Reviews tagging 'Gaslighting'

Una educación by Tara Westover

572 reviews

arachneweaver's review against another edition

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challenging emotional inspiring sad medium-paced

4.5

Scrupulous memoir (you can tell the author is a historian), lyrical, and carefully fair—which makes the incidents recounted all the more horrific.

If this were a work of fiction, I’d judge it as being too over-the-top, and say that the protagonist is unbelievable and stupid in her actions (abusive brother has just broken her wrist in public? She should scream — not try to cover up for him!) But…it’s a memoir.

_Educated_ is being promoted as a story of a triumph over impossible odds—and it is that—but IMO, it’s a searing indictment of the America’s blind acceptance of abuse and denial of human rights when these take place in the context of religion and/or family. The freedom we espouse should never be the “freedom” of a few powerful men to steal the freedom of women and children.

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jenna0818's review against another edition

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challenging dark emotional informative reflective sad tense medium-paced

4.5

Every chapter my jaw dropped even further. The writing is so visceral, I felt like I was on the same emotional journey as Tara in her head. It was maddening but honest and caused me to reflect on a lot of themes. I completely believe her accounting of her life, real life is crazier than fiction. Thank you Tara for sharing your bravery and reflection.

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afrenette's review against another edition

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challenging reflective slow-paced

2.5


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nabooru's review against another edition

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emotional inspiring sad medium-paced

5.0


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ameliesbookshelf's review against another edition

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challenging dark informative sad slow-paced

3.75


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maria_thebookworm's review against another edition

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challenging dark emotional inspiring reflective sad tense fast-paced

4.75

"There's a world out there, Tara. And it will look a lot different once Dad is no longer whispering his view of it in your ear." 

This book will definitely stay with me forever and is one of my top books of the year so far. 

Educated is a remarkable memoir about Tara Westwood, who grew up in rural Idaho as the youngest child in a large Mormon family. Her father believed doctors were evil, so Tara never received legitimate medical attention as a child, despite needing it many times. Her father was also terrified of the government, so Tara (and some of her siblings) didn't have a birth certificate for years and her mother didn't even remember her real birthday. 

Tara had no education whatsoever growing up, as her father didnt allow her to attend school and neither of her parents legitimately homeschooled her. She got into college by studying for the ACT with the help of her brother. Tara writes in her memoir, "I don't understand why I wasn't allowed to get a decent education as a child.” 

Tara's entire childhood consisted of manual labor, including salvaging in a junk yard and working in construction. As her family didn't believe in going to doctors or hospitals, they suffered through many accidents (gashes, stabs, falls, multiple car accidents), with no medical intervention. Her mother was a midwife who believed in "energy healing", and she "treated" any medical issues with homeopathic remedies. Tara never took painkillers or over the counter medicine of any kind as a child. After a car accident, when Tara likely had a concussion, she only received assistance from an "energy specialist." 

The physical, emotional, and educational neglect was absolutely infuriating to read about, along with the descriptions of physical abuse that Tara experienced at the hands of her violent brother. The gaslighting and betrayal from her family caused deep self-doubt in Tara. However, Tara is incredibly resilient and defied all the odds to receive not only a university degree but also, ultimately, a PhD. 

Reading this book was a brutal roller coaster of emotions.

On a personal level, I related to Tara in growing up in a very strict religious environment with certain beliefs surrounding modesty and modern medicine. Tara had to distance herself from the radical beliefs of her parents and the culture in which she grew up, which is something I relate to, although not to the same extremes. 

The themes of growing up, moving away, forming your own beliefs, and realizing everything you've been taught is either narrow-minded, untrue, or simply evil, are powerful. Tara's incredible writing does not sugarcoat these challenges but rather reveals these experiences in her own life. Healing is not linear, and navigating one's way out of a cult is not easy, but Tara desrcibes her journey with raw and intense self-reflection.  

I highly recommend this book because you will not turn the last page unchanged.


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nytephoenyx's review against another edition

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dark emotional tense medium-paced

4.5

I really enjoyed this book. It was tugged at my soul more than I liked. The radically religious upbringing delivered from a parent living with mental illness was too relatable on many counts. Westover had it worse, but it was all too familiar. Structurally the book is well-written and thought-provoking. It provides an important glimpse into misunderstood worlds, and I could taste the lingering bitterness in Westover’s writing. And I get it.

Good read, definitely one I want to add to me collection.

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izzyclemente's review against another edition

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adventurous dark emotional inspiring sad tense

5.0


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jaamajam's review against another edition

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4.75

Wow, this book is incredible and such a powerful memoir. Some parts were definitely very hard to read and it made me quite emotional 

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vgartner's review against another edition

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5.0


I started listening to the audiobook knowing that the author was Mormon and didn't receive a formal education until some later point in her life, but not really knowing much else about her story. Most of what I know about Mormonism comes from pop culture (The Book of Mormon, the drama Under the Banner of Heaven, etc.), and while this book is very much about a Mormon family, I wouldn't say I learned a much more about mainstream Mormonism from this memoir.

What Tara Westover centers in her writing is her childhood and adolescent experiences of physical and emotional abuse and her subsequent struggle to become herself and find an understanding of those experiences as part of her history but not the measure of her worth as a person. It's a story of survival and overcoming the deeply ingrained self-betrayal hammered into her via her abusive family members.

Many of her realizations and reflections on her experiences were familiar to me in my own path towards healing similar emotional wounds, but one passage in particular stopped me in my tracks with its clarity of insight:

"'I’m only crying from the pain', I told myself. 'From the pain in my wrist. Not from anything else'.
This moment would define my memory of that night, and of the many nights like it, for a decade. In it I saw myself as unbreakable, as tender as stone. At first I merely believed this, until one day it became the truth. Then I was able to tell myself, without lying, that it didn’t affect me, that he didn’t affect me, because nothing affected me. I didn’t understand how morbidly right I was. How I had hollowed myself out. For all my obsessing over the consequences of that night, I had misunderstood the vital truth: that its not affecting me, that was its effect."


Westover excels at not only describing her experiences with vivid detail and raw emotional honesty, but in identifying how each experience contributed to the story of her life - what decisions she made (which decisions she felt she was able to make); how she tried so hard to exist according to the limits and expectations put to her; how, ultimately, she realized she could no longer continue to obey her family's twisted rules without losing herself totally; the utter devastation she felt in trying to choose herself over her abusers.

One theme that reappears throughout is her father's and brother's use of misogyny to belittle and control her, which, through the course of the book, she slowly begins to understand is just another way they can maker her feel worthless. What I find really interesting is the chapter when she is at BYU and discussing polygamy with a classmate, and how she feels so devalued by that part of her religion, and when prompted by her classmate, refuses at first to acquiesce to her classmates expectation that she simply "pray for faith" for her lack of understanding. She comes so close to explicitly connecting the misogyny employed by her male family members as a more general tool of subjugation of women sanctified by her church's teachings, but never goes there.

Throughout, Westover mostly avoids discussing her personal feelings about Mormonism directly beyond this scene and later, during her PhD, how her chapter on Mormonism was her favorite to write (though maybe this is not fair of me, as I consider her love of Mormon choir music as a more general human experience than specifically part of her faith, which maybe others would disagree with me about). My impression from what little she says and what all she does not say is that she never left her Mormon faith behind when she sought out a path independent from her family, and maybe is unwilling to open that part of her life to public knowledge and discussion. Part of me feels greedy in wanting to know more about how her beliefs changed during her time living as her own person. And possibly she simply decided that was too big a topic for the story she wanted to tell here. But I was left wanting just a bit more on this subject, although overall I wouldn't say the book felt incomplete at all! 

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