amarylissw's review against another edition
3.0
The thing I loved most about this book was how incredibly realistic it was. The characters show their good and bad sides, become likeable and unlikeable — they're so real.
lumos_libros's review against another edition
4.0
I can almost guarantee that everybody knows somebody who has had cancer, whether it is you, a friend, neighbor, coworker, relative, etc. I think most people have seen someone go through this. I'm surprised actually of how little young-adult literature deals with this issue, but here Gurtler attacks it head on and gives a realistic portrayal of a family dealing with cancer.
Tess is not like her older sister, not even a smidge. She's artistic, nerdy, and not anywhere near to even be a blip in the social radar. Kristina on the other hand is popular, well-liked, and a star on the volleyball team. She's a senior in high school with a promising future, and she is basically on top of the world. All that comes to a screeching halt when Kristina gets checked out for a chronic pain in her knee, it turns out to be the worst case scenario, cancer.
The author really does an excellent job of capturing how cancer not only affects the person who has it, but the family has cancer to. The best and worst come out in people, and everybody reacts differently. I'd have to say that Tess's family isn't the most exemplary example. There are families who deal with it worse but also much better. The book is told through Tess's point of view, and I'm glad it was. You see her struggle with being a good sister and still wanting her own life not to spin out of control too. She still wants things, but at the same time tries to be the strong one in her family. Tess has a lot of the reactions people normally have. At first she can't believe it's true, that it can be that bad. Then comes the anxiety of what should be done and what can she do? How do you talk to someone who thinks they may be dying? Whose whole life has changed? It's beyond hard, it's almost impossible to know what to do.
This isn't a necessarily an easy book to read. You get mad at the characters and how each of them reacts to Kristina. And you want things to turn out right, but that's not how life is like. It's messy and we all are only human. It's weird but not how Tess herself goes through a transformation because of this. Things she once thought she was sure of and thought were important, become so trivial. She becomes more out-spoken, stronger, and learns who has her back and who doesn't.
All the characters are well fleshed out and bring something to the story. It was just so spot on, the only reason why I knocked off a star was because I would have liked to seen more of Kristina. There is a lot of Kristina in the story obviously, but I would have liked to understand her a little bit better.
As you can tell I'm doing a terrible of job of conveying how much I thought the book told a true story that is being a played throughout so many homes. I can personally attest that this felt real, sad but real.
Tess is not like her older sister, not even a smidge. She's artistic, nerdy, and not anywhere near to even be a blip in the social radar. Kristina on the other hand is popular, well-liked, and a star on the volleyball team. She's a senior in high school with a promising future, and she is basically on top of the world. All that comes to a screeching halt when Kristina gets checked out for a chronic pain in her knee, it turns out to be the worst case scenario, cancer.
The author really does an excellent job of capturing how cancer not only affects the person who has it, but the family has cancer to. The best and worst come out in people, and everybody reacts differently. I'd have to say that Tess's family isn't the most exemplary example. There are families who deal with it worse but also much better. The book is told through Tess's point of view, and I'm glad it was. You see her struggle with being a good sister and still wanting her own life not to spin out of control too. She still wants things, but at the same time tries to be the strong one in her family. Tess has a lot of the reactions people normally have. At first she can't believe it's true, that it can be that bad. Then comes the anxiety of what should be done and what can she do? How do you talk to someone who thinks they may be dying? Whose whole life has changed? It's beyond hard, it's almost impossible to know what to do.
This isn't a necessarily an easy book to read. You get mad at the characters and how each of them reacts to Kristina. And you want things to turn out right, but that's not how life is like. It's messy and we all are only human. It's weird but not how Tess herself goes through a transformation because of this. Things she once thought she was sure of and thought were important, become so trivial. She becomes more out-spoken, stronger, and learns who has her back and who doesn't.
All the characters are well fleshed out and bring something to the story. It was just so spot on, the only reason why I knocked off a star was because I would have liked to seen more of Kristina. There is a lot of Kristina in the story obviously, but I would have liked to understand her a little bit better.
