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dullshimmer's review against another edition
2.0
I remember reading this for the first time when I was dating my current wife as preparation for marriage. We had also read I Kissed Dating Goodbye, and while we didn't like that book much at all, we both had better memories of this book. Sadly, better memories of a book people wanted you to read while dating, doesn't necessarily make for a good book.
The reality is that there is a lot of weight around this book's neck to start with. I Kissed Dating Goodbye is a book that has a rather messy legacy. Josh Harris has renounced it and the books connected to it, which I assume is potentially also meaning this book. Toss into the fact that Harris has divorced his wife and renounced Christianity in general, it creates quite the mess around this book. I don't say this to dismiss Harris, in fact I hope he is able to find his path after all this, it is more the bigger question of how much can you take from a book when the author's life doesn't end up like the book is leading you to believe and the author himself is renouncing the work.
Even without these issues swirling around the book, I wasn't a huge fan of the book. On the positive side I do think there are some good principles to mine out of it, but often the exact way Harris tries to lay this out practically seem wrongheaded. I do think that there is a benefit to asking questions about why you're going into a romantic relationship, that communication is really important for all relationships, and that being careful about being too physical is a good thing in Christian relationships.
The main problem I have with this book is that it feels so full of fear and anxiety and judgment. It is all about doing things the right way. While Harris tried to show graciousness and that there are many ways to have this work out right, it doesn't really come across very well. He says it doesn't matter about dating or courtship, but he goes on to use courtship in almost all of his examples. It's tough because it isn't like marriage is unimportant or something that one should be glib about, but at the same time I don't think it should be something we're paralyzed with fear about either.
There are also some things I just don't agree with at all presented in the book. There is a whole chapter on gender roles, and it's pretty awful. It's all about the man needing to be the one to initiate things and being the leader as well as women learning to submit, being encouraged to view motherhood as a blessing, and about the need to be feminine (whatever that is exactly meaning here). I mean I do think there are differences between men and women, but I also think that Christians often make this divide far wider than is legitimate and offer up poor language and nuance when talking about the differences.
Of course there is also the talk about needing to protect as a male also, which is okay except for Harris being affiliated with a pastor and church that was accused of covering up child sexual abuse. It comes off a little hollow to talk about men protecting women or anything with that backdrop. It just really adds to the mess that surrounds this book.
At the end of it all, I'm just not a big fan of Boy Meets Girl. You can find some decent principles here and there, but it's probably not worth reading through the book to find them. Especially when the implementation of these principles and even the extent Harris presents them are typically not great. It also feels like too much of the book is fearful and anxious to an extreme and even a little judgmental if you don't do things even in this general way. Add in the mess that surround the culture this book was forged in and this is a hard pass and a book I'm going to be parting ways with. I just wish I could find a good book that deals with this topic.
The reality is that there is a lot of weight around this book's neck to start with. I Kissed Dating Goodbye is a book that has a rather messy legacy. Josh Harris has renounced it and the books connected to it, which I assume is potentially also meaning this book. Toss into the fact that Harris has divorced his wife and renounced Christianity in general, it creates quite the mess around this book. I don't say this to dismiss Harris, in fact I hope he is able to find his path after all this, it is more the bigger question of how much can you take from a book when the author's life doesn't end up like the book is leading you to believe and the author himself is renouncing the work.
Even without these issues swirling around the book, I wasn't a huge fan of the book. On the positive side I do think there are some good principles to mine out of it, but often the exact way Harris tries to lay this out practically seem wrongheaded. I do think that there is a benefit to asking questions about why you're going into a romantic relationship, that communication is really important for all relationships, and that being careful about being too physical is a good thing in Christian relationships.
The main problem I have with this book is that it feels so full of fear and anxiety and judgment. It is all about doing things the right way. While Harris tried to show graciousness and that there are many ways to have this work out right, it doesn't really come across very well. He says it doesn't matter about dating or courtship, but he goes on to use courtship in almost all of his examples. It's tough because it isn't like marriage is unimportant or something that one should be glib about, but at the same time I don't think it should be something we're paralyzed with fear about either.
There are also some things I just don't agree with at all presented in the book. There is a whole chapter on gender roles, and it's pretty awful. It's all about the man needing to be the one to initiate things and being the leader as well as women learning to submit, being encouraged to view motherhood as a blessing, and about the need to be feminine (whatever that is exactly meaning here). I mean I do think there are differences between men and women, but I also think that Christians often make this divide far wider than is legitimate and offer up poor language and nuance when talking about the differences.
Of course there is also the talk about needing to protect as a male also, which is okay except for Harris being affiliated with a pastor and church that was accused of covering up child sexual abuse. It comes off a little hollow to talk about men protecting women or anything with that backdrop. It just really adds to the mess that surrounds this book.
At the end of it all, I'm just not a big fan of Boy Meets Girl. You can find some decent principles here and there, but it's probably not worth reading through the book to find them. Especially when the implementation of these principles and even the extent Harris presents them are typically not great. It also feels like too much of the book is fearful and anxious to an extreme and even a little judgmental if you don't do things even in this general way. Add in the mess that surround the culture this book was forged in and this is a hard pass and a book I'm going to be parting ways with. I just wish I could find a good book that deals with this topic.
joshknape's review against another edition
3.0
I saw this at the library where I worked in the 2000s, and read it eventually (without first noticing the prior book) Besides that I wasn't really the target audience (rarely dated in my youth, and didn't get engaged until my early forties), I now wonder whether I read this book closely enough. Probably not.
