Cowen being concerned about how Harrison was feeling and his comfort levels throughout the situations he placed him in. I’ll go into their relationship dynamic in greater detail later in the review as well.

While this novel may just seem like a bunch of kinky smut at first glance, each of the sex scenes has more meaning to them than simply being smutty. Cowen uses their sexual interactions as well as the punishments he makes Harrison endure at his hands to develop Harrison’s trust and submission. He’s also constantly studying Harrison’s emotions and reactions to better understand how human emotions work since he has never had an understanding of them himself.

Spoiler

Main Characters:

Cowen Kingley
Lives a double life as a lawyer by day and assassin by night.

“Do you want to know that I killed my first psychiatrist when I found out he was going to commit me as a danger to society? Maybe when I made my parents disappear. They'd become frightened of me when I was no more than a toddler. I was…broken. I've never felt anything but the need to kill for as long as I can remember. And I remember everything... I've killed hundreds of people. Barely tolerate the human species, but I can't imagine not having you...”

Harrison
Employee of Cowen / Captive of Cowen after being in the wrong place at the wrong time and witnessing one of his murders.

“Part of me hoped that he wanted to keep me—how sick did that make me? I'd started to believe that even within the punishments and humiliation that he cared. He kept me on edge. One minute he hurt me and the next he was gentle. It was as if he were conditioning me for something, but I just didn't know what.”

Likes:

+ Alternating POV allows us to view the situation from both Cowen and Harrison’s perspective. We get an understanding of how Cowen’s mind works as well as why he’s doing this to Harrison while also seeing how Harrison is emotionally handling the situation he’s in and how he begins to trust Cowen and appreciate what he gets out of this unique dynamic with Cowen.

“Why are you doing this to me, sir? I don't know who you are.” “Why, boy, I'm doing it because I can.”

+ I appreciated that the book began with a glance into Cowen’s childhood where his parents forced him to see a Psychiatrist when they began to fear their own child and what he may be capable of. Including this scene allowed the reader to get a deeper understanding of Cowen’s mentality and further proves that Cowen has always been the way he is and that it’s not the result of life experiences or trauma.

+ My favorite portion of this story is towards the end when Dabney begins to focus on Cowen’s second job as a heartless Assassin. After getting sidetracked with his interest in his new “project” aka Harrison, Cowen receives a punishment from his boss for becoming distracted from his work. While Cowen never agreed to take on every job offered his way, his boss expects him to and so when he starts taking on less work to focus on Harrison, his boss decides to teach him a lesson.

Cowen’s boss kidnaps Harrison in an attempt to get an upper hand on Cowen and assert his dominance over him. For obvious reasons, this doesn’t work out so well and leads to Cowen taking action against him; killing all of his men before coming to take back his boy.

+ Cowen is fascinating to me. He lacks emotion as well as an understanding of human emotion. He observes Harrison’s emotions/reactions in hopes of understanding them. Prior to Harrison, killing was the only action that gave Cowen any kind of pleasure. Even tasks as simple and primal as eating, sleeping, and sex seemed pointless to him and gave him no pleasure whatsoever. That is, until Harrison, when he experiences lust and sexual desire for the first time in his life.

+ What I enjoyed most about this story was the psychological look into human emotions, reactions to pain/pleasure, as well as Cowen trying to understand and analyze them because he doesn’t experience them himself.

+ I appreciate that Harrison never expects Cowen to change who he is. He never expects him to stop participating in his side job, to stop killing. He never expects him to express emotions in a “normal” human way or be romantic towards him. He accepts Cowen for who he is and how he is.

“Cowen was possessive, insane, unyielding, and homicidal, but I wouldn't have my crazy assassin any other way.”

+ “We needed some time to rebuild the trust between us that was broken when he was taken from me.” I love how determined Cowen was to rebuild the trust between him and Harrison after he gets taken by his boss’ men. He wants to make sure the anxiety and nightmares Harrison experiences go away, that Harrison feels safe with him again.

+ Their relationship is in no way normal, but it also doesn’t feel right to call it unhealthy once Harrison is willingly consenting and participating in the acts. Their dynamic becomes something both men are comfortable and satisfied with and as abnormal as it may seem to some for Cowen to be punishing and inflicting pain on his boy, it is something Harrison wants and craves, and believes helps him become a stronger more confident version of himself.

+ I adore the scenes where Cowen is caring for Harrison after his punishments / heavy scenes. This just pushes the fact that what they have is healthy and that Cowen isn’t just using Harrison for his own enjoyment.

+ Harrison’s view on his dynamic with Cowen: “I didn't like being in charge—agonizing over every decision, worrying if it was right or wrong. He took that burden from me and as sick as that made me, I was too weak to give it up. I wanted him to keep me.”

“I enjoyed the dichotomy of his viciousness and tenderness, and he always made sure that I was given everything I needed.”

+ I’m grateful Dabney didn’t attempt to create a false “happy ending” for Cowen and Harrison where Cowen suddenly becomes a “normal” boyfriend and is no longer a psycho/sociopath because of his love for Harrison. While the MCs did have a happy ending in their own way, Cowen was never expected to state his love towards Harrison when love is still an emotion he struggles to comprehend. However, he finds a way to show Harrison he belongs with him and that he wishes to keep him for the long term. Harrison understands that this is Cowen’s way of expressing as close to the emotion of “love” as he can, creating a sense of belonging and making Harrison feel confident in their relationship.