As you can tell I'm doing a terrible of job of conveying how much I thought the book told a true story that is being a played throughout so many homes. I can personally attest that this felt real, sad but real.
pikasqueaks's review against another edition
3.0
I was initially disappointed with going back to read the book that came before Gurtler's latest because I knew the reviews I'd read didn't give such stellar feedback. But what do other reviewers know, anyway?
Unfortunately, this book (and the story itself) suffered from that thing that drives me crazy: cancer. I've gone on and on about the cancer before (to sum it up: snooze, I get it, everyone knows a person who died or survived, it's no longer as unique or special or individualized a battle as the tacky Facebook shared posts would have us believe), so I'm going to talk a bit about why I'M NOT HER stood out, instead. It's something you see a lot in YA books about sisters: the beauty/brains dichotomy.
There's the pretty sister and the smart sister. There's resentment from the smart sister, who is apparently not just smart, but socially isolated because her older sister's a flawless beautiful athletic superhuman goddess who counts calories and has a bright future in volleyball. There's obvious favoritism from the parents, who choose to ignore Tess and her interests for the most part, and let her older sister's bright future take over.
But it's such a straight dichotomy in the book. Not just in the way the characters are, but in the way everyone regards it and how it's presented. Tess isn't just a little resentful of her older sister's beauty and social standing, she regards it as being shallow -- like a person can't possible have both.
She's not the only one who puts it that way. Several characters draw that dichotomy out further, but sometimes in different ways. Sometimes Tess is the good one because she's "got something else" and that something else is intelligence.
Kristina laments the fact that she's hideous because she's got cancer and no one would want to flirt with her because of it, but when things get serious with her cancer treatment, the sisters have an eye-opening exchange that drives it all home. Kristina asks Tess is she likes being smart, and Tess says yes. Kristina tells her sister that she like(d) being beautiful.
And it almost redeemed everything else in the book for me, because that's a powerful line. These people in Kristina's life, Tess included, sometimes don't recognize that for some people, beauty is important. It might not be everything, but it's a huge deal. Some people spend immense time cultivating their bodies and their faces, learning how to apply the best makeup in the most flattering ways, counting calories and staying fit. And not every time does that get recognized as being worthwhile, because for years we've all been telling each other that beauty's only skin deep and it's what's on the inside that counts.
But it's not always. Guys, can we be real? Appearance matters. I think this book does a great job of working to remind people that appearance is important. It's not awful and it doesn't have to be terribly shallow for someone to be into how they look and try to look their best.
It's okay to love your face. We should all try to do that more often.
And even Tess realizes, as she's trying on some jeans that make her ass look great, that it's possible to have both. But that gets ripped away by her melodramatic mother, and what could have been a great plot point never really gets revisited. Tess' time in the spotlight fades as things get more serious with her sister -- and though I would have liked to see this girl come into her own and harvest her power, she only draws deeper into who she always was.
Unfortunately, this book (and the story itself) suffered from that thing that drives me crazy: cancer. I've gone on and on about the cancer before (to sum it up: snooze, I get it, everyone knows a person who died or survived, it's no longer as unique or special or individualized a battle as the tacky Facebook shared posts would have us believe), so I'm going to talk a bit about why I'M NOT HER stood out, instead. It's something you see a lot in YA books about sisters: the beauty/brains dichotomy.
There's the pretty sister and the smart sister. There's resentment from the smart sister, who is apparently not just smart, but socially isolated because her older sister's a flawless beautiful athletic superhuman goddess who counts calories and has a bright future in volleyball. There's obvious favoritism from the parents, who choose to ignore Tess and her interests for the most part, and let her older sister's bright future take over.
But it's such a straight dichotomy in the book. Not just in the way the characters are, but in the way everyone regards it and how it's presented. Tess isn't just a little resentful of her older sister's beauty and social standing, she regards it as being shallow -- like a person can't possible have both.
She's not the only one who puts it that way. Several characters draw that dichotomy out further, but sometimes in different ways. Sometimes Tess is the good one because she's "got something else" and that something else is intelligence.
Kristina laments the fact that she's hideous because she's got cancer and no one would want to flirt with her because of it, but when things get serious with her cancer treatment, the sisters have an eye-opening exchange that drives it all home. Kristina asks Tess is she likes being smart, and Tess says yes. Kristina tells her sister that she like(d) being beautiful.
