Reviews with content warning for Deadnaming - The Natural Mother of the Child: A Memoir of Nonbinary Parenthood

Reviews tagging 'Deadnaming'

The Natural Mother of the Child: A Memoir of Nonbinary Parenthood by Krys Malcolm Belc

6 reviews

dominic_t's review against another edition

challenging emotional informative inspiring reflective medium-paced

4.5

This is a really unique book. Krys discusses pregnancy, birth, and parenting from a non-binary perspective. Krys included pictures and legal documents that illustrate the parenting journey. He does more than just transcribe the documents; he uses them as a jumping off point for essays that describe his experiences in more depth. It's a very unique way to structure a book, and it really works.

Krys has some beautiful insights into how his pregnancy and birth shaped his self-image, and he writes about his experiences so beautifully.

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nagev's review against another edition

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fast-paced

2.75

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shewantsthediction's review against another edition

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challenging hopeful informative reflective medium-paced

3.0

Parts of this made me a little uncomfortable, particularly

when the author talks about almost hitting their kids

. I respect the honesty, but as a survivor of child abuse, it was super off-putting. The other thing that bothered me were the pregnancy descriptions, but that's more of a personal squeamishness.

The perspective of being a trans nonbinary parent and the story of how they had to adopt their own children was super enlightening, though.

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just_one_more_paige's review against another edition

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challenging emotional hopeful informative inspiring reflective sad medium-paced

4.0

I, like so many people in the book world, was sucked into the Barnes and Noble 50% off hardbacks sale at the beginning of this year. It was basically irresistible. And this memoir was one of the selections I made. I haven't really seen it around much, but with a background in childbirth and breastfeeding education (an MPH in "Maternal and Child Health"), and my current work in efforts for more inclusive adolescent "family life" health education in NC, this felt like a "must read" for me.

In The Natural Mother of the Child, Belc shares his deeply personal experience as a nonbinary, transmasculine gestational parent. Starting back with reflections on his own childhood and parents, moving through his journey of nonbinary conception, birth and breastfeeding, and finally the way that having his son, Samson, helped him clarify and fully step into his own gender identity. Interspersed throughout are images of documents, as well as photo reproductions, that provide insight into both the limiting ways that gender and parenthood are viewed, societally and legally, and Blec's own journey and growth while coming to realizations about himself.

My first impression, while reading, was that this memoir is deeply introspective, but with a straightforward (short, almost jumpy) style that belies emotional distance. Interestingly, as the work progressed, the style of writing felt a bit like it changed, and became something more comfortable. In thinking about that, I feel like there is a fascinating point to be made about the probable parallel in the writing with what Belc himself actually felt about the person he was at the times in his life in question. (Alternatively, I just got used to the style as I read, but that's a less insightful commentary...) I also found the visuals to be surprisingly affecting, despite (or perhaps because of) their repetitive and everyday vibe. It really added something to see these social and legal definers of life/personhood/identity in conjunction with Belc's reflections on them, the way he really works to move past them.

In regards to the topics that create the central focus of this memoir, they are understandably related to gender and parenthood. If you are enmeshed in these topics in your own daily life, there are perhaps no surprises in these pages. And yet, being allowed into this personal lens, as opposed to working with everything through an academic one, is incredibly moving. It gives depth and humanity to discussions of gender and parenthood in a combination that for most of us, is not commonplace or acknowledged or even on a radar. The way gender is in and affects everything (inescapably ingrained as a binary) and, because of the way Belc tries to move past it, it just totally eclipses the other things (like interpersonal/family relationships, grief, etc.) to a false extreme that doesn’t allow for any sort of nuance. It's a complicated juxtaposition that Belc explores thoroughly, both within their own experience and in the context of the larger world.

Some of the most affecting moments, for me, were the times when Belc was willing to intimately share what one might consider the "uglier" parts of himself, the deep seated anger, his frustrations with his partner, etc. The way he reflects on the parts of himself that fit into gender stereotypes from both sides of the binary, essentially questioning the truth of the binary but without the actual question(s) being overtly asked, is juxtaposed so well with the questions he explicitly does ask of himself, regarding the sociocultural implications and important placed on a baby's, and a parent's, sex/gender and the exclusivity inherent in that that we all buy into to some extent whether or not we want to, because we are surrounded by it incessantly (in ways both larg and small, from all angles). In addition, Belc explores his own confusion about how to be himself and a parent (a gestational parent and a father both), especially considering the way that no matter how obviously he is trans/non-binary (or not, as it were), carrying a baby changes the way people talk about/to you. This all plays in tandem with his own comfort with labels and what does/doesn’t "qualify" him to feel like he deserves to be or belongs as a father (versus a mother versus a parent). It's complicated and insightful and introspective and a full social observation and commentary all at the same time, and if reading about it feels like a lot, just imagine how overwhelming it can be to actually navigate.

I feel like (with the caveat that I am not an own voice reviewer) there is something for every background here, no matter your personal experience with gender and parenthood. If you are totally unaware of the realm of nonbinary and trans parenting, this is a phenomenal introduction to the reality. If you are conceptually enmeshed, but not personally aware, there is an individuality and real daily truth that this memoir provides. And if you are intimately aware of, have personal experience in nonbinary or trans parenthood, this is an invaluable public voice given to a very marginalized, generally dismissed, at times deeply unsafe reality. Although, as with everything, this is just a single voice of a single experience, it is still so important as a move towards visibility.

“How much can you hate a system you pay to be a part of?”

“I could not set aside an enraged life because I loved someone.”

“In that moment I know I can never have my past and present at the same time.”

“…now they say You're such a good dad because now they think I am a man and no one thinks men can do anything related to children, least of all make one.”

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rieviolet's review against another edition

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challenging emotional reflective medium-paced

3.5

I think I went into this book with a lot of pre-made assumptions and expectations that weren't really met. But I recognize that this is all on me the reader as I expected to find reflected a lot of my own feelings and experiences about being non-binary and the concept of motherhood/parenthood and so I cannot really put any blame on the book itself. Still, the reading experience, for me at least, fell a bit flat, aside from some really interesting, reflective and emotional passages, but they were few and far between.

There were times I struggled a bit with the prose, it felt a bit fragmented, jumpy and fast, with very short sentences or with sentences lacking punctuation. I don't think that I personally get on well with this kind of writing style, sometimes I struggled to follow the structure of the sentence.
At times, I also felt that the story telling was a bit disjointed and there were many segments expanding on related topics that, nevertheless, I found a bit boring and that took me out of the main narration. For example, there were digressions on the ultrasound technology, on other scientific or medical topics that I did not expected and just did not care much for.

I'm still glad to have read the book as I'm always keen to read more about queerness in all its forms. I just struggled a bit to get thorugh the book and did not get out of it as much as I was expecting.

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imrereads's review against another edition

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emotional inspiring reflective medium-paced

4.0

[This book was gifted to me by Counter Point Press]

This is quite the emotional story. It follows Belc, a trans masculine nonbinary person, who carries one of his own children. Belc takes us through his life, relationships, pregnancy and journey as a parents in a very vulnurable way. It's told in a very fragmented way, and we move around in time a lot. Often he writes directly to "you", but who "you" is seems to change. This took me a while to get used to, but I also found it to be so effective.

I'm grateful to Belc for sharing his story so openly. It's rare to see stories of trans people going through pregnancy. I loved seeing how he found himself through this journey and in parenthood. Absolutely wonderful.

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