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breeisreading_'s review against another edition
challenging
dark
emotional
hopeful
reflective
sad
slow-paced
4.0
It feels odd, and almost wrong, to rate a memoir like this with a star rating, as if this book can be rated with an arbitrary system like that.
This was not easy to read, of course, and from the first page as Sebold launches straight into the night of her attack and rape, I was unsure if I could read this, unsure if I had the bravery and power in me to immerse myself in that kind of trauma.
But I am so glad I did. I cried so many times reading this book, but Sebold writes so well, allowing us full access into her thoughts, feelings and emotions, while also giving us the cold, hard facts, and entwining both of these things together, that it was hard to pull away from this. I have been reading this book for the past 4 days, and every moment I wasn’t reading this book, I was thinking of it. I feel like I know Sebold now, like an old friend almost, speaking so candidly and openly about her life and her time in college.
This book is ultimately about her rape and its consequences and how it definitively changed her life, but it expands on her life in college, her relationships with her family, her friends, boyfriends, her interests, her jobs, her studies, and all of the many nuanced people she meets along the way.
It offers a brilliant insight into the American judicial system which was fascinating, especially the long chapter about midway through which detailed the trial and the court proceedings. It ruminates on patriarchy, race, gender, sexuality and double standards.
Definitely a book I will be thinking about for a very long time.
This was not easy to read, of course, and from the first page as Sebold launches straight into the night of her attack and rape, I was unsure if I could read this, unsure if I had the bravery and power in me to immerse myself in that kind of trauma.
But I am so glad I did. I cried so many times reading this book, but Sebold writes so well, allowing us full access into her thoughts, feelings and emotions, while also giving us the cold, hard facts, and entwining both of these things together, that it was hard to pull away from this. I have been reading this book for the past 4 days, and every moment I wasn’t reading this book, I was thinking of it. I feel like I know Sebold now, like an old friend almost, speaking so candidly and openly about her life and her time in college.
This book is ultimately about her rape and its consequences and how it definitively changed her life, but it expands on her life in college, her relationships with her family, her friends, boyfriends, her interests, her jobs, her studies, and all of the many nuanced people she meets along the way.
It offers a brilliant insight into the American judicial system which was fascinating, especially the long chapter about midway through which detailed the trial and the court proceedings. It ruminates on patriarchy, race, gender, sexuality and double standards.
Definitely a book I will be thinking about for a very long time.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Drug use, Mental illness, Misogyny, Panic attacks/disorders, Physical abuse, Rape, Sexism, Sexual assault, Sexual violence, Blood, Medical trauma, Suicide attempt, and Injury/Injury detail
james1star's review against another edition
challenging
dark
emotional
informative
reflective
sad
tense
medium-paced
3.5
TW: this book contains graphic descriptions of rape and sexual assault. Additionally, racism, misogyny, drug use, alcoholism, mental illness and other possible triggers are mentioned/alluded to.
It is so difficult to write a review for this book. It was an extremely difficult read - making me feel intense mental and physical emotions. From the get-go, Alice’s graphic retelling of her rape is not for the faint hearted but I do appreciate her matter of fact and ‘telling it like it is’ approach which continues throughout the book. Albeit hard to read and quite sickening in parts, I do feel it is worth reading. Her rape, her story and life is worth telling and we should always listen to those who have lived through such a traumatic event. It is sadly the case that rape victim’s stories of their experience is too often ignored, not believed, not taken seriously, not taken further, not given the full force of the law that it deserves and so it brings up the point of discussion that a whole rejigging of the police system and law enforcement needs to occur to drive it home that victims matter, their stories matter and rape needs to be a thing banished to history.
Coming back to the book (I will touch on the trial effects later), it is written very well. Alice paints a very vivid image in your mind as to what is being described and brings out intense emotions in the reader. This is very well done and the memoir does flow well. You are gripped and want to read on. If it was a piece of fiction I personally would have ended it after chapter 12, this seems like a good ending - you have accompanied Alice through an extremely difficult event, it’s affect on her and her relationships with friends and family, her studies and future, you have felt her emotions in the poem (my personal highlight - the anger and revenge portrayed speaks volumes “I need the blood of your hide
on my hands. I want to kill you with boots and guns and glass.
I want to fuck you with knives. Come to me, Come to me, Come die and lie, beside me.” Is a snippet) and have been through the trial with her, all the questioning and tension she is feeling but perfect professionalism (and bit of one-upping her opponent in parts) despite being so young, she gets the outcome we all wanted, shows signs of recovery and starting to get her life back. But… it’s not fiction, it’s her memoir and the events in the last chapter and aftermath (slightly glossed over and rushed in my opinion) did happen and as horrifying as they are, are part of her story which needed to be shared.
As a book alone, I believe it is really well written and flows great - the topic is obviously not pleasant but it is gripping, emotive and you do want to read on. Now that being said, the fact that the man accused and jailed for her rape was innocent makes it very hard to fully comprehend this book. On this matter, Alice clearly has PTSD from the rape and it’s brutality affected her in profound ways. I would like to believe she wasn’t lying and accusing the man for the sake of it, she did believe him to be the man who raped her and whom she saw on the street in the fall of that same year. The police system are at larger fault with dependance on the hair testing (later considered unreliable) and how they may have just thought he was the same person the officer had seen when Alice did. I am not downplaying the horrific and unjust fact that an innocent man lost 16 years of his life spent in prison and other long term impacts on relationships, employment and so on but reviewers flat out saying Alice lied I believe to be wrong. I believe, not know. She did, in my opinion, have certainty that that was the same man who raped her, who she saw again on the street and who was on trial, the fact it wasn’t is due to her PTSD and probable other mental health issues.
