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siobhanward's review
challenging
informative
medium-paced
4.0
NYT Notable Books 2020: 15/100
This was a wonderful and heartbreaking read. Crawford is so open and honest about her experience and it's harder to read knowing that there are many others in her situation, whether at St. Paul's or within other institutions. As I read, I couldn't believe what I was reading. Obviously I've known of cover up scandals, but for a school to be so blatant about their actions shocked me. I'm glad Crawford has shared her story so openly, and that hopefully this kind of work will help protect others down the road.
This was a wonderful and heartbreaking read. Crawford is so open and honest about her experience and it's harder to read knowing that there are many others in her situation, whether at St. Paul's or within other institutions. As I read, I couldn't believe what I was reading. Obviously I've known of cover up scandals, but for a school to be so blatant about their actions shocked me. I'm glad Crawford has shared her story so openly, and that hopefully this kind of work will help protect others down the road.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Rape, Sexual assault, Sexual violence, and Sexual harassment
Moderate: Sexual content and Injury/Injury detail
siobhan_shamlian's review against another edition
5.0
This book was brave and powerful. About how the power institutions have to silence and the strength it takes to speak out against them
leslico's review
5.0
Heartbreaking and real, this book was so difficult to read but very worthwhile. Thank you so much for sharing your story.
skmiles's review
3.0
A powerful exploration on the violence of assault and the trauma that comes from it's being denied. Moreover, a critical reflection on the world of class, wealth and status and how the fear of loss makes people be astonishingly cruel (and generous).
lesserjoke's review
4.0
[CW: sexual assault.]
Author Lacy Crawford's first nonfiction title offers powerful testimony on the way she was treated as an underage girl at a prestigious boarding school in the 1990s: lured to an upperclassman's room, brutally assaulted by him and another senior, shamed into keeping it quiet, and maligned by an administration that refused to take her eventual report seriously and hold either itself or the attackers accountable. Her tale is distressingly familiar -- even at the same academy, further covered-up rapes from students and faculty have since been revealed -- and the writer's afterword directly identifies her experience with that of Christine Blasey Ford, who famously accused then-Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh of assaulting her as a teen only to see him confirmed to the bench regardless.
There's no need to relitigate the various arguments put forth in 2018 to attempt to discredit Dr. Ford, but that context is crucial for understanding why Crawford hasn't previously spoken out publicly about her abuse and why even in this memoir, she uses pseudonyms for her classmates. Despite the widespread #MeToo movement of people sharing their stories and the exhortations to believe women and other victims when they come forward like that, our culture is full of patriarchal contrarians looking to poke holes, as though trauma responses can be expected to function logically, memory for smaller details is perfect, and crimes always leave clear evidence behind.
Perhaps to get ahead of those critiques, the author admits she is not a flawless survivor. She had been sexually active before that night. She foolishly put herself into the situation. She didn't struggle enough or call out for help. She didn't tell anyone what had happened right away. She wondered if she had somehow been 'asking for it.' Hopefully, however, any reader can see through these early protestations to detect where true culpability lies, as she herself now can.
Accounts like this one are so important, both as part of a lengthy healing process for the teller and to shine a light on the institutions which continue to enable privileged young men in particular to act on their entitlement in horrifying ways without feeling the consequences. Lacy Crawford writes evocatively of her high school years and the long shadow that fell over them, and although it can be hard to face her raw pain head-on, I hope it acts as a deterrence for future silencings and the cruelty they hide.
[Content warning for racism, gun violence, and domestic abuse.]
Find me on Patreon | Goodreads | Blog | Twitter
Author Lacy Crawford's first nonfiction title offers powerful testimony on the way she was treated as an underage girl at a prestigious boarding school in the 1990s: lured to an upperclassman's room, brutally assaulted by him and another senior, shamed into keeping it quiet, and maligned by an administration that refused to take her eventual report seriously and hold either itself or the attackers accountable. Her tale is distressingly familiar -- even at the same academy, further covered-up rapes from students and faculty have since been revealed -- and the writer's afterword directly identifies her experience with that of Christine Blasey Ford, who famously accused then-Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh of assaulting her as a teen only to see him confirmed to the bench regardless.
There's no need to relitigate the various arguments put forth in 2018 to attempt to discredit Dr. Ford, but that context is crucial for understanding why Crawford hasn't previously spoken out publicly about her abuse and why even in this memoir, she uses pseudonyms for her classmates. Despite the widespread #MeToo movement of people sharing their stories and the exhortations to believe women and other victims when they come forward like that, our culture is full of patriarchal contrarians looking to poke holes, as though trauma responses can be expected to function logically, memory for smaller details is perfect, and crimes always leave clear evidence behind.
Perhaps to get ahead of those critiques, the author admits she is not a flawless survivor. She had been sexually active before that night. She foolishly put herself into the situation. She didn't struggle enough or call out for help. She didn't tell anyone what had happened right away. She wondered if she had somehow been 'asking for it.' Hopefully, however, any reader can see through these early protestations to detect where true culpability lies, as she herself now can.
Accounts like this one are so important, both as part of a lengthy healing process for the teller and to shine a light on the institutions which continue to enable privileged young men in particular to act on their entitlement in horrifying ways without feeling the consequences. Lacy Crawford writes evocatively of her high school years and the long shadow that fell over them, and although it can be hard to face her raw pain head-on, I hope it acts as a deterrence for future silencings and the cruelty they hide.
[Content warning for racism, gun violence, and domestic abuse.]
Find me on Patreon | Goodreads | Blog | Twitter
kirsten0929's review
5.0
(notes to self…) Infuriating, heartbreaking, nauseating. On multiple levels. Insightful and beautifully written. Sexual assault and coverup at an elite secondary boarding school in New Hampshire. The author’s brave recounting of her experience, who she was as a person before and what happened after, which, through no fault of her own, was basically nothing good. Yet another reminder of how broken the systems are for victims/survivors of these kinds of crimes.
buttercupita's review
4.0
I'm perennially fascinated by stories that take place at private boarding schools -- a very different world! This one, non fiction, is mesmerizing and disturbing. Lacy Crawford was the victim of a callous sexual assault by fellow students, and she details the story within the first ten pages of the book. She then goes back to fill in the beginnings of her history with St. Paul school and intersperses memories of her childhood and family experiences with her continued attendance at the school. You hang in suspension wondering when will justice be served....I sometimes found the breaks in the chronology annoying, but ended up staying up all night to finish the book. You walk away with eyes opened to how easily a 15 year old girl can become the plaything to others' exertion of power.