Reviews tagging 'Physical abuse'
Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft
17 reviews
cnsgirl's review against another edition
Lundy is Anti Vax.
Lundy is a TERF.
This book might have some beneficial insight, given its popularity.
I personally cannot trust an author who holds those views to be a consistently enough sound source of insight, and I will read other books in Lundy's place.
Lundy is a TERF.
This book might have some beneficial insight, given its popularity.
I personally cannot trust an author who holds those views to be a consistently enough sound source of insight, and I will read other books in Lundy's place.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Physical abuse, Domestic abuse, and Emotional abuse
vainnerj's review against another edition
challenging
emotional
informative
medium-paced
5.0
Should be required reading for all women, mental health professionals and those who work in related fields. A bit dated but still unbelievably valuable.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Domestic abuse, Physical abuse, Emotional abuse, and Violence
oxamorist's review against another edition
informative
inspiring
reflective
tense
medium-paced
4.0
I thoroughly enjoyed reading the book, it left me with multiple perspectives on the topic of domestic abuse and how many things contribute to both abuse and solving and giving justice to issues of abuse. Although I do wonder how updated this book is on stats such as how many men are abused by women, as the author does claim it's rare, I do think the perspectives and information he highlights is very important for everyone to know, both men and women.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Physical abuse
Moderate: Child abuse and Emotional abuse
ezulc's review against another edition
dark
informative
inspiring
slow-paced
5.0
Content Warnings
Graphic: Physical abuse, Emotional abuse, Domestic abuse, and Toxic relationship
jokehelldo's review
emotional
informative
reflective
slow-paced
5.0
Content Warnings
Graphic: Physical abuse, Violence, Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Child abuse, Misogyny, and Toxic relationship
Moderate: Incest, Gaslighting, Child abuse, Sexual violence, and Rape
Minor: Alcoholism
tacita's review against another edition
hopeful
informative
sad
medium-paced
4.75
While severely biased toward the assumption of male-on-female dynamics, the actual descriptions of abusive behaviors are invaluable and specific.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Sexism, Toxic relationship, Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, and Physical abuse
Moderate: Drug abuse, Misogyny, Infidelity, Alcoholism, Stalking, Pregnancy, and Violence
Minor: Incest
xwritingstoriesx's review against another edition
emotional
informative
reflective
slow-paced
3.75
3.75 stars.
I have to start this review by acknowledging that the author is a trans-exclusionary radical feminist. I hadn't known this prior to purchasing and reading his work but I'm not happy with this information whatsoever. You cannot call yourself a feminist without intersectionality.
Onto the book itself, I found myself growing frustrated by the consistent message about male abuse and the denial of such happenings. If you are a male abuse victim, you will not feel seen or heard in this book, but rather you will find judgement, scorn and ridicule. In Chapter four, Bancroft writes, "Be particularly careful with a man who claims to have been a victim of physical violence by a previous female partner."
While I do understand that this has happened enough for it to be mentioned here, I don't think discrediting all claims against a female partner is the right path forward. In Chapter 2, he also writes about the embarrassment a man must feel from being abused by a woman. Obviously, this is a really dangerous sentiment. I wanted to give this man the benefit of the doubt as it was written twenty years ago but with the revelation of transphobia, I can't see him changing.
Moreover, I found that the book was a bit too long in my opinion and could have forgone the recap sections. I would've been fine with a 200 page book rather than 400 pages of anecdotal evidence mixed in with facts and off-putting opinions.
With regards to the positive aspects of this book, I did see myself in the examples given and greatly appreciated that they mentioned the court system and its prejudice towards abuse victims. The examples of real life experiences were really insightful and allowed you to draw comparison to your own experiences. Despite all this, I have to rate the book a 3.75 stars, as it didn't quite hit the mark for me.
I have to start this review by acknowledging that the author is a trans-exclusionary radical feminist. I hadn't known this prior to purchasing and reading his work but I'm not happy with this information whatsoever. You cannot call yourself a feminist without intersectionality.
Onto the book itself, I found myself growing frustrated by the consistent message about male abuse and the denial of such happenings. If you are a male abuse victim, you will not feel seen or heard in this book, but rather you will find judgement, scorn and ridicule. In Chapter four, Bancroft writes, "Be particularly careful with a man who claims to have been a victim of physical violence by a previous female partner."
While I do understand that this has happened enough for it to be mentioned here, I don't think discrediting all claims against a female partner is the right path forward. In Chapter 2, he also writes about the embarrassment a man must feel from being abused by a woman. Obviously, this is a really dangerous sentiment. I wanted to give this man the benefit of the doubt as it was written twenty years ago but with the revelation of transphobia, I can't see him changing.
Moreover, I found that the book was a bit too long in my opinion and could have forgone the recap sections. I would've been fine with a 200 page book rather than 400 pages of anecdotal evidence mixed in with facts and off-putting opinions.