And it almost redeemed everything else in the book for me, because that's a powerful line. These people in Kristina's life, Tess included, sometimes don't recognize that for some people, beauty is important. It might not be everything, but it's a huge deal. Some people spend immense time cultivating their bodies and their faces, learning how to apply the best makeup in the most flattering ways, counting calories and staying fit. And not every time does that get recognized as being worthwhile, because for years we've all been telling each other that beauty's only skin deep and it's what's on the inside that counts.
But it's not always. Guys, can we be real? Appearance matters. I think this book does a great job of working to remind people that appearance is important. It's not awful and it doesn't have to be terribly shallow for someone to be into how they look and try to look their best.
It's okay to love your face. We should all try to do that more often.
And even Tess realizes, as she's trying on some jeans that make her ass look great, that it's possible to have both. But that gets ripped away by her melodramatic mother, and what could have been a great plot point never really gets revisited. Tess' time in the spotlight fades as things get more serious with her sister -- and though I would have liked to see this girl come into her own and harvest her power, she only draws deeper into who she always was.
madamelibrarian's review against another edition
4.0
A very good book about a cancer diagnosis and how it affects an entire family. The guilt, blame, sorrow were all there along with the family dynamics one might expect. Just be prepared to stay up late with a box of Kleenex by your side!
danicapage's review against another edition
4.0
My Rating: 4 out of 5 stars.
My Overall Thoughts/Impressions: I didn't really know what to expect of this book going into it. It was on my to-read list and I saw it was at the library and so I decided to read it. Only after I read it did I realize that nearly all of my friends have read and loved it.
I'm no exception. I was hesitant to read this book because it's a cancer book. Since I've had family members with this disease, they always hit hard. But I'm glad I read it. I loved it.
Tess's sister Kristina is perfect—she's the athletic one, the popular one, the one boys flock over, and the one her parents love. Tess has always felt like she's been in Kristina's shadows and she's always envied her sister. Then Kristina gets cancer.
Kristina and her family refuse to tell anybody and Tess finds herself having to deal with all of Kristina's friends asking her where she is. Suddenly people are noticing her. And then when the word gets out, people suddenly want Tess to give them updates. She's no longer in the shadows, but her family is breaking apart. Her dad and her mom aren't dealing and suddenly Tess is the only one dealing.
She must deal with all her parents. She must deal with the fact that her dreams no longer matter. Her grades don't matter. She's not complaining. Kristina is more important, but couldn't somebody at least acknowledge her sacrifice. And then there are the boys who suddenly are entering her life. How is she supposed to deal with them.
I loved this book. It was heartbreaking, but so realistic. I think all of us have felt like Tess at one point. There's the Kristina who we want to be, the one with the perfect life and then we realize his or her life is actually not perfect.
I thought Tess's parents were jerks. There are so many ways to deal with a child having cancer. I've seen that firsthand. And yet Tess's parents just didn't deal. They were such jerks to Tess. They ridiculed her dreams and her. I hated that. Parents are supposed to build up not tear down.
But that's the power of this novel. It made me feel so deeply. I was sucked into this story from page one until the last page. It's a poignant read. It's not a tear-jerker. So often books about cancer feel like they were written simply to make you cry. This one was about cancer, but it was about so much more. It was about Tess, who did not have cancer. It was about Tess finding the strength to stand on her own. It was about Tess learning about what really makes a friend. It was about being okay with who you are.
I loved this book and the power behind it. I'll definitely be reading more by this author.
In Summary: Gurtler has created a book that held me captivated. This is a book that will stick with me long after I turned the last page. A powerful, poignant, beautiful read.
The Wrap-up: I loved this book. It was such a powerful one. I'd definitely recommend it to all teens. The teenage years are rough and we all struggle with the issues Tess faced. A powerful book that I would definitely give as a gift. Read this one. It's realistic contemporary at its best.
Love,
Danica Page
Up Next: Incarnate by Jodi Meadows
My Overall Thoughts/Impressions: I didn't really know what to expect of this book going into it. It was on my to-read list and I saw it was at the library and so I decided to read it. Only after I read it did I realize that nearly all of my friends have read and loved it.
