atippmann's review against another edition
2.0
I like to read memoirs about people who grew up in tough situations (best one by far: "Glass Castle") and this one is similar. At the beginning, I really liked the stories about his poor family, but now the main character is obsessed with fighting everyone he sees, and learning to box. I'm not so into the endless descriptions of fights, but I'll keep plugging along...
joaniemaloney's review against another edition
5.0
And I felt more like me than I ever had, as if the years I'd lived so far had formed layers of skin and muscle over myself that others saw as me when the real one had been underneath all along, and writing - even writing badly - had peeled away those layers, and I knew then that if I wanted to stay this awake and alive, if I wanted to stay me, I would have to keep writing.
One of the best memoirs I've ever read.
I can't remember how I found this book, maybe a random review of some sort, but the cover kept my attention. It's a stroke of luck since I have never read any of the author's works, and most likely wouldn't have been interested in reading about his life. Something about this story of a boy, living a life I've never known, learning to defend himself and his friends, spoke out to me.
Andre Dubus grew up facing violence in the neighbourhoods he lived in, struggling to find a way to stop hiding from the hits he would be taking from the rougher kids. With his parents divorced, his mother was mainly preoccupied with putting food on the table. Andre being the oldest son meant looking out for his siblings, which he couldn't do until he got the motivation to work out, looking up to muscle men in magazines who had bodies that were enough to intimidate without actually using their fists. Along with this new regiment came confidence, and Andre found himself becoming someone who hungered for opportunities to physically punish wrongdoings, or any reason at all to use his punches to send messages. Strong messages. Eventually it wasn't hard to figure out that this lifestyle wouldn't last long.
Lingering beneath all this is the unconscious abandonment Andre feels from his father, who has gone on to live a new life without the rest of them, starting another family while he teaches at a college. The guilt that his father feels sometimes appears, but only simmers at the surface then wafts away. There's an urge to vent, to speak of all the problems he's had to handle on his own but that, like the guilt, passes. He finds that all the anger, the impulsiveness that he feels, can be slowly whittled away by writing. Words can help him, and it's oddly poetic because his father, the elder Andre Dubus, is also a writer.
I can't say enough about all the emotions this memoir made me feel. The sense of clarity...it's honest. I found myself hoping young Andre's courage to stand up to his bullies would finally come, to stop feeling resigned and expecting crushing blows to his body every day after school, something to just keep quiet about even after he made it home. I felt the satisfaction he described when he got into his first fight and his friends looked at him with a newfound sense of respect, even though I knew it would lead to more repercussions. I wanted him to burst at the seams and yell at his father, then feel guilty because I knew words were never that easily spoken. I felt.
Now that I've finished this memoir, it's probably time to read what else the author's written. Is it possible to top this?
One of the best memoirs I've ever read.
I can't remember how I found this book, maybe a random review of some sort, but the cover kept my attention. It's a stroke of luck since I have never read any of the author's works, and most likely wouldn't have been interested in reading about his life. Something about this story of a boy, living a life I've never known, learning to defend himself and his friends, spoke out to me.
Andre Dubus grew up facing violence in the neighbourhoods he lived in, struggling to find a way to stop hiding from the hits he would be taking from the rougher kids. With his parents divorced, his mother was mainly preoccupied with putting food on the table. Andre being the oldest son meant looking out for his siblings, which he couldn't do until he got the motivation to work out, looking up to muscle men in magazines who had bodies that were enough to intimidate without actually using their fists. Along with this new regiment came confidence, and Andre found himself becoming someone who hungered for opportunities to physically punish wrongdoings, or any reason at all to use his punches to send messages. Strong messages. Eventually it wasn't hard to figure out that this lifestyle wouldn't last long.
Lingering beneath all this is the unconscious abandonment Andre feels from his father, who has gone on to live a new life without the rest of them, starting another family while he teaches at a college. The guilt that his father feels sometimes appears, but only simmers at the surface then wafts away. There's an urge to vent, to speak of all the problems he's had to handle on his own but that, like the guilt, passes. He finds that all the anger, the impulsiveness that he feels, can be slowly whittled away by writing. Words can help him, and it's oddly poetic because his father, the elder Andre Dubus, is also a writer.
I can't say enough about all the emotions this memoir made me feel. The sense of clarity...it's honest. I found myself hoping young Andre's courage to stand up to his bullies would finally come, to stop feeling resigned and expecting crushing blows to his body every day after school, something to just keep quiet about even after he made it home. I felt the satisfaction he described when he got into his first fight and his friends looked at him with a newfound sense of respect, even though I knew it would lead to more repercussions. I wanted him to burst at the seams and yell at his father, then feel guilty because I knew words were never that easily spoken. I felt.