With regards to the positive aspects of this book, I did see myself in the examples given and greatly appreciated that they mentioned the court system and its prejudice towards abuse victims. The examples of real life experiences were really insightful and allowed you to draw comparison to your own experiences. Despite all this, I have to rate the book a 3.75 stars, as it didn't quite hit the mark for me.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Gaslighting, Physical abuse, Child abuse, Domestic abuse, Toxic relationship, Violence, and Cursing
crybabybea's review against another edition
informative
medium-paced
3.0
I have very mixed feelings about this book, so much so that it took a few weeks to sort out my thoughts. I picked this book up when I was in a very scattered state of mind, and this book definitely helped calm my thoughts and help me think rationally. The information was interesting, but largely anecdotal. There wasn’t much peer-reviewed research or reference involved in the claims the author was making. I think the author crosses into a danger zone by the way this book is written; it comes across that his experience and observations are the end-all-be-all of research on abusers, their behavior, and their origination.
This book had a great opportunity to tackle cultural issues and societal values that need to change in order to help rid the world of abuse against women. The author, however, unfortunately misses the mark. He makes small references to media, religious values, and historical examples of abuse being socially acceptable, but doesn’t go nearly far enough into what we as a culture can do to change the society we live in. Perhaps that wasn’t the point of this book, and I didn’t expect a full-on feminist take-down, but this book was somehow… anti-feminist and anti-men? At the same time? I’m not sure how to explain it. The author makes some very over-arching claims about men in general while simultaneously talking down to the (presumably female) reader. He takes a very moralistic stance, and makes it a point to constantly distance himself from other men and the patriarchal culture we live in. In doing so, the effects of the patriarchy and the system we live in on both men and women is completely ignored, and men are painted as manipulative, scheming, and borderline sociopathic. I have no doubt that most abusers have serious detriments in their thinking or emotional reasoning that cause them to abuse women, but the author completely skims over and even denies the possibility of trauma or learned behaviors as an explanation. It’s for this reason that I think it’s better to look at this book as a handbook for victims of abuse rather than an actual exploration of why abusers are the way they are.
Because of the lack of scientific material and evidence, as well as some of the harmful messaging, I would only recommend this book to those who are trapped in abusive relationships and for whatever reason keep going back or cannot convince themselves to leave. This book does one thing very well, and that is to combat the self-gaslighting that happens as an abuse victim. For every excuse the victim could come up with, the author seems to swoop in at just the right time and combat the narrative already forming in their heads. I admire the connection the author had to the victims he has worked with, and he seems to show a really great understanding for how their minds work and what helps them out of their situation.
If I were rating this book as an actual text in psychology, something that explores the depth of abuse and domestic violence in all of its forms and causes, I would give it 2 stars or less. As a resource for victims of abuse seeking escape or healing, this book is wonderful and does a great job at helping someone piece things together and likely pull their life back together, as realizing you are in an abusive relationship is incredibly crazy-making and disorienting. I think the author just bit off more than he could chew with the premise of this book. I think the broad scope of the book held it back, as many parts of the book were lacking nuance and didn't get quite informative enough. This book would have served better if the content was shaved down, and the author focused more on what he knows; victims and how to support them. As someone who works with the public, I did find use in the resources listed as well as the advice given on how to support those recovering from abuse, and thought this was a very important and helpful part of the book.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Emotional abuse, Gaslighting, Misogyny, Toxic relationship, Child abuse, Sexism, Sexual violence, Bullying, Domestic abuse, and Physical abuse
Moderate: Addiction and Sexual assault
readingelli's review against another edition
challenging
informative
slow-paced
5.0
An excellent resource for a victim of abuse and their family/ friends that explains methods an abuser uses and how abuse is a choice and a reflection on the abusers core values.
Some bits were shocking to me, but it was valuable for me to learn what to look out for, and to learn strategies to help partners of abusers.
Despite being 20 years old this book is unfortunately still relevant today.
I fully intend to continue my learning journey with more resources from this book.
Some bits were shocking to me, but it was valuable for me to learn what to look out for, and to learn strategies to help partners of abusers.
Despite being 20 years old this book is unfortunately still relevant today.
I fully intend to continue my learning journey with more resources from this book.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Domestic abuse, Addiction, Violence, Sexual violence, Rape, Abandonment, Physical abuse, Drug abuse, Child abuse, and Emotional abuse
call_me_elle's review against another edition
dark
emotional
informative
reflective
sad
5.0
An excellent book! I gained a lot of insight and Bancroft included different example cases to understand what he means exactly and how a problematic relationship can look like.
It covers many topics from an explanation on abuse, different types of abusers, how to leave and abuser and more. In the end helpful resources are included.
I recommend this to everyone because every person can and should learn about this topic.
It covers many topics from an explanation on abuse, different types of abusers, how to leave and abuser and more. In the end helpful resources are included.
I recommend this to everyone because every person can and should learn about this topic.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Gaslighting and Physical abuse