I'm no exception. I was hesitant to read this book because it's a cancer book. Since I've had family members with this disease, they always hit hard. But I'm glad I read it. I loved it.
Tess's sister Kristina is perfect—she's the athletic one, the popular one, the one boys flock over, and the one her parents love. Tess has always felt like she's been in Kristina's shadows and she's always envied her sister. Then Kristina gets cancer.
Kristina and her family refuse to tell anybody and Tess finds herself having to deal with all of Kristina's friends asking her where she is. Suddenly people are noticing her. And then when the word gets out, people suddenly want Tess to give them updates. She's no longer in the shadows, but her family is breaking apart. Her dad and her mom aren't dealing and suddenly Tess is the only one dealing.
She must deal with all her parents. She must deal with the fact that her dreams no longer matter. Her grades don't matter. She's not complaining. Kristina is more important, but couldn't somebody at least acknowledge her sacrifice. And then there are the boys who suddenly are entering her life. How is she supposed to deal with them.
I loved this book. It was heartbreaking, but so realistic. I think all of us have felt like Tess at one point. There's the Kristina who we want to be, the one with the perfect life and then we realize his or her life is actually not perfect.
I thought Tess's parents were jerks. There are so many ways to deal with a child having cancer. I've seen that firsthand. And yet Tess's parents just didn't deal. They were such jerks to Tess. They ridiculed her dreams and her. I hated that. Parents are supposed to build up not tear down.
But that's the power of this novel. It made me feel so deeply. I was sucked into this story from page one until the last page. It's a poignant read. It's not a tear-jerker. So often books about cancer feel like they were written simply to make you cry. This one was about cancer, but it was about so much more. It was about Tess, who did not have cancer. It was about Tess finding the strength to stand on her own. It was about Tess learning about what really makes a friend. It was about being okay with who you are.
I loved this book and the power behind it. I'll definitely be reading more by this author.
In Summary: Gurtler has created a book that held me captivated. This is a book that will stick with me long after I turned the last page. A powerful, poignant, beautiful read.
The Wrap-up: I loved this book. It was such a powerful one. I'd definitely recommend it to all teens. The teenage years are rough and we all struggle with the issues Tess faced. A powerful book that I would definitely give as a gift. Read this one. It's realistic contemporary at its best.
Love,
Danica Page
Up Next: Incarnate by Jodi Meadows
lazygal's review against another edition
4.0
Tess has a big problem: she's a nobody compared to her Perfect Sister, Kristina. Because of this, her grades and love of art go virtually unnoticed by her mother, while her father is rather a nonentity in the home. Then Kristina learns she doesn't have a sports injury, she has a tumor, osteosarcoma - cancer. And the family falls apart.
Despite having read other books like this recently, I thought Tess' voice sounded authentic (the parents were, sadly, far more stereotypical). Kristina's actions/reactions to her cancer and treatments also sounded authentic, but more anger might have been even more realistic. I particularly liked the arc of Tess' relationships with Clark, Jeremy and Nick, which reminded me of so many of my and my friends relationships with boys when we were in high school.
Copy provided by publisher.
Despite having read other books like this recently, I thought Tess' voice sounded authentic (the parents were, sadly, far more stereotypical). Kristina's actions/reactions to her cancer and treatments also sounded authentic, but more anger might have been even more realistic. I particularly liked the arc of Tess' relationships with Clark, Jeremy and Nick, which reminded me of so many of my and my friends relationships with boys when we were in high school.
Copy provided by publisher.
bellatora's review against another edition
2.0
Tess is the younger, smarter, less popular sister. Kristina is a sports star and the most popular girl in school – then she gets cancer and no one can deal with it appropriately. Tess is supposed to be the saintly “strong one” but she is mostly an idiot. She’s justifiably mad at her parents, because her dad reacts by spending all his time at work (and maybe having an affair? That is just kind of an accusation thrown in and not fleshed out) & her mom deals by drinking, shopping, and still pretending that everything is perfect.
