dyslexicilliterateperson's review against another edition
Wasn’t for my generation I suppose and therefore was outdated to ky experience
valouis13's review against another edition
3.0
I appreciated the context of the book. I also resonated with much of it. However, it’s target feels very narrow - glossing over lots of race, class issues though she does speak to this narrowing at the beginning. I also felt like she really didn’t address the no support feeling much other than fine support. I think it’s worth the read for the comets but also keeping in mind it’s flawed. I think it could have been longer with a bit more depth could’ve been helpful to overcome its shortcomings
theshaggyshepherd's review against another edition
4.0
Why We Can't Sleep // by Ada Calhoun
Despite being younger than the target audience or the topic of her research, I still am glad to have read this book. Ada Calhoun, herself in the middle of a mid-life crisis when she first started writing this book, wrote about the many reasons that keep a lot of Gen X women up at night: finances, relationships, employment, children, parents, health, etc. While I don't have to worry about some of those things myself yet, the writing style still made me feel like she was talking to me anyways, helping me understand members of my family, my friends, coworkers, and acquaintances. While I don't generally fact check sources in books like this (there are just too many books for me to read to spend time on that) and therefore can't speak on the validity of her claims, many things do seem to make more sense to me now and I feel a little less apprehensive about reaching that age than I did before (hah). Her research once again shows though how much more focus there is on men's health and well-being, not that I am surprised by that in any way. I really liked that she tried to refrain from giving advice as much as possible but rather presented ways that helped her or a friend as examples on how to find your own way through those struggles.
Thank you to the author, publisher, and NetGalley for providing me with a free copy in exchange for an honest review.
Despite being younger than the target audience or the topic of her research, I still am glad to have read this book. Ada Calhoun, herself in the middle of a mid-life crisis when she first started writing this book, wrote about the many reasons that keep a lot of Gen X women up at night: finances, relationships, employment, children, parents, health, etc. While I don't have to worry about some of those things myself yet, the writing style still made me feel like she was talking to me anyways, helping me understand members of my family, my friends, coworkers, and acquaintances. While I don't generally fact check sources in books like this (there are just too many books for me to read to spend time on that) and therefore can't speak on the validity of her claims, many things do seem to make more sense to me now and I feel a little less apprehensive about reaching that age than I did before (hah). Her research once again shows though how much more focus there is on men's health and well-being, not that I am surprised by that in any way. I really liked that she tried to refrain from giving advice as much as possible but rather presented ways that helped her or a friend as examples on how to find your own way through those struggles.
Thank you to the author, publisher, and NetGalley for providing me with a free copy in exchange for an honest review.
elinacre's review against another edition
4.0
Torn (still) between feeling guilty for thinking my life is hard sometimes, and incredibly relieved that others like me feel that way too. Lots of great quotes in here, regardless of how I feel about the book as a whole.
As a mom, to my kids: "Whatever you want to make you happy, that's all I want for you: to be healthy and happy." (p31)
As a person who wishes she were brave enough to choose the more adventurous path sometimes: "...[it's] wonderful to have choices that our mothers didn't have, but choices don't make life easier. Possibilities create pressure." (p31)
As a quiet person who often feels like she's forgotten how to converse: "She feels invisible, but she doesn't talk about it a lot because she doesn't want to be seen as an ingrate." (p53)
As someone who kinda thought it might get better in the next decade: "Nobody, when you're forty-five, is telling you you're awesome. Nobody. Your kids aren't going to say thank you and validate you and appreciate you." (p59)
As a working parent who has missed out on more weekday evenings and bedtimes than she can think about: "Since our own childhoods, the time parents spend caring for their children's basic needs has risen dramatically. [In] 1965 mothers spent 9 hours a week on paid work and ten hours on childcare. In 2016, mothers spent twenty-five hours on paid work at fourteen on child care. Something has to give, and it's usually women's leisure time or sleep. Even so, of mothers with full-time jobs, 43 percent still lament spending too little time with their children." (p70-71)
As someone who's still working on self-care: "You know how to do this already: love when it's difficult. It's a superpower. You just need to use it for yourself, too." (p88).
