Scan barcode
sarah42783's review
5.0
AVAILABLE TODAY! ONLY 99¢! BUY IT! BUY IT! BUY IT!
» Review for [b:The Heartstone Thief|33854949|The Heartstone Thief|Pippa DaCosta|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1484388748s/33854949.jpg|54800772] by Pippa DaCosta «
Actual rating: 15 stars. More or less.
Note to self: no fangirling. No fangirling. No fangirling.
Ooops.
So. As you might have heard through the shrimpvine, I didn't like this book at all. But being the kind-hearted soul that I am, I am going to pretend I slightly loved it. Because Pippa DaCosta, despite completely lacking talent in the writing department, is kinda sorta nice. So I figure I kind of owe it to her to give one of her books a high rating for once. Besides, being charitable once in a while is probably good for my subaquatic karma. One fakenews fangirling review coming right up!
Okay, you know what this book reminded me of? The prehistoric adventure movies I used to watch, back in the days when I was a baby shrimp. You know, those Movies of the Gloriously Glorious Posters with Inbuilt Exclamation Marks (MotGGPwIEM™)?
If you've never heard of this movie and/or have no shrimping idea who the hot dude on the poster is, you deserve to die. Just so you know.
Action! Adventure! Excitement! Romance! Dashing hero! Feisty heroine! This is what this book is about! Only that this is Pippa DaCosta! Which means that the dashing hero is a deliciously sneaky thieving rascal/anti hero with a slightly screwed up past and enough demons in his yummy little head to fill a couple of levels of Hell! And the feisty heroine is ascrumptiously somewhat bipolar non-princess/assassin/sorceress/who-the-fish-knows with homicidal maniac tendencies! Who likes to cut cut cut and slice slice slice through everyone her enemies! And then there's magical stuff! And supremely sexy delectably embedded gems! And yucky, villainous villains! And daggers! And whorehouses and devious almost everyone and ancient ruins and relics and antique beasts rawrrrr and not-so-good-non-doggies and trepidation and intrigue and great banter and twists and no HEA and no HEA! And stuff! And it's all pretty marvelicious! And I think I've caught the Deadly Exclamation Mark Disease (DEMD™)! Must be an effect of my NOT unleashing my inner hysterical teenage fangirl! I'm not sure I can stop! Please someone! Anyone! Do something! Now! Come on, my Little Barnacles! Call 1-800-Save-My-Dark-Exoskeleton-Clad-Overlord or something!
[A message from Goodreads Support]
We are very sorry to interrupt this most fascinating non-review in such a shameful manner, but the nefarious breeder of all things shrimpy known as Sarah is momentarily indisposed. She unexpectedly went into cardiac arrest for some unknown reason named Pippa DaCosta. She is currently being brought back to life by one of hersex slaves harem guests, and should be back shortly. You're welcome.
[End of message from Goodreads Support]
So, where was I? Oh yes, the moderately awesome MCsWhat? That's not where I was? Oh cut me some slack, will you, I just resuscitated about 10 seconds ago . First, let's get something out of the way real quick: delicious sneaky slightly screwed up thief of a dashing non-hero = Curtis = Poof! Gone! Harem! So glad we cleared that up. So. MY Curtis, aka "Thief." YUM. Curtis is disgustingly youngish. And he awakens the cougar in me in the most beautifully wicked, evil way. YUM. I am pretty sure what I feel for him is superbly illegal in some countries. YUM. Our Shrimpy Lord knows my Yummy Thief can be exquisitely exasperatingly harebrained sometimes, and that he has a delightful knack for ruining the mostest perfectest of moments, but I am afraid it cannot be helped, I am in luuuuuurrrrve.
Now for our utmostly appetizingsomewhat bipolar homicidal freak of a feisty lovely heroine. First, let's get something out of the way real quick: Her Batshit Crazy Princessness/Haughtishness/Cutthroatishness = Shaianna = Poof! Gone! Harem! So glad we cleared that up. So. MY Shaianna. So enchantingly slaughterish. So charmingly enigmatic. So endearingly sorcerish. So adorably cryptic. So rapturously murderous mysterious. So ineffably ineffable. So gorgeously spoiler spoiler spoiler spoiler. And so incredibly spoiler spoiler spoiler, too. I am SO in luuuuuurrrrve.
Sorry, what? You want to know about the story? Why of course, my Tiny Arthropods, of course. Let's see, the story starts out as a most excitingly awesome adventure, complete with, you know, most excitingly awesome adventurous (if slightly magical and mortiferous and otherworldly and lethal) stuff. And then it evolves into a oh-wow-spoiler-spoiler-spoiler-bloody-shrimping-hell-spoiler-spoiler-spoiler-you-have-got-to-be-shrimping-me spoiler-spoiler-spoiler Roller Coaster Ordeal of An Adventure A La Pippa DaCosta (RCOoaAALPDC™). Which loosely translates to: hold on to your knickers, my Lovely Decapods, this ain't no fluffy stroll in the park with the Care Bearsof doom and destruction!
Non Hysterical Teenage Fangirling Mission (NHTFM™) accomplished. I rest my case. Temporarily.