Kristina deals with having cancer by almost completely isolating herself and giving up all her activities to spend her time moping in her room. I like how everyone in the family is like, “yeah, it’s perfectly fine for our daughter to refuse to see all her friends and to become a deeply unhappy hermit. I’m not going to do anything about that.”
Kristina believes no one will like her now because of cancer, but she won’t even let them try! Not even Tess! Tess should’ve been like, “this is bullshit, they’re your friends, and you need them.” But, nope.
Tess kind of gets a reflected popularity from her sister’s cancer, but it really seems more like everyone is trying to show their support of Kristina through talking to Tess.
Tess is kind of awful – she’s supposed to be funny and smart, but I never see any evidence of that. And before the book started she only had one friend, and their main shared activity was making fun of pre-cancer Kristina. And then Tess wakes up one day and decides her friend is a terrible, selfish, unlikeable person and that’s it. And maybe she is? Or maybe it's really because Tess now has other people to hang out with? Tess' dumping of her best friend is not even portrayed as this wrenching, emotional thing. Usually there is a LOT MORE ANGST when you break up with your only friend. For Tess it was like, “oh, ew, Melissa is awful. God, why am I her friend? Whatevs, I’ve got several cute boys I talk to instead now, la!” Way to have loyalty, Tess.
And near the end of the book, Kristina’s only friend she actually talks to (Jeremy, because his mom has breast cancer). KABAM! I was not even sad I was just like, “you’ve got to be fucking kidding me. This is the most ridiculous shit ever.” Whatever, book.
This is a really hard topic, not very well done.
Kristina deals with having cancer by almost completely isolating herself and giving up all her activities to spend her time moping in her room. I like how everyone in the family is like, “yeah, it’s perfectly fine for our daughter to refuse to see all her friends and to become a deeply unhappy hermit. I’m not going to do anything about that.”
Kristina believes no one will like her now because of cancer, but she won’t even let them try! Not even Tess! Tess should’ve been like, “this is bullshit, they’re your friends, and you need them.” But, nope.
Tess kind of gets a reflected popularity from her sister’s cancer, but it really seems more like everyone is trying to show their support of Kristina through talking to Tess.
Tess is kind of awful – she’s supposed to be funny and smart, but I never see any evidence of that. And before the book started she only had one friend, and their main shared activity was making fun of pre-cancer Kristina. And then Tess wakes up one day and decides her friend is a terrible, selfish, unlikeable person and that’s it. And maybe she is? Or maybe it's really because Tess now has other people to hang out with? Tess' dumping of her best friend is not even portrayed as this wrenching, emotional thing. Usually there is a LOT MORE ANGST when you break up with your only friend. For Tess it was like, “oh, ew, Melissa is awful. God, why am I her friend? Whatevs, I’ve got several cute boys I talk to instead now, la!” Way to have loyalty, Tess.
And near the end of the book, Kristina’s only friend she actually talks to (Jeremy, because his mom has breast cancer)
Spoiler
dies in a car accidentThis is a really hard topic, not very well done.
thereadingknitter's review
3.0
“For the first time in my life, I didn’t feel envy…”
Tess is the exact opposite of her beautiful, athletic sister. And that’s okay. Kristina is the sporty one, Tess is the smart one, and they each have their place. Until Kristina is diagnosed with cancer. Suddenly Tess is the center of the popular crowd, everyone eager for updates. There are senior boys flirting with her. Yet the smiles of her picture-perfect family are cracking and her sister could be dying. Now Tess has to fill a new role: the strong one. Because if she doesn’t hold it together, who will?
My Review - This book started out a bit slow for me but then it picked up. The twist and turn in it were shocking at times. The ending left me wondering a bit which makes me wonder if another book is coming. If another book does come I'll be reading it. Overall this book was pretty good.
Tess is the exact opposite of her beautiful, athletic sister. And that’s okay. Kristina is the sporty one, Tess is the smart one, and they each have their place. Until Kristina is diagnosed with cancer. Suddenly Tess is the center of the popular crowd, everyone eager for updates. There are senior boys flirting with her. Yet the smiles of her picture-perfect family are cracking and her sister could be dying. Now Tess has to fill a new role: the strong one. Because if she doesn’t hold it together, who will?