As a mom, to my kids: "Whatever you want to make you happy, that's all I want for you: to be healthy and happy." (p31)
As a person who wishes she were brave enough to choose the more adventurous path sometimes: "...[it's] wonderful to have choices that our mothers didn't have, but choices don't make life easier. Possibilities create pressure." (p31)
As a quiet person who often feels like she's forgotten how to converse: "She feels invisible, but she doesn't talk about it a lot because she doesn't want to be seen as an ingrate." (p53)
As someone who kinda thought it might get better in the next decade: "Nobody, when you're forty-five, is telling you you're awesome. Nobody. Your kids aren't going to say thank you and validate you and appreciate you." (p59)
As a working parent who has missed out on more weekday evenings and bedtimes than she can think about: "Since our own childhoods, the time parents spend caring for their children's basic needs has risen dramatically. [In] 1965 mothers spent 9 hours a week on paid work and ten hours on childcare. In 2016, mothers spent twenty-five hours on paid work at fourteen on child care. Something has to give, and it's usually women's leisure time or sleep. Even so, of mothers with full-time jobs, 43 percent still lament spending too little time with their children." (p70-71)
As someone who's still working on self-care: "You know how to do this already: love when it's difficult. It's a superpower. You just need to use it for yourself, too." (p88).
siobst's review against another edition
5.0
I so very much enjoyed this book. While most of the book was spent explaining why Gen X women are experiencing mid-life crises, there was something reassuring about feeling like I'm not alone in the challenges of this life stage. And even though her proposed solutions at the end were simple and brief, I think there was some merit to them. In my opinion, this is a must-read for all Gen X women.
bak8382's review against another edition
4.0
This book is aimed at Generation X women, and as I'm only a couple of years younger than the youngest of that generation, making me an old millennial, there was still a lot here that I could relate to. There was the stark reminder that Generation X was the last to finish college without social media and all the pressure that comes with it. I graduated the same year that Facebook was invented and I think that's why I've never used it, if I was still in college when it was introduced I would have been all over it. There's a lot of uncertainty and anxiety in this time of women's lives and Calhoun covers a lot of that while also bringing some hope for the future. This was published in early 2020 before the pandemic really took hold in the US, and I wish the book could be updated to discuss that as well.
connieaw's review against another edition
4.0
This book is for all of my GEN X friends. Especially the 76% of you that aren't stay-at-home moms.
katieoyama's review
1.0
Honestly thought about not finishing the book, but mercifully a ton of the pages were citations. While I understand this is focused on a specific generation, this book fell far short of my expectations. It’s mostly anecdotal stories from a small sample size that don’t focus on how stresses of middle age/generational struggles impact sleep. Instead, it reads like an essay on why married, upper-middle class, cis, white, middle aged women deserve to be the most miserable. The author note says she spoke to a diverse pool of 200 women for the book, but there’s very little intersectionality addressed. There’s not even mention of pay disparity based on race in the chapter on the gender wage gap.
stevensabby's review against another edition
5.0
I. Feel. Seen.
I have never felt like I “belonged” to GenX, even though my birth year says I do. But this book helped me to see myself in light of the cultural atmosphere into which I was born and raised. I never knew how *normal* my experience of my life is/has been—particularly as I have entered my 40s.
I also found myself scribbling the names of my friends in the margins, seeing so many reflections of the struggles we share with each other: care-giving, financial insecurity, the “angles and filters” necessary for social media, hormonal changes, fears for which we can find no rational basis. Except, as Calhoun so beautifully articulates, there IS a rational basis. We are not wrong: our lives (while also, often, deeply privileged) are wildly difficult in ways the generations before and after us do not experience.
If you are a woman, particularly a GenX woman in or approaching your 40s/50s, I cannot recommend this book enough.
I have never felt like I “belonged” to GenX, even though my birth year says I do. But this book helped me to see myself in light of the cultural atmosphere into which I was born and raised. I never knew how *normal* my experience of my life is/has been—particularly as I have entered my 40s.
I also found myself scribbling the names of my friends in the margins, seeing so many reflections of the struggles we share with each other: care-giving, financial insecurity, the “angles and filters” necessary for social media, hormonal changes, fears for which we can find no rational basis. Except, as Calhoun so beautifully articulates, there IS a rational basis. We are not wrong: our lives (while also, often, deeply privileged) are wildly difficult in ways the generations before and after us do not experience.
If you are a woman, particularly a GenX woman in or approaching your 40s/50s, I cannot recommend this book enough.