sisteray's review
2.0
One of the great joys of dipping your toes into reading small press books is that you can get a thrill out of discovering some hidden gem. Something that you can tell all your friends about, that you can feel good about getting other people excited about. And then what most likely happens is that you run across books like this. It's a novice personal project that desperately needed work, but never got it because there was no one there as a gatekeeper to ask questions, edit text, or recommend other solutions.
This whole piece feels like a first draft manuscript that should have been workshopped with other creatives with an open mind to make the work better. When you look at other successful indie horror writers, they have whole sections where they thank all the other authors that have helped them to hone their work. They have a supportive network of like-minded creatives and they leave themselves open to suggestions to improve their work.
While this might have been a pretty good short story, as a novella it's padded with clunky text. It is rife with awkward descriptions that overly describe details that just don't matter. They don't add to the mood, they don't reveal anything about characters, they don't move the story forward. We don't need to read about putting car keys in your pocket, if there is no reason to talk about the keys. We don't need to know about a pine stool if it says nothing helpful.
This is a cosmic horror story, so things are expected to be wild. But frequently, the author will even overly describe something that the details make imagining what he's saying more confusing, but sadly, it isn't done with intention to be disorienting. It's just unclear.
There isn't much plot to speak of. The main character just kind of stumbles around smoking and continually finding himself as an observer for other people. But even then they are all just kind of standing around waiting for him to talk to them. It feels like an old video game where you just wander around and press x to talk to someone and they tell you the text that you are supposed to hear now. Occasionally something dramatic happens after he goes into a space to activate the story, but then he just kind of leaves and goes to the next scene.
There don't seem to be any motivations to any of the characters. They all just kind of wander around aimlessly until they are required. Even the narrator doesn't bother with the interests of the side characters. It even calls the main character's father "Dad" the whole time. I guess it's a byproduct of a third person limited POV, but it feels amateur, like no one bothered to point it out to the author.
The scenes each feel so extreme, where he's freaking out about all the wrong things. Like, I'd be freaking out if I woke up in a strange person's home, but I wouldn't want to suddenly claw my eyes out if I saw some surreal fantasy paintings (like Hieronymus Bosch or your average metal album cover).
The book is really fatalistic, and because no one takes any action in it, then it's hard to care what the results are. The consequences are so extreme, but bizarrely there are no stakes in anything. No one is bothering to do anything because no one is motivated to do anything. Except for a really bizarrely shoehorned school shooting scene, that technically fits in the story, but completely feels removed from the A-line plot and throws the pace of the third act off entirely. Stuff just happens.
Literally, the only thing I cared about in the whole book what the mystery of his wife established in the beginning, and it just never gets addressed.
I really wanted to like this, but the only reason why I finished it was because after giving it a shot for 100 pages, there were only 80 more to go, and I was hoping it would do something fun. But I just found it to be contrived and unskilled, especially in light of so many other amazing contemporary indie horror writers out there.
This whole piece feels like a first draft manuscript that should have been workshopped with other creatives with an open mind to make the work better. When you look at other successful indie horror writers, they have whole sections where they thank all the other authors that have helped them to hone their work. They have a supportive network of like-minded creatives and they leave themselves open to suggestions to improve their work.
While this might have been a pretty good short story, as a novella it's padded with clunky text. It is rife with awkward descriptions that overly describe details that just don't matter. They don't add to the mood, they don't reveal anything about characters, they don't move the story forward. We don't need to read about putting car keys in your pocket, if there is no reason to talk about the keys. We don't need to know about a pine stool if it says nothing helpful.
This is a cosmic horror story, so things are expected to be wild. But frequently, the author will even overly describe something that the details make imagining what he's saying more confusing, but sadly, it isn't done with intention to be disorienting. It's just unclear.
There isn't much plot to speak of. The main character just kind of stumbles around smoking and continually finding himself as an observer for other people. But even then they are all just kind of standing around waiting for him to talk to them. It feels like an old video game where you just wander around and press x to talk to someone and they tell you the text that you are supposed to hear now. Occasionally something dramatic happens after he goes into a space to activate the story, but then he just kind of leaves and goes to the next scene.
There don't seem to be any motivations to any of the characters. They all just kind of wander around aimlessly until they are required. Even the narrator doesn't bother with the interests of the side characters. It even calls the main character's father "Dad" the whole time. I guess it's a byproduct of a third person limited POV, but it feels amateur, like no one bothered to point it out to the author.
The scenes each feel so extreme, where he's freaking out about all the wrong things. Like, I'd be freaking out if I woke up in a strange person's home, but I wouldn't want to suddenly claw my eyes out if I saw some surreal fantasy paintings (like Hieronymus Bosch or your average metal album cover).
The book is really fatalistic, and because no one takes any action in it, then it's hard to care what the results are. The consequences are so extreme, but bizarrely there are no stakes in anything. No one is bothering to do anything because no one is motivated to do anything. Except for a really bizarrely shoehorned school shooting scene, that technically fits in the story, but completely feels removed from the A-line plot and throws the pace of the third act off entirely. Stuff just happens.
Literally, the only thing I cared about in the whole book what the mystery of his wife established in the beginning, and it just never gets addressed.
I really wanted to like this, but the only reason why I finished it was because after giving it a shot for 100 pages, there were only 80 more to go, and I was hoping it would do something fun. But I just found it to be contrived and unskilled, especially in light of so many other amazing contemporary indie horror writers out there.
keary's review
3.0
Very Lovecraftian. Interesting use of visual inspiring words which carry you along witht he emotions of the character. Worth a read.
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