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okgm's review against another edition
dark
emotional
mysterious
reflective
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
5.0
I finished this book around 3am the other night, and though I knew I had so, so many things to say, I also knew I had to give myself time to marinate in the large emotions that the story provoked. I read the reviews after reading and felt that I was a part of a very niche target audience, as I think many readers went into it with the same expectations: vampire baddie tries and fails to assimilate into humanity, a lot of fangs, a lot of "eating". Though that is not exactly what we got, I think that the story that it ended up being is something that I did not know I needed.
As context, I am biracial black queer person who grew up virtually fatherless and raised by a white almond mother. I also had a pretty viscous vampire era in my late teens, meaning: this book hit all of the marks for me.
The writing is mostly character thought and less plot, and yes: the main character is a vampire, but is that necessarily the point? And is that why the message was missed by a lot of presumably white readers? Claire, the woman she is, questions what it means to colonize a person versus the colonization of a body through the allegory of vampirism. The main character's mother, whose storyline is never shared fully as it is not information that Lydia is aware of, is a Malaysian woman who loses her life during the colonization of her home land and spends the rest of her existence as an "almost" god-fearing woman. Through her longing to be close to humanity she brings herself closer to white femininity, as if the only way to be a human as a woman (vampire) of color is to mirror the white woman in appearance and likability. Her daughter, Lydia, who is born a human and transformed soon after her birth is passed down this self-hatred. She longs to know of her human and half Japanese father whose death goes unexplained (potentially eaten by her mother, another nod towards eating the byproducts of those who once harmed your people/culture), not only to feel closer to her humanity, but also her heritage. They survive off a pig blood alone, as her mother feels that this is what they, as self-believing monsters, deserve to survive off of alone. When Lydia leaves the shackles of her mother's proximity, she feels both a sense of freedom and a self-grappling with all that she has ever been taught: that she is a monstrous thing that does not deserve love, friendship, or to feel fully satisfied in the things that she eats. As she begins to discover the joys of following her dreams, finding friendship, and experiencing attraction for the first time, she is consistently called back and haunted by the voice of self-hatred: a voice that belongs to her mother. Through her journey alone, she is in close proximity of entitled men who seem to claim her as their own--through hungry eyes, unwanted touch, and emotional manipulation. She spends this time in near starvation, hoping that if she resists any blood at all, she could starve this "demonic" presence from her body. In a way, longing to rebirthed as a normal girl who can eat the foods of her culture and know what it truly means to be Malaysian and Japanese. In the end, she finally eats a person who had taken advantage of her through money, power, and claim and is able to experience her culture through his memories of eating the foods of her ancestors. She is manic in these final moments, feeling connected to her mind and body. Knowing that the only way to feel like herself, feel closer to humanity, is to fucking eat.
What a beautiful take on vampires. I had never imagined this perspective, of food being a vital love language of your culture and never being able to experience that. To lack connection to your mother because that level of care is not able to be offered to you. To finally eat your colonizers and feel closer to your people in that reclamation of power. To eat the rich as someone who consistently feels powerless and trapped in the need to make yourself mall in attempts to save those around you from the voice inside you. Eat to feel good, eat to know yourself and others, eat to survive. Eat to be human, fully and lovingly.
As context, I am biracial black queer person who grew up virtually fatherless and raised by a white almond mother. I also had a pretty viscous vampire era in my late teens, meaning: this book hit all of the marks for me.
