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adangerouscreature's review against another edition
4.0
Great advice. This book has helped me tremendously. I will continue to implement advise from it.
dveater's review against another edition
2.0
Had some concepts that seemed ok but I just couldn’t get through it. I may give it a second shot but for now I had to put it down.
amynbell's review against another edition
3.0
There comes a point in raising a child that you realize that you need help. You don't want your kid throwing a tantrum in the middle of a store, and you need to get out of the house in under 3 hours. So what do you do? You turn to self-help books to help you and the entire world endure the emotionally out-of-control 3-year-old you suddenly have.
I first discovered this author in a parenting blog where someone linked to one of her free YouTube videos. I tried a few of her techniques and found that they were semi-magic. Even if they only worked for the short term, that was enough. Mainly, it gave me some ideas for how to constructively mold my child to be a calmer, happier individual.
This book has some good tips, but, like most self-help types of books, they could have been said in a few bullet points or a chart rather than in a nearly 300-paged book. Of course, a bullet-pointed list wouldn't have made as much money as a book and webinars do.
In the end, it's about respecting each other, offering controlled choices, and not being a tyrant.
Here are my main takeaways from the book for future reference:
1. Set aside at least 10 minutes twice a day to spend with your child, completely focusing on them so that they do get the directed attention that they crave.
2. Quit correcting and directing.
3. Use a calm voice (think Mr. Rogers).
4. Offer choices within your requirements for your child so that the child feels like they have some level of control (such as that the child must brush their teeth, but they can choose which toothbrush and toothpaste they'd like to use).
5. Use when/then statements ("When you finish picking up your toys, then we'll go to the park").
6. Everyone in the household should contribute to the household. Even small children need things to help with doing.
7. Have consistent routines so that the child knows what to expect.
8. Use immediate and consistent punishments which fit the crime (the child runs away and doesn't stop when called, so you leave the park immediately)
9. Allow natural and logical consequences so that the child learns from mistakes (the child doesn't rinse their hands and then finds themselves with a mouth full of soap when they eat)
10. Ask the child to repeat to you what the punishment will be if they do X.
11. Use either/or consequences (either you eat your peas or you get no dessert)
12. Tell your child what you won't pay attention to (whining while you're cooking), ignore any such actions, and train appropriate behavior (talk to me in a normal voice and either help me or play quietly beside me while I cook).
13. Schedule your 15 minutes of time with your child right before you need to get something done so that the child has their attention meter filled. Also, tell them that you won't be paying attention to them during the time you need to get something done but what they can do during that time.
14. Invite cooperation (ask them to help you clean).
15. Walk away from tantrums.
16. Say I feel ... when you ..., and I wish you would ...
17. Teach a child to not always need external compliments but to be proud of their own accomplishments ("You must have felt so happy when you finally pottied by yourself.")
There's quite a lot here that involves respecting your child and teaching your child to respect themselves as well as to respect you.
The author wants you to believe that your child will magically act as they should if you follow all these rules. But it's not magic. One day a when/then statement will work, and another day it may not.
However, acting calmly and respectfully goes a long way toward having a calm and happy child ... and being a calm and happy parent.
I first discovered this author in a parenting blog where someone linked to one of her free YouTube videos. I tried a few of her techniques and found that they were semi-magic. Even if they only worked for the short term, that was enough. Mainly, it gave me some ideas for how to constructively mold my child to be a calmer, happier individual.
This book has some good tips, but, like most self-help types of books, they could have been said in a few bullet points or a chart rather than in a nearly 300-paged book. Of course, a bullet-pointed list wouldn't have made as much money as a book and webinars do.
In the end, it's about respecting each other, offering controlled choices, and not being a tyrant.
Here are my main takeaways from the book for future reference:
1. Set aside at least 10 minutes twice a day to spend with your child, completely focusing on them so that they do get the directed attention that they crave.
2. Quit correcting and directing.
3. Use a calm voice (think Mr. Rogers).
4. Offer choices within your requirements for your child so that the child feels like they have some level of control (such as that the child must brush their teeth, but they can choose which toothbrush and toothpaste they'd like to use).
5. Use when/then statements ("When you finish picking up your toys, then we'll go to the park").
6. Everyone in the household should contribute to the household. Even small children need things to help with doing.
7. Have consistent routines so that the child knows what to expect.
8. Use immediate and consistent punishments which fit the crime (the child runs away and doesn't stop when called, so you leave the park immediately)
9. Allow natural and logical consequences so that the child learns from mistakes (the child doesn't rinse their hands and then finds themselves with a mouth full of soap when they eat)
10. Ask the child to repeat to you what the punishment will be if they do X.
11. Use either/or consequences (either you eat your peas or you get no dessert)
12. Tell your child what you won't pay attention to (whining while you're cooking), ignore any such actions, and train appropriate behavior (talk to me in a normal voice and either help me or play quietly beside me while I cook).
13. Schedule your 15 minutes of time with your child right before you need to get something done so that the child has their attention meter filled. Also, tell them that you won't be paying attention to them during the time you need to get something done but what they can do during that time.
14. Invite cooperation (ask them to help you clean).
15. Walk away from tantrums.
16. Say I feel ... when you ..., and I wish you would ...
17. Teach a child to not always need external compliments but to be proud of their own accomplishments ("You must have felt so happy when you finally pottied by yourself.")
There's quite a lot here that involves respecting your child and teaching your child to respect themselves as well as to respect you.
The author wants you to believe that your child will magically act as they should if you follow all these rules. But it's not magic. One day a when/then statement will work, and another day it may not.
However, acting calmly and respectfully goes a long way toward having a calm and happy child ... and being a calm and happy parent.
lizmir's review against another edition
4.0
Helpful overall points on parenting for kids of all ages. The points made a lot of sense for me even if it was just a reminder for me to not let the conflicts control me.
tyardley's review against another edition
4.0
At a point in our lives (three weeks ago) when my husband and I were just about to lose our shit over power struggles with our 3-1/3 year old, we found this book. Has it been a perfect solution to our issues? No. Has it helped in providing us tools to communicate more effectively with our daughter and diffuse volatile situations? Yes. Yes. Yes.
We aren't in a parenting paradise by any means but we are much better off than we were before. We read this along with a book by a different author and sort of combined all the tools and focus on what our daughter responds to best.
I still yell sometimes.
We aren't in a parenting paradise by any means but we are much better off than we were before. We read this along with a book by a different author and sort of combined all the tools and focus on what our daughter responds to best.
I still yell sometimes.
lambchops814's review against another edition
5.0
Read this as part of a mom book club. The strategies in here are easy to implement and great ways to manage and enjoy rather than discipline and yell at your kids. Broken down into tangible tools this was an excellent read
caremary624's review against another edition
4.0
A must read parenting book —- if only I knew how to convince my husband to crack it open
calittle14's review against another edition
5.0
Last time, I read it fast, so I wanted to read it again.
2nd reading: this is a great book and can help you at any stage.
2nd reading: this is a great book and can help you at any stage.