Now that I've finished this memoir, it's probably time to read what else the author's written. Is it possible to top this?
bgg616's review against another edition
4.0
I am a New Englander by roots and lived in Massachusetts for 20 years in Boston. I am Familiar with the old mill towns, and when I was young knew some guys from the kind of background the author writes about. In the middle of the book, I was getting a bit fed up with all of the fighting, but then the author started to pull out of that life style, and try to understand himself. By the end, I found it to be a pretty profound and satisfying read about fathers,sons, poverty, creativity (father and son are writers), and violence.
corpsewhale's review against another edition
5.0
This was a really well-written book that had some very interesting things to say about violence's impact on the perpetrator's psyche. It read a bit like a novel.
karibaumann's review against another edition
I started but didn't finish it. The reviews made it sound like it was going to be a slog and normally I like to decide for myself but it didn't grab me enough to finish.
bellatora's review against another edition
1.0
I have never read any of Dubus' books, because back when he was popular I Didn't Do Tragic. His memoir got good buzz, though, so I decided to give it a try. Let's just say that I don't plan to read any of his fictional books, ever.
I feel bad for Dubus. He got a raw deal, with a father who couldn’t be bothered to spend time with his children and a mom who was too busy and exhausted to pay adequate attention to them. With the exception of his younger sister, Dubus' siblings were adrift and had problems with drugs. His naturally small size made him a bully-magnet in the rough neighborhoods he grew up in after his parents' divorce. And despite all that he was able to make something of himself and not die young and violently like so many he knew.
That doesn't mean I like his memoir, though. It commits the cardinal sin of books: it was boring. Horribly, horribly boring. Not that his life wasn't compelling. Growing up in the bad part of town led to some craziness and horror and childhood (especially one with so many siblings) is natural fodder. But Dubus' writing style made everything that should have been interesting incredibly ponderous, dull and choppy. It's even more surprising given the fact that there were so many fights that took place (Dubus bulked himself up as a teen and had a short-fuse and a childhood surrounded by violence...there were a lot of bar/street fights).But the fights were semi-random and I could never understand nor bring myself to care how they started or who they were with. Truthfully, it mostly seemed that Dubus just attacked people whenever they stepped out of line or he was feeling upset, so there wasn’t really any rhyme or reason to begin with and his writing style just muddled things.
The book was mostly chronological but sometimes wasn’t, which was confusing. There were so many people drifting in and out with no real sense of who they were that I stopped bothering to keep track. Even his own siblings never come into focus. There’s a vague sense of them: Jeb is the artsy, suicidal one; Suzanne is the classic Little Girl Lost, using drugs and sex to fill the void created by daddy issues; Nicole is the studious one, hiding in her room from the broken world and dysfunctional family she’s trapped in. But that’s just the surface and I can tell you nothing more about any of them, especially Nicole who I was most interested in (she seemed the most together of them all and I’m curious how she did it). There are giant holes in the timeline. Dubus is interested in a Persian girl and then suddenly he’s moved to Texas and no mention is made of how their relationship ended. The middle school art teacher who is sleeping with Dubus' brother Jeb (while Jeb was her student!) randomly appears and just as suddenly she’s gone from the narrative. Dubus is suddenly a parole officer (or something…)! Dubus is suddenly married! Dubus decided to go to college despite being a punk who according to the narrative had little interest in school! WHAT WAS GOING ON?!?
Also, I hated Andre Dubus senior more than I hated any other villain I've read about this year (and I've read some dark stuff). Maybe he wasn't supposed to be a villain, but I feel like he was one and I found him incredibly despicable. I probably hate him more knowing that he was real, while the other villains I've read about recently were fictional. Dubus senior was a horrible, horrible man with few redeeming qualities. He was the worst father someone could be short of being actually abusive. He was a chronic philanderer who couldn’t stop himself—and truthfully, likely never tried—from screwing his students even when he was married. He was a drunk, a man-child, a cheater. He was neglectful of those he should have loved and cared for and almost pathologically selfish. And this is even through Andre Junior’s vaguely sympathetic (though hurt) lense! Some people like senior’s writing (I will bet you I would find it boring and pretentious) and he was apparently charming and willing to help strangers, so I’ll give him that. So I guess he had some redeeming qualities, but I still find him one of the most miserable people I’ve read about this year. I wish he was fictional.
In the end, Dubus managed to reveal everything without revealing anything. He writes about painful parts of his youth that I think are brave to reveal but never gets close enough to give the reader a sense of anything. I hate to say it about a professional author, but I wish someone else had written his life story.