The writing is mostly character thought and less plot, and yes: the main character is a vampire, but is that necessarily the point? And is that why the message was missed by a lot of presumably white readers? Claire, the woman she is, questions what it means to colonize a person versus the colonization of a body through the allegory of vampirism. The main character's mother, whose storyline is never shared fully as it is not information that Lydia is aware of, is a Malaysian woman who loses her life during the colonization of her home land and spends the rest of her existence as an "almost" god-fearing woman. Through her longing to be close to humanity she brings herself closer to white femininity, as if the only way to be a human as a woman (vampire) of color is to mirror the white woman in appearance and likability. Her daughter, Lydia, who is born a human and transformed soon after her birth is passed down this self-hatred. She longs to know of her human and half Japanese father whose death goes unexplained (potentially eaten by her mother, another nod towards eating the byproducts of those who once harmed your people/culture), not only to feel closer to her humanity, but also her heritage. They survive off a pig blood alone, as her mother feels that this is what they, as self-believing monsters, deserve to survive off of alone. When Lydia leaves the shackles of her mother's proximity, she feels both a sense of freedom and a self-grappling with all that she has ever been taught: that she is a monstrous thing that does not deserve love, friendship, or to feel fully satisfied in the things that she eats. As she begins to discover the joys of following her dreams, finding friendship, and experiencing attraction for the first time, she is consistently called back and haunted by the voice of self-hatred: a voice that belongs to her mother. Through her journey alone, she is in close proximity of entitled men who seem to claim her as their own--through hungry eyes, unwanted touch, and emotional manipulation. She spends this time in near starvation, hoping that if she resists any blood at all, she could starve this "demonic" presence from her body. In a way, longing to rebirthed as a normal girl who can eat the foods of her culture and know what it truly means to be Malaysian and Japanese. In the end, she finally eats a person who had taken advantage of her through money, power, and claim and is able to experience her culture through his memories of eating the foods of her ancestors. She is manic in these final moments, feeling connected to her mind and body. Knowing that the only way to feel like herself, feel closer to humanity, is to fucking eat.
What a beautiful take on vampires. I had never imagined this perspective, of food being a vital love language of your culture and never being able to experience that. To lack connection to your mother because that level of care is not able to be offered to you. To finally eat your colonizers and feel closer to your people in that reclamation of power. To eat the rich as someone who consistently feels powerless and trapped in the need to make yourself mall in attempts to save those around you from the voice inside you. Eat to feel good, eat to know yourself and others, eat to survive. Eat to be human, fully and lovingly.
Content Warnings
Moderate: Death, Eating disorder, Emotional abuse, Misogyny, Blood, and Sexual harassment
askirmishofwit's review against another edition
challenging
dark
funny
tense
slow-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.0
I appreciated what this one did and the fact that, for something so weird, it was also very funny. It's just not for the faint of heart re: body horror and is a pretty depressing read given you're in the head of a starving (physically and emotionally) young woman/vampire as she fights against hunger that she's been told is her human and demon sides fighting to take over from each other. Ultimately, all of it reads like a pretty well-crafted extended metaphor of a character dealing with self-loathing, emotional abuse/manipulation by a parent, sexual harassment, ennui and dissatisfaction, body dysphoria and disordered eating, but wrap it all up in a book seemingly about vampirism that doesn't shy away from some body horror and, frankly, too explicit of a description of a dead duck. But it's just very ~literary fiction~ about the whole thing, IYKWIM.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Animal death, Death, Eating disorder, Gore, Violence, Blood, Murder, and Sexual harassment
Moderate: Body horror, Emotional abuse, Racism, Sexual assault, Death of parent, and Dysphoria
coffeequill's review against another edition
dark
emotional
reflective
sad
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
5.0
Content Warnings
Graphic: Emotional abuse and Blood
Moderate: Animal death, Racism, Sexual assault, Violence, and Injury/Injury detail
Minor: Racial slurs
libellumartinae's review against another edition
challenging
dark
emotional
hopeful
informative
inspiring
sad
tense
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.5
Before going any further with my review I'd like to say that when I started this book, I made a mistake as I don't think that it was appropriate for the period, albeit it was quite comical that I started a book about adulthood after starting my first week of work. Still, this book proved quite too much content heavy for me and I also had my very - high - expectations completely disappointed.
