cozylittlebrownhouse's review against another edition
5.0
I really enjoyed this very personal memoir about one couple's desire to have a baby in their later years, and the many obstacles they faced along the way. The book was not only informative, but also interesting and very raw. My heart ached for Peggy and Steven thoughout the entire process.
I wish she had included a family photo in the book.
I wish she had included a family photo in the book.
abigailbat's review against another edition
4.0
Peggy Orenstein's quest for motherhood almost destroyed her marriage and led her to extreme measures she never would have believed she would go to. Peggy is a likeable, relatable narrator, even in the parts where she goes a bit off the deep end. She's definitely not afraid to share all now and I'm sure that this is a story many women can relate to. I enjoyed reading Peggy's story even though I'm not a mom nor trying to be at this point. The memoir also pointed out some interesting differences between American and Japanese sensibilities towards abortion, miscarriage, and infertility.
Recommended for fans of memoirs, particularly anyone with an interest in infertility or women's stories.
Recommended for fans of memoirs, particularly anyone with an interest in infertility or women's stories.
jacybaker's review against another edition
2.0
This is a book about a woman who wants a pregnancy. Not a baby necessarily, and probably not a child, but a pregnancy. She's eventually successful. It's rather dull but I don't know I would say that it's bad.
nzoeller's review against another edition
4.0
A quick, easy read, but somewhat lacking in emotional punch. The topic is one that easily lends itself to emotional involvement, but the author seems to be two or three steps removed from the reader (and blocked by a wall)-- it's like she doesn't really want us to get inside her head. Many of the scenes are matter-of-fact, without a real sense of the impact events had on her inner life.
mangofandango's review
4.0
I like Peggy Orenstein, and even as I bristled at some of the things that came up in this book, I liked reading it.
I say I bristled - I should say also that I realize that I have never been in this position and I can see how both the emotional toll and the societal pressures surrounding infertility and parenthood could drive someone to decisions I find....problematic from over here in the land of the fertile and comfortable. So I did my best to withhold judgement. That said, I saw what Orenstein was driven to do - risk her health, her marriage, dedicating all her energy to the goal of pregnancy while still feeling conflict over the concept of parenthood - as a sign that we have a toxic culture surrounding fertility and pregnancy, and that something needs to change. Fertility doctors who can take advantage of patients in desperate positions, for example, seem to be a major problem based on this text and on the experiences of people that I know. The industry behind this is huge and powerful and causes harm even as it helps some people. So...what I'm getting at is that I tried to look at this individual story from a wider lens than just Peggy Orenstein's choices and behavior.
Despite worrying for her as I read, I do like her writing and I respect her exploration of the life experiences of women and girls and how our culture impacts them. This book was another example of that. I really liked the parts about the Japanese culture surrounding pregnancy loss and abortion, also - there was a lot there that I didn't know and that I appreciated learning and thinking about. I found this book very readable and read it in two days. I definitely recommend it to anyone interested in women's health, or anyone struggling with infertility.
I say I bristled - I should say also that I realize that I have never been in this position and I can see how both the emotional toll and the societal pressures surrounding infertility and parenthood could drive someone to decisions I find....problematic from over here in the land of the fertile and comfortable. So I did my best to withhold judgement. That said, I saw what Orenstein was driven to do - risk her health, her marriage, dedicating all her energy to the goal of pregnancy while still feeling conflict over the concept of parenthood - as a sign that we have a toxic culture surrounding fertility and pregnancy, and that something needs to change. Fertility doctors who can take advantage of patients in desperate positions, for example, seem to be a major problem based on this text and on the experiences of people that I know. The industry behind this is huge and powerful and causes harm even as it helps some people. So...what I'm getting at is that I tried to look at this individual story from a wider lens than just Peggy Orenstein's choices and behavior.
Despite worrying for her as I read, I do like her writing and I respect her exploration of the life experiences of women and girls and how our culture impacts them. This book was another example of that. I really liked the parts about the Japanese culture surrounding pregnancy loss and abortion, also - there was a lot there that I didn't know and that I appreciated learning and thinking about. I found this book very readable and read it in two days. I definitely recommend it to anyone interested in women's health, or anyone struggling with infertility.
maraudererin's review
4.0
Well, I started reading this book yesterday, and I finished it today. That should tell you something.