This is where I would usually list any dislikes I have about a novel but because I don’t have any intense dislikes about By Way Of Pain, I’m instead going to turn this section into a discussion about Cowen’s diagnosis as a Psychopath.

Is Cowen truly a Psychopath or is he actually a Sociopath?
The one thing I disagree with in this story is Dabney’s diagnosis of Cowen as a psychopath. Cowen could either be categorized as a psychopath or sociopath so let's discuss his traits and which of the two labels I believe he would fall under.

Does he have a conscience? No. He makes this very clear during any description of him killing. He feels no remorse for killing his victims, even his own parents. He never hesitates before a kill. I would say Cowen lacks a conscience for the most part, even when it comes to Harrison. He never feels guilty for how harshly he treats Harrison, especially in the beginning. He may wish to make sure Cowen feels comfortable and cared for, but his lack of guilt for making Harrison do things against his will further proves his lack of conscience.

His lack of conscience does lean towards Psychopath so if we took nothing else into consideration the diagnosis would be accurate. However, a sociopath is normally known to have a weak conscience, they may feel guilt or remorse but it won’t stop their behavior. I feel it’s quite possible Cowen is feeling the smallest bit of guilt/remorse towards Harrison after his punishments and that is why he’s so gentle with him afterwards and cares for him.

I don’t believe a Psychopath would’ve bothered to make Harrison feel comfortable and safe in his submission to him. His interest in Harrison’s safety makes me lean towards a Sociopath label for him.

Both lack empathy, the ability to stand in someone else’s shoes and understand how they feel. But a psychopath has less regard for others, someone with this personality type sees others as objects he can use for his own benefit. So let me ask you, does Cowen truly see Harrison as an object he can use for his own benefit? Maybe in the beginning. But I believe this changes as their dynamic grows and Cowen begins to care about Harrison’s wellbeing. As Harrison states, Cowen could have simply disposed of him or left him for dead after he was kidnapped and found a new plaything. Instead, Cowen not only rescues his boy but also kills 15+ men for being even slightly involved in his kidnapping. His need for revenge and endangerment of himself in order to get Harrison back really pushes the fact that his boy is more than an object to him and that he’s not a replaceable object.

In fact, Cowen even admits to feeling empathy towards Harrison when analyzing his own emotions: “Attachment of any kind was the downfall for a man like me. Didn't Cristo taking Harrison from me prove that it was safer to set him free? The thought pained me. I still felt no remorse or empathy for anyone or anything, except for him.” For this reason, I would once more lean towards a Sociopath label for him because a Psychopath would be incapable of these emotions, even if they were only targeted towards one specific person.

A look into Cowen’s thoughts about Harrison and “love”: “I'd tried to say it so many times, but the words always stuttered on the tip of my tongue. I'd never felt insecure about anything, I'd accepted myself for how I was born, but he made me want to be different for him. The rest of the world didn't matter to me. I didn't care what anyone thought of me except him. I wondered if he felt similarly to me, but he showed me he was mine—that he cared, but he'd yet to confess more in words. It was all in his acts of submission and care. Love was such an odd concept. To feel more for someone than you do for yourself. That you put someone's happiness and comfort ahead of your own. I'd taken him to study the strangeness of humanity. To analyze emotional clues and in doing so, I'd opened myself to something beyond my own embraced depravity. Yes, I caused him pain, but only to teach him, to let him know that I cared about his safety. I fucked him because his actions showed me that he needed my possession. The satisfaction I received from providing for him was almost as fulfilling as owning his body.”

In summary, I would personally label Cowen as a Sociopath instead of a Psychopath but I can see why the author went with the Psychopath label for him. However, I don’t think this story would’ve ever happened or at least not have been categorized as “romance” if Cowen was a Psychopath. He simply wouldn’t have been capable of having enough interest in Harrison in order to develop that type of connection with him.

Overall:

While only 166 Pages, By Way of Pain had so many heavy, emotion filled scenes throughout that built such an interesting dynamic between these two very different characters who ended up fitting each other’s needs perfectly. Dark and heavy stories like this one may not be everyone’s cup of tea but as long as you know what you’re getting into and are aware of any possible triggers that may be involved, I would highly suggest giving this book a chance. If you’re someone interested in psychology, especially sociopaths / “emotionless” characters, then you need to download this book ASAP. J.M Dabney writes a series of Dark M/M romances called Criminal Delights, and By Way of Pain is the 6th book released in this series. Despite being released as a series, they are all mostly standalones that can be read in any order. I have a feeling I’ll be reading more of the Criminal Delights series very soon.

samanatha's review against another edition

5.0

4.5/5

This book is seriously depraved and as the description indicated “not for the faint of heart”. Of all the Criminal Delights books I have read or browsed this one is the most out there. Read the warnings and take them in to consideration. If you decide to read anyway, you will find this a truly well-done tale.
Cowen is believable and gave me flashbacks to Christian Bale in American Psycho. Harrison is adorable and my only critique would have been to smooth his transition from fear to lust a little more. Otherwise this is a strangely disturbing sweet thriller with a side of love.

Available on KU