I feel bad for Dubus. He got a raw deal, with a father who couldn’t be bothered to spend time with his children and a mom who was too busy and exhausted to pay adequate attention to them. With the exception of his younger sister, Dubus' siblings were adrift and had problems with drugs. His naturally small size made him a bully-magnet in the rough neighborhoods he grew up in after his parents' divorce. And despite all that he was able to make something of himself and not die young and violently like so many he knew.
That doesn't mean I like his memoir, though. It commits the cardinal sin of books: it was boring. Horribly, horribly boring. Not that his life wasn't compelling. Growing up in the bad part of town led to some craziness and horror and childhood (especially one with so many siblings) is natural fodder. But Dubus' writing style made everything that should have been interesting incredibly ponderous, dull and choppy. It's even more surprising given the fact that there were so many fights that took place (Dubus bulked himself up as a teen and had a short-fuse and a childhood surrounded by violence...there were a lot of bar/street fights).But the fights were semi-random and I could never understand nor bring myself to care how they started or who they were with. Truthfully, it mostly seemed that Dubus just attacked people whenever they stepped out of line or he was feeling upset, so there wasn’t really any rhyme or reason to begin with and his writing style just muddled things.
The book was mostly chronological but sometimes wasn’t, which was confusing. There were so many people drifting in and out with no real sense of who they were that I stopped bothering to keep track. Even his own siblings never come into focus. There’s a vague sense of them: Jeb is the artsy, suicidal one; Suzanne is the classic Little Girl Lost, using drugs and sex to fill the void created by daddy issues; Nicole is the studious one, hiding in her room from the broken world and dysfunctional family she’s trapped in. But that’s just the surface and I can tell you nothing more about any of them, especially Nicole who I was most interested in (she seemed the most together of them all and I’m curious how she did it). There are giant holes in the timeline. Dubus is interested in a Persian girl and then suddenly he’s moved to Texas and no mention is made of how their relationship ended. The middle school art teacher who is sleeping with Dubus' brother Jeb (while Jeb was her student!) randomly appears and just as suddenly she’s gone from the narrative. Dubus is suddenly a parole officer (or something…)! Dubus is suddenly married! Dubus decided to go to college despite being a punk who according to the narrative had little interest in school! WHAT WAS GOING ON?!?
Also, I hated Andre Dubus senior more than I hated any other villain I've read about this year (and I've read some dark stuff). Maybe he wasn't supposed to be a villain, but I feel like he was one and I found him incredibly despicable. I probably hate him more knowing that he was real, while the other villains I've read about recently were fictional. Dubus senior was a horrible, horrible man with few redeeming qualities. He was the worst father someone could be short of being actually abusive. He was a chronic philanderer who couldn’t stop himself—and truthfully, likely never tried—from screwing his students even when he was married. He was a drunk, a man-child, a cheater. He was neglectful of those he should have loved and cared for and almost pathologically selfish. And this is even through Andre Junior’s vaguely sympathetic (though hurt) lense! Some people like senior’s writing (I will bet you I would find it boring and pretentious) and he was apparently charming and willing to help strangers, so I’ll give him that. So I guess he had some redeeming qualities, but I still find him one of the most miserable people I’ve read about this year. I wish he was fictional.
In the end, Dubus managed to reveal everything without revealing anything. He writes about painful parts of his youth that I think are brave to reveal but never gets close enough to give the reader a sense of anything. I hate to say it about a professional author, but I wish someone else had written his life story.
stitchandwitch's review against another edition
4.0
Dubus spoke directly to the writer in me. He understands the reason I write, the drive and necessity. I feel like portions of this were a little drawn out, but it was good. It made me want to read his books and his father's. So out of one book I found two new authors to read...
kikidebris's review against another edition
3.0
The author writes a compelling memoir about his father abandoning the family. What annoyed me was his pattern of blatant foreshadowing and then backtracking to explain events. As a reader, it ruins the surprise to know something bad is about to happen.
jodyjsperling's review against another edition
5.0
10 stars, please. This book sets the bar for memoir. I've rarely read something so engaging and at the same time wise. Why do these two facets seem so often opposed, and how did Dubus arrive at the perfect marriage of them? This book both humbled and inspired me.
bobbo49's review against another edition
4.0
This is a raw-edged memoir about growing up as a wimpy kid in hard-scrabble South Boston with an absentee writer father, and the serious anger and violence management issues that Dubus had to overcome as an adult. Although there were a few too many descriptions of violent encounters for my tastes, the book is very well written, and Dubus' reflections on his relationship with his father and on his own personal growth into fatherhood are both touching and profound.