Peggy Orenstein does a fabulous job of putting you inside the mind of someone who is struggling with infertility. I highly recommend that you read this if you are struggling with infertility, or you know someone who is. (And, if you're reading this review, you know someone who is, so go read this book!)
Peggy Orenstein does a fabulous job of putting you inside the mind of someone who is struggling with infertility. I highly recommend that you read this if you are struggling with infertility, or you know someone who is. (And, if you're reading this review, you know someone who is, so go read this book!)
beckyreadsitall's review
5.0
This book was transformative.
It wasn't about being in the same situation as the author (there are definitely differences between our stories), but more about feeling validated. I had so many yes moments - moments that I put down my kindle and smile because this writer got it. She understood the frustration, and the longing, and the desperation, and the sorrow of wanting to have a baby, because she had lived it.
I marked a lot of quotes from this book - but let me share with you a few of my favorites.
The ones that made me nod my head in agreement:
"Later I would remember that moment as the first time that I was ready but my body said no. You can't believe it, not in this age when we control so much of our own destinies."
(The author talks a lot about the "Two Questions" you ask yourself when your hear suggestions about how to get pregnant - from a doctor, from friends, etc.) "What if this worked? What if it was the only way we could have a baby?"
"I think you can feel the loss of something you've never had, or at least a phantom longing for it."
The quotes that made me cringe a little because I've thought them:
"Here I was instead, defined by my longing for a child, by my inability to become a mother."
"This had to be my fault, didn't it? My education, my social status, the era in which I lived, had all taught me I could be anything I wanted to be, do anything I wanted to do, be mistress of my fate. Wasn't the corollary, then, that I also caused my own misfortune?"
The ones where I clenched my teeth because it may not be pretty but there is truth in them:
"Without form, there is no content. So even in this era of compulsive confession, women don't speak openly of their losses. It was only now that I'd become one of them, that I'd begun to hear the stories, spoken in confidence, almost whispered. There were so many."
"Why are potential adoptive parents - most of whom have already struggled for years to conceive - subject to such intense scrutiny when most people become parents because the condom breaks?"
The one that made me cry:
"But there were so many thing I couldn't know. Maybe learning to live with the question marks - recognizing that closure does not always occur - was all I could do, at least for now."
It was exactly what I needed to read, when I read it. It validated feelings I thought were insignificant. This book. I just...don't have words.
It wasn't about being in the same situation as the author (there are definitely differences between our stories), but more about feeling validated. I had so many yes moments - moments that I put down my kindle and smile because this writer got it. She understood the frustration, and the longing, and the desperation, and the sorrow of wanting to have a baby, because she had lived it.
I marked a lot of quotes from this book - but let me share with you a few of my favorites.
The ones that made me nod my head in agreement:
"Later I would remember that moment as the first time that I was ready but my body said no. You can't believe it, not in this age when we control so much of our own destinies."
(The author talks a lot about the "Two Questions" you ask yourself when your hear suggestions about how to get pregnant - from a doctor, from friends, etc.) "What if this worked? What if it was the only way we could have a baby?"
"I think you can feel the loss of something you've never had, or at least a phantom longing for it."
The quotes that made me cringe a little because I've thought them:
"Here I was instead, defined by my longing for a child, by my inability to become a mother."
"This had to be my fault, didn't it? My education, my social status, the era in which I lived, had all taught me I could be anything I wanted to be, do anything I wanted to do, be mistress of my fate. Wasn't the corollary, then, that I also caused my own misfortune?"
The ones where I clenched my teeth because it may not be pretty but there is truth in them:
"Without form, there is no content. So even in this era of compulsive confession, women don't speak openly of their losses. It was only now that I'd become one of them, that I'd begun to hear the stories, spoken in confidence, almost whispered. There were so many."
"Why are potential adoptive parents - most of whom have already struggled for years to conceive - subject to such intense scrutiny when most people become parents because the condom breaks?"
The one that made me cry:
"But there were so many thing I couldn't know. Maybe learning to live with the question marks - recognizing that closure does not always occur - was all I could do, at least for now."
It was exactly what I needed to read, when I read it. It validated feelings I thought were insignificant. This book. I just...don't have words.