kellylynnthomas's review
1.0
I happened upon a copy of this book after the author did an event in my city, and the cover was so baffling I HAD to read it. I was raised Evangelical, and this is exactly the kind of book I'd often find in the church library. Only with more sex.
First, the cover:
That Jesus hung up on that cross? It's the author. No, it's literally the author.
Now, the plot. This is a book about a Christian rock star who is becoming insanely famous! Whoo! (Also, his name is Francis. Hey, I see what you did there, Frank...) . Well, of course, being a famous rock star, sexy ladies just can't keep their hands off of Francis! So he diddles like three of them. The sex scenes are... pretty short, and pretty bland. Definitely not a turn on, despite the book's back cover claim that it will arouse you!
Anyway, Francis tries to confess his sins to his wife, who is driving. So of course she drives off the road an loses her memory! Then Francis tries to hide his affairs, only she gets her memory back in the end and kicks him to the curb. Then he's so sad!
So he goes to a cave? For some reason? And prays to Jesus, who speaks back and then makes the cave all glowy! And forgives Francis! Yay!
But Francis's wife is still not having him back, which makes him sad. It's okay though, because he leaves seats open for his wife and the kids at his next concert and invites them. And at the end of the show, his kid's stuffed octopus is in one of the seats. Hope is restored! Hallelujah! The end.
Ugh, gag. I will give this guy props for having a good copy editor--I didn't see any typos or awful grammatical errors anywhere, but holy exposition dialogue, Batman! Every line of dialogue is at least three sentences and contains Vital! Information!... or something. The writing is clunky, inelegant, and disgustingly self-indulgent. The female characters exist only as a foil to Francis, who is obviously Frank's fantasy self. The story and characters are so cliche it hurts.
Honestly, aside from the cover, there's not much in this book to even make it stand out from all the other hoards of weird Jesus-themed self-indulgent fantasy fiction (and I'm pretty sure I read a book with this exact plot like 15 years ago when I was still Christian).
Consider this a PSA: Don't bother with this book.
First, the cover:
That Jesus hung up on that cross? It's the author. No, it's literally the author.
Now, the plot. This is a book about a Christian rock star who is becoming insanely famous! Whoo! (Also, his name is Francis. Hey, I see what you did there, Frank...) . Well, of course, being a famous rock star, sexy ladies just can't keep their hands off of Francis! So he diddles like three of them. The sex scenes are... pretty short, and pretty bland. Definitely not a turn on, despite the book's back cover claim that it will arouse you!
Anyway, Francis tries to confess his sins to his wife, who is driving. So of course she drives off the road an loses her memory! Then Francis tries to hide his affairs, only she gets her memory back in the end and kicks him to the curb. Then he's so sad!
So he goes to a cave? For some reason? And prays to Jesus, who speaks back and then makes the cave all glowy! And forgives Francis! Yay!
But Francis's wife is still not having him back, which makes him sad. It's okay though, because he leaves seats open for his wife and the kids at his next concert and invites them. And at the end of the show, his kid's stuffed octopus is in one of the seats. Hope is restored! Hallelujah! The end.
Ugh, gag. I will give this guy props for having a good copy editor--I didn't see any typos or awful grammatical errors anywhere, but holy exposition dialogue, Batman! Every line of dialogue is at least three sentences and contains Vital! Information!... or something. The writing is clunky, inelegant, and disgustingly self-indulgent. The female characters exist only as a foil to Francis, who is obviously Frank's fantasy self. The story and characters are so cliche it hurts.
Honestly, aside from the cover, there's not much in this book to even make it stand out from all the other hoards of weird Jesus-themed self-indulgent fantasy fiction (and I'm pretty sure I read a book with this exact plot like 15 years ago when I was still Christian).
Consider this a PSA: Don't bother with this book.
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