Reviews tagging 'Sexism'

Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft

7 reviews

tacita's review against another edition

hopeful informative sad medium-paced

4.75

While severely biased toward the assumption of male-on-female dynamics, the actual descriptions of abusive behaviors are invaluable and specific. 

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Sexism, Toxic relationship, Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, and Physical abuse

Moderate: Drug abuse, Misogyny, Infidelity, Alcoholism, Stalking, Pregnancy, and Violence

Minor: Incest

random19379's review against another edition

challenging dark emotional informative medium-paced

5.0

Great book. Only criticism is that he is pro cops.

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Rape, Toxic relationship, Violence, Domestic abuse, and Sexism

Moderate: Racism

Minor: Ableism

crybabybea's review against another edition

informative medium-paced

3.0

I have very mixed feelings about this book, so much so that it took a few weeks to sort out my thoughts. I picked this book up when I was in a very scattered state of mind, and this book definitely helped calm my thoughts and help me think rationally. The information was interesting, but largely anecdotal. There wasn’t much peer-reviewed research or reference involved in the claims the author was making. I think the author crosses into a danger zone by the way this book is written; it comes across that his experience and observations are the end-all-be-all of research on abusers, their behavior, and their origination.

This book had a great opportunity to tackle cultural issues and societal values that need to change in order to help rid the world of abuse against women. The author, however, unfortunately misses the mark. He makes small references to media, religious values, and historical examples of abuse being socially acceptable, but doesn’t go nearly far enough into what we as a culture can do to change the society we live in. Perhaps that wasn’t the point of this book, and I didn’t expect a full-on feminist take-down, but this book was somehow… anti-feminist and anti-men? At the same time? I’m not sure how to explain it. The author makes some very over-arching claims about men in general while simultaneously talking down to the (presumably female) reader. He takes a very moralistic stance, and makes it a point to constantly distance himself from other men and the patriarchal culture we live in. In doing so, the effects of the patriarchy and the system we live in on both men and women is completely ignored, and men are painted as manipulative, scheming, and borderline sociopathic. I have no doubt that most abusers have serious detriments in their thinking or emotional reasoning that cause them to abuse women, but the author completely skims over and even denies the possibility of trauma or learned behaviors as an explanation. It’s for this reason that I think it’s better to look at this book as a handbook for victims of abuse rather than an actual exploration of why abusers are the way they are.

Because of the lack of scientific material and evidence, as well as some of the harmful messaging, I would only recommend this book to those who are trapped in abusive relationships and for whatever reason keep going back or cannot convince themselves to leave. This book does one thing very well, and that is to combat the self-gaslighting that happens as an abuse victim. For every excuse the victim could come up with, the author seems to swoop in at just the right time and combat the narrative already forming in their heads. I admire the connection the author had to the victims he has worked with, and he seems to show a really great understanding for how their minds work and what helps them out of their situation.

If I were rating this book as an actual text in psychology, something that explores the depth of abuse and domestic violence in all of its forms and causes, I would give it 2 stars or less. As a resource for victims of abuse seeking escape or healing, this book is wonderful and does a great job at helping someone piece things together and likely pull their life back together, as realizing you are in an abusive relationship is incredibly crazy-making and disorienting. I think the author just bit off more than he could chew with the premise of this book. I think the broad scope of the book held it back, as many parts of the book were lacking nuance and didn't get quite informative enough. This book would have served better if the content was shaved down, and the author focused more on what he knows; victims and how to support them. As someone who works with the public, I did find use in the resources listed as well as the advice given on how to support those recovering from abuse, and thought this was a very important and helpful part of the book. 

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Emotional abuse, Gaslighting, Misogyny, Toxic relationship, Child abuse, Sexism, Sexual violence, Bullying, Domestic abuse, and Physical abuse

Moderate: Addiction and Sexual assault

stguac's review against another edition

challenging dark hopeful informative inspiring reflective medium-paced

5.0

jesus uh. this is a must read.

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Abandonment, Adult/minor relationship, Alcoholism, Bullying, Child abuse, Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Gaslighting, Forced institutionalization, Grief, Mental illness, Misogyny, Physical abuse, Police brutality, Rape, Sexism, Sexual harassment, Sexual violence, Torture, and Toxic relationship

jjjreads's review against another edition

challenging dark emotional hopeful informative inspiring reflective fast-paced

5.0

Though it's aimed at people in potentially abusive romantic relationships, this book is relevant to anyone who interacts with any other humans. I cannot stress enough how important this book is, how helpful it is, and how much it will improve any and all of your relationships. Even if you don't feel that you're being abused - even if you're not in a romantic relationship at all - reading this book will at the very least show you how to care about the people around you, and how to care about yourself.

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Content Warnings

Moderate: Ableism, Addiction, Alcoholism, Animal cruelty, Body shaming, Bullying, Child abuse, Confinement, Domestic abuse, Drug abuse, Drug use, Violence, Toxic relationship, Suicidal thoughts, Stalking, Sexual violence, Sexual assault, Sexism, Self harm, Rape, Racism, Physical abuse, Misogyny, Mental illness, Kidnapping, Infidelity, Gun violence, Grief, and Emotional abuse

zombiezami's review against another edition

hopeful informative tense slow-paced

4.25

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Physical abuse, Sexual violence, Violence, Sexism, Misogyny, Incest, Drug use, Death, Child abuse, Domestic abuse, Drug abuse, and Emotional abuse

Moderate: Rape, Alcoholism, Addiction, and Toxic relationship

Minor: Racism and Suicide

ofpoetsandsaints's review against another edition

challenging emotional informative reflective sad medium-paced

4.75

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Content Warnings

Moderate: Addiction, Alcoholism, Child abuse, Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Incest, Infidelity, Misogyny, Pedophilia, Physical abuse, Rape, Sexism, Sexual assault, Sexual violence, Toxic relationship, and Violence