Scan barcode
imaginmatrix's review against another edition
slow-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? No
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? No
0.25
*Spoilers*
When it comes to bad books, they can fall into one of two groups; “fun” bad, and “bad” bad.
When it comes to bad books, they can fall into one of two groups; “fun” bad, and “bad” bad.
This was the latter.
I nearly DNFed, but I am driven by spite, and now the several hours I spent listening to the audiobook shall never be returned to me.
The writing itself was mediocre at the best of times, with attempts at purple prose and poetic wording that really just had me either bursting out laughing or making the most incredulous expressions my face could contort into. Characters say something that means nothing, and another character will somehow extrapolate their exact meaning from it. Adverbs, verbs, nouns, and adjectives were mixed and matched in a way that oftentimes resulted in either nonsense or a mental image that was likely very far from the author’s intent.
And unfortunately for a smutty romance novel, the sex scenes were boring. Which is pretty much the worst thing if one is to read a smutty romance novel, particularly if that novel has almost no plot.
Have I mentioned this story has almost no plot?
Fia is a seelie princess who’s Not Like Other Girls™ because she doesn’t wear shoes and likes baby monsters and is so silly and quirky!
That is the extent of her personality, which changes from moment to moment to fit whatever the author needs her to be in that moment.
She finds the dark unseelie prince named Colvin in her “Uncle’s” dungeon, but surprise! He is actually a vampire were-dragon unseelie Prince who wields darkness I guess and his eyes change color pretty much in the exact same way Edward Cullen’s do.
To speed run what follows: she frees him, is imprisoned for freeing him (in a scene that had me truly dumbfounded at how silly it was), finds out her Uncle sexually assaulted her mother and is actually her father (yikes!), is then taken to be the bride of the Vampire Were-Dragon Prince, and then they have a lot of sex.
The tag “Enemies to Lovers” plastered in the book’s descriptions absolutely does not describe this relationship— if it can even be called that.
There is not even a hint of chemistry, which I suppose they don’t need since they’re “fated mates” and are going to be together regardless of if they actually have any sparks between them.
The book desperately wants us to believe Col is a dark, edgy, not-quite-evil-but-definitely-morally-deficient Prince, but a stress ball has more edge than this man. He barely acts in any way to actually butt heads with Fia (until closer to the end I guess, after they’re already in love,) and she HATES him for…
…taking her away from a home she clearly never felt like she belonged in, where she didn’t have any friends except a guy who betrayed her, that threw her into a dungeon, called her names, and all together treated her poorly.
Fia constantly is yelling at Col for “taking her away from her home” when at no point in the story does the author ACTUALLY convey her feelings about that home— except for the fact she didn’t like anyone there. Does she miss the forests? (There are forests in the new kingdom too.) Does she miss her Uncle/Father who assaulted her mother? (No she wants to kill him (and does.)) Does she miss her friends? Again, she has none, except a best friend/lover who immediately sold her out, and who she then says repeatedly she never wants to see again.
…upon seeing him again, she immediately holds his hands and talks about how happy she is to see him because he reminds her of “home.”
Again; what home?
Then there’s 70% of the book, which consists of absolutely nothing happening.
We meet Colvin’s friends; an uncle who is his bff, Jarron, and the uncle’s mate, 21-year-old Percy.
And here’s a where the author’s apparent love for Twilight becomes a big problem, and probably the grossest part of the whole book.
Percy, was mate-bonded to Jarron, 30 years her senior, at the age of twelve. Because her period started.
So now we have 1. The troubling misconception that a little girl becomes a woman when she starts her period and 2. That pedophilia is fine if they’re meant to be together!
For Uncle Jarron’s part, he was apparently NOT down with this and dared to… try and break the bond and date other women while his “mate” continued to go through childhood.
And this man is apparently meant to be an asshole.
It’s even more ridiculous since they establish that people CAN reject a mating bond and find a new mate— so then why is he the bad guy for not wanting to be bonded to someone he’s known since she was a CHILD and he was a grown man?!
Anyway. Back to the “story.”
Nothing any character does or says is consistent or makes sense. A little past the halfway point, we are then “treated” to 2+hours (audiobook time) of mediocre sex scene after boring sex scene after laughably bad sex scene. I’m not kidding. I counted.
They bang. And then the banging continues. And then it keeps going for far longer than I would care to read in even a well written story. And then there’s a pause for a short scene where they talk about nothing and it goes nowhere. And then they bang again. And then again. And then a scene where they talk about something very serious and dark— and then they bang mid conversation! And then another scene of nothing. And then— you guessed it! More banging.
Honestly I just zoned out half the time because it was so mind numbing.
Then there are “dramatic” reveals that were so not-shocking and non-issues I don’t even think it’s worth talking about or trying to explain. Just know I was shouting in the car in absolute disbelief that this book is actually really published.
Col almost dies, Fia saves him, she kills her FatherUncle, they have kids, the end.
The author desperately wanted to write ACOTAR and failed miserably, which I say as someone who despises ACOTAR. But it could be called a masterpiece after this.
To sum up: it’s tropey (which doesn’t have to be bad— tropes can be written well and be great for a story!), the characters are obnoxious and never change in any meaningful way, the writing is boring, the smut is abysmal, and I’ll never get that time back.
There’s also nothing “Seelie” or “Unseelie” or even “Fae” about any characters. Not sure if the author actually knows what fae are.
And as for the title?
What villains. The kingdom has 0 villains. There’s like one villain, and he is not in the kingdom, and is not very good at it.
And as for the title?
What villains. The kingdom has 0 villains. There’s like one villain, and he is not in the kingdom, and is not very good at it.
What a book to end the year on. Sheesh.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Sexual assault and Sexual content
Minor: Pedophilia