To end this very hard review, a quote quite early on in the book really stuck with me:
“The cosmetics of rape are central to proving any case. So far, in appearance, I was two for two: I wore loose, unenticing clothes; I had clearly been beaten. Add this to my virginity, and you will begin to understand much of what matters inside the courtroom.”
This was her take on a rape that occurred in 1981, wrote about in 1999 but sadly remains true in 2022. Too often the ‘cosmetics of rape’ are focused on when in reality it doesn’t matter. A rape doesn’t occur because of anything other then a rapist committed a rape - doesn’t matter to who, what they were wearing, if they were drunk or high, what their gender, sexuality, age or anything. Never blame the victim.
Another quote, this from the trial section follows:
“I will seething. I had gotten my energy back because what my clothes had to do with why or how I was raped seemed obvious: nothing.”
Exactly that.
It is so difficult to write a review for this book. It was an extremely difficult read - making me feel intense mental and physical emotions. From the get-go, Alice’s graphic retelling of her rape is not for the faint hearted but I do appreciate her matter of fact and ‘telling it like it is’ approach which continues throughout the book. Albeit hard to read and quite sickening in parts, I do feel it is worth reading. Her rape, her story and life is worth telling and we should always listen to those who have lived through such a traumatic event. It is sadly the case that rape victim’s stories of their experience is too often ignored, not believed, not taken seriously, not taken further, not given the full force of the law that it deserves and so it brings up the point of discussion that a whole rejigging of the police system and law enforcement needs to occur to drive it home that victims matter, their stories matter and rape needs to be a thing banished to history.
Coming back to the book (I will touch on the trial effects later), it is written very well. Alice paints a very vivid image in your mind as to what is being described and brings out intense emotions in the reader. This is very well done and the memoir does flow well. You are gripped and want to read on. If it was a piece of fiction I personally would have ended it after chapter 12, this seems like a good ending - you have accompanied Alice through an extremely difficult event, it’s affect on her and her relationships with friends and family, her studies and future, you have felt her emotions in the poem (my personal highlight - the anger and revenge portrayed speaks volumes “I need the blood of your hide
on my hands. I want to kill you with boots and guns and glass.
I want to fuck you with knives. Come to me, Come to me, Come die and lie, beside me.” Is a snippet) and have been through the trial with her, all the questioning and tension she is feeling but perfect professionalism (and bit of one-upping her opponent in parts) despite being so young, she gets the outcome we all wanted, shows signs of recovery and starting to get her life back. But… it’s not fiction, it’s her memoir and the events in the last chapter and aftermath (slightly glossed over and rushed in my opinion) did happen and as horrifying as they are, are part of her story which needed to be shared.
As a book alone, I believe it is really well written and flows great - the topic is obviously not pleasant but it is gripping, emotive and you do want to read on. Now that being said, the fact that the man accused and jailed for her rape was innocent makes it very hard to fully comprehend this book. On this matter, Alice clearly has PTSD from the rape and it’s brutality affected her in profound ways. I would like to believe she wasn’t lying and accusing the man for the sake of it, she did believe him to be the man who raped her and whom she saw on the street in the fall of that same year. The police system are at larger fault with dependance on the hair testing (later considered unreliable) and how they may have just thought he was the same person the officer had seen when Alice did. I am not downplaying the horrific and unjust fact that an innocent man lost 16 years of his life spent in prison and other long term impacts on relationships, employment and so on but reviewers flat out saying Alice lied I believe to be wrong. I believe, not know. She did, in my opinion, have certainty that that was the same man who raped her, who she saw again on the street and who was on trial, the fact it wasn’t is due to her PTSD and probable other mental health issues.
To end this very hard review, a quote quite early on in the book really stuck with me:
“The cosmetics of rape are central to proving any case. So far, in appearance, I was two for two: I wore loose, unenticing clothes; I had clearly been beaten. Add this to my virginity, and you will begin to understand much of what matters inside the courtroom.”
This was her take on a rape that occurred in 1981, wrote about in 1999 but sadly remains true in 2022. Too often the ‘cosmetics of rape’ are focused on when in reality it doesn’t matter. A rape doesn’t occur because of anything other then a rapist committed a rape - doesn’t matter to who, what they were wearing, if they were drunk or high, what their gender, sexuality, age or anything. Never blame the victim.
Another quote, this from the trial section follows:
“I will seething. I had gotten my energy back because what my clothes had to do with why or how I was raped seemed obvious: nothing.”
Exactly that.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Physical abuse, Rape, Sexual assault, Sexual content, Sexual violence, Violence, Suicide attempt, and Injury/Injury detail
Moderate: Addiction, Alcoholism, Drug abuse, Drug use, Mental illness, Misogyny, Racism, and Blood