» And the moral of this I Wish I Could Tell You More about this Book but Spoiler Spoiler Spoiler Plus I'm Getting a Bit Ravenous And Need to Go Slaughter Things Crappy Non Fangirling Review (IWICTYMatBbSSSPIGaBRANtGSTCNFR™) is: hellish bloody shrimp, Pippa DaCosta, is there anything you cannot write?! Fantasy, UF, SF, non-despicable NA about the silly fae...Next thing you know you'll have me raving like a lunatic maniac about a non stupidly stupid Historical Romance! And that would be pretty disgusting, if you ask me.
P.S. There is a slight possibility that this might possibly be the start of a new series. Maybe. Perhaps. That's what my nefarious pinky toe told me, anyway.
P.P.S. Rawwwrrrr, I tell you!!!!! Rawwwrrrr!!!!
DUH.
ARC kindly provided by the author in exchange for an honest review.
[January 2017]
A pathetically insignificant anthology featuring an even more pathetically insignificant Pippa DaCostais a Goddess standalone Fantasy story? Am I interested? Please don't be ridiculous, my Little Barnacles, I really couldn't care less.
P.S. Welcome to the zoo.
P.P.S. The pathetically insignificant Pippa DaCostais a Goddess story featured in this pathetically insignificant anthology is [b:The Heartstone Thief|33854949|The Heartstone Thief|Pippa DaCosta|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1484388748s/33854949.jpg|54800772]. De nada.
P.P.P.S.S.S.
DUH.
» Review for [b:The Heartstone Thief|33854949|The Heartstone Thief|Pippa DaCosta|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1484388748s/33854949.jpg|54800772] by Pippa DaCosta «
Actual rating: 15 stars. More or less.
Note to self: no fangirling. No fangirling. No fangirling.
Ooops.
So. As you might have heard through the shrimpvine, I didn't like this book at all. But being the kind-hearted soul that I am, I am going to pretend I slightly loved it. Because Pippa DaCosta, despite completely lacking talent in the writing department, is kinda sorta nice. So I figure I kind of owe it to her to give one of her books a high rating for once. Besides, being charitable once in a while is probably good for my subaquatic karma. One fake
Okay, you know what this book reminded me of? The prehistoric adventure movies I used to watch, back in the days when I was a baby shrimp. You know, those Movies of the Gloriously Glorious Posters with Inbuilt Exclamation Marks (MotGGPwIEM™)?
If you've never heard of this movie and/or have no shrimping idea who the hot dude on the poster is, you deserve to die. Just so you know.
Action! Adventure! Excitement! Romance! Dashing hero! Feisty heroine! This is what this book is about! Only that this is Pippa DaCosta! Which means that the dashing hero is a deliciously sneaky thieving rascal/anti hero with a slightly screwed up past and enough demons in his yummy little head to fill a couple of levels of Hell! And the feisty heroine is a
[A message from Goodreads Support]
We are very sorry to interrupt this most fascinating non-review in such a shameful manner, but the nefarious breeder of all things shrimpy known as Sarah is momentarily indisposed. She unexpectedly went into cardiac arrest for some unknown reason named Pippa DaCosta. She is currently being brought back to life by one of her
[End of message from Goodreads Support]
So, where was I? Oh yes, the moderately awesome MCs
Now for our utmostly appetizing
Sorry, what? You want to know about the story? Why of course, my Tiny Arthropods, of course. Let's see, the story starts out as a most excitingly awesome adventure, complete with, you know, most excitingly awesome adventurous (if slightly magical and mortiferous and otherworldly and lethal) stuff. And then it evolves into a oh-wow-spoiler-spoiler-spoiler-bloody-shrimping-hell-spoiler-spoiler-spoiler-you-have-got-to-be-shrimping-me spoiler-spoiler-spoiler Roller Coaster Ordeal of An Adventure A La Pippa DaCosta (RCOoaAALPDC™). Which loosely translates to: hold on to your knickers, my Lovely Decapods, this ain't no fluffy stroll in the park with the Care Bears
Non Hysterical Teenage Fangirling Mission (NHTFM™) accomplished. I rest my case. Temporarily.
» And the moral of this I Wish I Could Tell You More about this Book but Spoiler Spoiler Spoiler Plus I'm Getting a Bit Ravenous And Need to Go Slaughter Things Crappy Non Fangirling Review (IWICTYMatBbSSSPIGaBRANtGSTCNFR™) is: hellish bloody shrimp, Pippa DaCosta, is there anything you cannot write?! Fantasy, UF, SF, non-despicable NA about the silly fae...Next thing you know you'll have me raving like a lunatic maniac about a non stupidly stupid Historical Romance! And that would be pretty disgusting, if you ask me.
P.S. There is a slight possibility that this might possibly be the start of a new series. Maybe. Perhaps. That's what my nefarious pinky toe told me, anyway.
P.P.S. Rawwwrrrr, I tell you!!!!! Rawwwrrrr!!!!
DUH.
ARC kindly provided by the author in exchange for an honest review.
[January 2017]
A pathetically insignificant anthology featuring an even more pathetically insignificant Pippa DaCosta
P.S. Welcome to the zoo.
P.P.S. The pathetically insignificant Pippa DaCosta
P.P.P.S.S.S.
DUH.
More...