I think it's extremely innovative and interesting the way the author has portrayed vampirism as a metaphor of growing up sheltered and suddenly having to grow up, alongside the whole complex of choosing on which side to land on as the child of immigrated parents; it's definitely a charming idea but I feel like it should have deepened, as so many - important - themes were only brushed superficially. I did enjoy her portrayal of mother-daughter's relationship, but I definitely felt like her whole relationships should have been better deepened (and f*ck you, Ben).
An interesting recount of - suddenly - growing up, that still stayed a bit too dull and unshaped for me!
I think it's extremely innovative and interesting the way the author has portrayed vampirism as a metaphor of growing up sheltered and suddenly having to grow up, alongside the whole complex of choosing on which side to land on as the child of immigrated parents; it's definitely a charming idea but I feel like it should have deepened, as so many - important - themes were only brushed superficially. I did enjoy her portrayal of mother-daughter's relationship, but I definitely felt like her whole relationships should have been better deepened (and f*ck you, Ben).
An interesting recount of - suddenly - growing up, that still stayed a bit too dull and unshaped for me!
Content Warnings
Graphic: Gore, Violence, Blood, and Sexual harassment
Moderate: Child abuse, Emotional abuse, and Sexual content
kittydouglas's review against another edition
dark
emotional
reflective
sad
slow-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.5
Content Warnings
Graphic: Emotional abuse
Moderate: Blood
Minor: Sexual harassment
littki's review against another edition
dark
emotional
mysterious
reflective
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.25
Content Warnings
Graphic: Animal death, Eating disorder, and Blood
Moderate: Emotional abuse, Gore, Infidelity, Rape, Sexual assault, Sexual harassment, and Injury/Injury detail
Minor: Bullying, Cancer, Chronic illness, Death, Infertility, Racial slurs, Self harm, Sexual content, Terminal illness, Vomit, Dementia, Stalking, Suicide attempt, and Death of parent
gzaborski's review against another edition
dark
emotional
reflective
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.25
So true vampire bestie, eating men IS self care.
Honestly this novel did a great job conveying the atypical story of a young vampire coming to terms with her creative spirit, her femininity, her mixed race heritage, and her vampire-human identity.
At times the metaphors presented in this novel felt a bit heavy handed, but overall it was a really fun take on a vampire story and packed a lot of feeling into a 230-page book.
Honestly this novel did a great job conveying the atypical story of a young vampire coming to terms with her creative spirit, her femininity, her mixed race heritage, and her vampire-human identity.
At times the metaphors presented in this novel felt a bit heavy handed, but overall it was a really fun take on a vampire story and packed a lot of feeling into a 230-page book.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Eating disorder, Emotional abuse, and Sexual harassment
Moderate: Sexual assault and Suicidal thoughts
Minor: Racial slurs, Racism, and Death of parent
nicolesbookreviews's review against another edition
challenging
dark
emotional
mysterious
reflective
sad
tense
slow-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.0
Content Warnings
Graphic: Animal death, Death, Blood, and Sexual harassment
Moderate: Animal cruelty, Child death, Emotional abuse, Racism, Self harm, Sexual content, Toxic relationship, Dementia, Death of parent, Murder, and Injury/Injury detail
ninajean's review against another edition
3.75
This book is largely no plot-just vibes, but I still found it so interesting. There were a few parts that were a bit slow paced, yet I still enjoyed it. Lydia is struggling to resist the temptation of her vampire identity while struggling with her self-identity as an artist in her 20’s.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Animal death, Emotional abuse, Blood, and Gaslighting
Moderate: Death, Misogyny, Sexual assault, Suicidal thoughts, and Xenophobia
Minor: Infidelity and Vomit
r_o_s_e's review against another edition
dark
emotional
sad
slow-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.5
Content Warnings
Graphic: Eating disorder, Emotional abuse, Blood, Gaslighting, and Dysphoria
Moderate: Animal death, Death, Grief, Death of parent, Murder, Sexual harassment, and Injury/Injury detail
Minor: Infidelity, Misogyny, and Forced institutionalization