My Review - This book started out a bit slow for me but then it picked up. The twist and turn in it were shocking at times. The ending left me wondering a bit which makes me wonder if another book is coming. If another book does come I'll be reading it. Overall this book was pretty good.
drey72's review against another edition
4.0
drey’s thoughts:
Janet Gurtler’s I’m Not Her is a moving story about a fifteen-year-old dealing with her older sister’s cancer. And if dealing with a life-changing (and potentially life-threatening) illness isn’t enough, Tess also has to deal with her parents acting like completely delusional dorks about it. (I totally understand that they were having a hard time with the diagnosis; however in my eyes it doesn’t excuse their leaving everything in the hands of a fifteen-year-old because they “couldn’t handle it”–they’re the adults.)
And then there’s school. School, where every one of Kristina’s friends keep asking Tess where Kristina is and why she isn’t in school (delusional parents didn’t want anyone to know). School, where Tess has to skip class to accompany her mother to the hospital for Kristina’s treatments (again, without being able to tell why). School, where Tess is now noticed (see above); and the other kids are making up stories about her and Kristina because they aren’t getting any information. Not easy for a freshman to deal with, that’s for sure.
I liked Janet’s portrayal of Tess. She’s resentful of all the negatives affecting her, and feels guilty for that resentment. She wants her life to stay the way it was, but she knows it’s most likely temporary, whereas her sister’s life is irrevocably changed. There’s nowhere for her to go with this, without feeling like she’s selfish. This is YA drama and angst as it should be.
drey’s rating: Excellent!
Janet Gurtler’s I’m Not Her is a moving story about a fifteen-year-old dealing with her older sister’s cancer. And if dealing with a life-changing (and potentially life-threatening) illness isn’t enough, Tess also has to deal with her parents acting like completely delusional dorks about it. (I totally understand that they were having a hard time with the diagnosis; however in my eyes it doesn’t excuse their leaving everything in the hands of a fifteen-year-old because they “couldn’t handle it”–they’re the adults.)
And then there’s school. School, where every one of Kristina’s friends keep asking Tess where Kristina is and why she isn’t in school (delusional parents didn’t want anyone to know). School, where Tess has to skip class to accompany her mother to the hospital for Kristina’s treatments (again, without being able to tell why). School, where Tess is now noticed (see above); and the other kids are making up stories about her and Kristina because they aren’t getting any information. Not easy for a freshman to deal with, that’s for sure.
I liked Janet’s portrayal of Tess. She’s resentful of all the negatives affecting her, and feels guilty for that resentment. She wants her life to stay the way it was, but she knows it’s most likely temporary, whereas her sister’s life is irrevocably changed. There’s nowhere for her to go with this, without feeling like she’s selfish. This is YA drama and angst as it should be.
drey’s rating: Excellent!
heykellyjensen's review against another edition
2.0
2.5.
The writing is good, and while the story felt fresh (despite the fact it was a story about cancer ripping apart a family), it did get a little over the top with some of the other events that unraveled. I didn't think the art aspect of the story played out quite enough. I wanted more from Tess as a character, and I could have used a tad more "before" to get to know Tess and Kristina better.
It didn't tug at my emotions like it could have and actually, I'm kind of glad it didn't. I appreciated it being an honest story without being too steeped in sadness.
The book's set up is one I'm getting a little weary of, starting the story with a big climactic scene to come and then repeating it later on. If there's not a prologue, just start the story. I'd rather have that page or two to develop Tess's character before the diagnosis so I could see a real growth in her at the end.
The writing is good, and while the story felt fresh (despite the fact it was a story about cancer ripping apart a family), it did get a little over the top with some of the other events that unraveled. I didn't think the art aspect of the story played out quite enough. I wanted more from Tess as a character, and I could have used a tad more "before" to get to know Tess and Kristina better.
It didn't tug at my emotions like it could have and actually, I'm kind of glad it didn't. I appreciated it being an honest story without being too steeped in sadness.
The book's set up is one I'm getting a little weary of, starting the story with a big climactic scene to come and then repeating it later on. If there's not a prologue, just start the story. I'd rather have that page or two to develop Tess's character before the diagnosis so I could see a real growth in her at the end.