Because first, I don't remember seeing the material as a set of "legalistic" rules for courting, whereas these days, seemingly everyone else who read the book says it is. Second, in retrospect, I cannot remember the slightest hint in this book that Joshua Harris would eventually rebel against Christianity and also leave his wife. I wonder what happened to him.
Because first, I don't remember seeing the material as a set of "legalistic" rules for courting, whereas these days, seemingly everyone else who read the book says it is. Second, in retrospect, I cannot remember the slightest hint in this book that Joshua Harris would eventually rebel against Christianity and also leave his wife. I wonder what happened to him.
bluestar_apologist's review
slow-paced
Unless you’re reading it for research purposes, stay away from it.
Content Warnings
Moderate: Homophobia, Sexism, Toxic relationship, Transphobia, and Religious bigotry
dtzypig's review against another edition
3.0
This book was ok. It has some really great insight and encouragement, but there were times where it felt a little preachy. I don't think it was Joshua Harris' intent, but there were points in the book where he came across as "holier than thou" and it seemed a little condemning. Good book to read if you're interested in ideas to grow and strengthen a relationship, but not a book I would want to model a relationship after.
marieeya's review against another edition
5.0
This book is not just for people in courtship. Just like the book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" I recommend this to all the singles out there. I bet it will enlighten you just as it has enlightened me or even more.
God's best is always worth the wait. Wait patiently for the Lord. Wait patiently for His will. And as you wait patiently, live your life for Him. Only God can give satisfaction to the deep longings of your heart.
God's best is always worth the wait. Wait patiently for the Lord. Wait patiently for His will. And as you wait patiently, live your life for Him. Only God can give satisfaction to the deep longings of your heart.
mrscherrygarcia's review against another edition
3.0
I read this book with my now-husband back when we first started dating. It definitely opened up doors for discussion for us, but we had to decide what we agreed with Joshua Harris on and what we disagreed with him on. And we disagreed every now and then. I recommend it for new couples for discussion purposes, if nothing else.
caitlin_89's review against another edition
4.0
I definitely read this as a single teenager and was like "yep, yep, I'm a godly homeschooler and agree with all this stuff," but it had no real relevance to my life.
I'm 25 and in a serious relationship now and my boyfriend keeps talking about how he read this book and it had good conversation questions in the back and he wishes he hadn't lent it to someone because he never got it back. So I got a copy for him, but decided to re-read it first.
I'm glad I did. As a woman in a relationship whose life goal is to honor Christ, it was a lot more applicable than the first time I read it.
"Courtship" is kind of a trigger word with negative connotations and feelings now, but the heart of this book is really just about glorifying god in your relationship, which is what my boyfriend and I already strive to do. There were some good reminders. I liked it.
I do disagree with a few things - his personal rules (which, granted, he specifically says he doesn't suggest for everyone) for physical contact are CRAZY. I can't imagine not giving my boyfriend real hugs and back rubs. Also there's a bit in there about virginity which is a pet peeve of mine, as Christian circles usually talk about a woman's virginity as if it belongs to a man, which I strongly disagree with.
All in all, though, It was an encouraging look at building a relationship based on common faith and devotion, and like the BF said, the questions for discussion in the back are great!
I'm 25 and in a serious relationship now and my boyfriend keeps talking about how he read this book and it had good conversation questions in the back and he wishes he hadn't lent it to someone because he never got it back. So I got a copy for him, but decided to re-read it first.
I'm glad I did. As a woman in a relationship whose life goal is to honor Christ, it was a lot more applicable than the first time I read it.
"Courtship" is kind of a trigger word with negative connotations and feelings now, but the heart of this book is really just about glorifying god in your relationship, which is what my boyfriend and I already strive to do. There were some good reminders. I liked it.
I do disagree with a few things - his personal rules (which, granted, he specifically says he doesn't suggest for everyone) for physical contact are CRAZY. I can't imagine not giving my boyfriend real hugs and back rubs. Also there's a bit in there about virginity which is a pet peeve of mine, as Christian circles usually talk about a woman's virginity as if it belongs to a man, which I strongly disagree with.
All in all, though, It was an encouraging look at building a relationship based on common faith and devotion, and like the BF said, the questions for discussion in the back are great!
misstessamaye's review against another edition
1.0
The author has since apologized for this book and its prequel due to the damaging teaching that has affected an entire generation. So there's that.
elianachow's review against another edition
5.0
While I don't think I'm anywhere close to being ready for a relationship, this book was really helpful in finding encouragement to wait for that moment, filled with humble suggestions on how to act in a Godly manner when it comes. Speaking now from the standpoint of a married man who went dated, courted, proposed, and said his vows, Harris provides his personal perspective on what worked and what didn't, the highs and lows, the frustrations and the joys, the temptations and the triumphs, and many other things that he did not yet know in his first book, I Kissed Dating Goodbye, which he wrote when he was single and learning from past mistakes. On a practical level, this book clears up some of the more debated misinterpretations or ambiguous content from its prequel. I appreciated Harris' continuous reminder that it's not really about what you call the relationship, but about how you best live it out to serve each other and to glorify God.
theliterarylemen's review against another edition
3.0
This is a radical look on Christian dating, and isn't for everyone. I loved the basic ideas, such as including your community of friends and mentors in the process to hold you accountable and put things in perspective, but most of it isn't for me.