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badmom's review against another edition
4.5
Graphic: Addiction, Adult/minor relationship, Alcoholism, Child abuse, Emotional abuse, Sexual content, and Toxic relationship
Moderate: Body shaming, Cancer, Chronic illness, Domestic abuse, Drug abuse, Eating disorder, Homophobia, Self harm, and Death of parent
Minor: Bullying, Medical content, Outing, and Classism
lady_moon's review
5.0
"I’m crying because for the first time I can remember, I’m present, and my emotions feel like a gift, a celebration, a reward. It’s just me, myself, and the sky."
I can believe how raw this memoir was. Colton Haynes did not shy from anything. He hid absolutely nothing. It feels almost disrespectful to try dear down this memoir by analyzing it - it has so much emotion and honesty. Colton Haynes himself comes to many ugly conclusions about his childhood and teenage years towards the end. It was brutal. I can only admire his bravery in sharing this book with the world. If half of this had happened to, I would take it to the grave with me.
I started it without having an idea what exactly I'm getting into. I didn't have any expectations. And I got so much more emotion, rawness and tears than I expected. And let me tell, the audiobook, being narrated by Colton Haynes himself, added to it. There was one or two times, as he talked about his mother's death, where his voice shook. I was crying for the last two or three chapters at this point. I'm so so glad I decided to give this a chance. I know many people pick up memoires based on that if they like the celebrity or not. I believe anyone who does or doesn't know/like/care about Colton Haynes particularly (like I was) can pick up this book and get the full experience.
Graphic: Addiction, Adult/minor relationship, Alcoholism, Child abuse, Cursing, Domestic abuse, Drug abuse, Emotional abuse, Homophobia, Mental illness, Self harm, Sexual assault, Toxic relationship, Death of parent, Alcohol, and Sexual harassment
Moderate: Body shaming, Cancer, Death, Eating disorder, Fatphobia, Incest, Pedophilia, Suicide, Blood, Medical content, Grief, and Abandonment
Minor: Terminal illness
chione23's review against another edition
5.0
I got what I expected: a heartfelt story about making it as a gay actor in an industry that told you you couldn't be and overcoming these struggles and a rough childhood.
I also got a lot of things I hadn't bargained for.
The dedication at the beginning of the book already got to me. In it, Colton tells his readers not to dream about breaking their arms to be acknowledged and cared for. He says that we all deserve love without pain.
In his prologue, he goes down memory lane very literally and figuratively. When he speaks about trying to find himself in the pieces of memories he'd collected, I recognised myself. The way he wrote reminded me a bit of Jonas Jonasson, probably because of the grotesque of it all. That is also what made me laugh out loud at some points, albeit very cynically. Mostly, the moments described in the book do take you on a journey with only small glimpses at happiness and little room for triumph when the punches come one after another. There are happy memories in it, but they do not feel nearly as far away and dreamy as you would expect from the life of a star. They feel achievable.
Haynes is very good at writing about the things he experienced both on a literal and on a metaphorical level when describing just the right parts of his surroundings. <Spoiler> I realized how invested in this story I was when I caught myself growing distrustful after being shocked by the first instance he was sexually abused and being weary of every new man introduced and their intentions. I caught myself longing for him to turn eighteen already so I could tell myself what was happening to him was somehow fine. And I longed for the coming out I knew would come and wished would give me that high that felt like it was missing.
Haynes doesn't censor himself or pull any punches. He talks about predators taking advantage of young people in the industry and also his time as a phone findom and how tantric massages felt therapeutic to him.
When he talks about how being closeted enabled him in hiding things that were actually not okay and not getting help because he was made to treat hiding being gay as something shameful and wrong and not okay anyway, it got me thinking. When he talks about coming out still not solving his problems and feeling extraterrestrial his whole life, it touched me deeply.
I caught myself longing for the breakdown he had while reading his very vivid description of a horrible time in his life and addiction. And I recalled his advice: You don't need to be in pain to deserve love. You don't need to get to his rock bottom to let yourself get better. </Spoiler>
I also caught myself learning a lot about the world of photography and fashion modeling that I had never been interested in but couldn't help but be fascinated by after hearing Haynes' descriptions of the art of photography. Sharing that passion seems to be another of his goals.
<Spoiler> When I finally had that context for how he looked returning to Arrow and that it wasn't a poor attempt to age him up but a very real struggle, when I learned he left Teen Wolf for getting paid less than his counterparts and that he left Arrow because he was depressed, and neither because he wasn't wanted anymore, I recognised that these inside scoops about these iconic TV series I had watched during my lifetime meant little to me now, I just wanted him to not miss out on his deserved success. </Spoiler>
People are calling this a confession or an apology. I don't see it. <Spoiler> It's not just the Paris trip, it's the attempt to make his sisters feel like stars, it's spending his money on others when he didn't have it or when they wouldn't ever know where it came from. I always see a good person. Yes, he was a kid fighting with his brother. Yes, he was a teenage boyfriend saying yes to a proposal and not meaning it. Yes, he got married while his mom was dying and divorced when she was dead. He never fell to the level of what others did to him, even at his lowest.
The perspective changes were a real highlight. From dancing himself to watching dancers in a strip club and wondering if he ever had their energy, being paid to dominate others and only really getting it years later on the other side. Even his envy over the other teenagers having their stage moms who dedicated so much to helping their kids achieve the dreams he had gets reflected upon when he turns into a stage mom himself for his fiancé, forcing his own dreams on him because he never got to live them and then resenting him when he does succeed and pushing him away for this reason and others.
Other moments that will stick with me for a long time are his description of wanting to protect his brother's innocence but also resenting him for it and the moment he realizes he is not desirable anymore, at his rock bottom, and feels relief. His coming out to his mother, who he felt always knew and was his strongest ally, going horribly, and their journey back together to the point where he dedicated this memoir to her.
</Spoiler>
A lot of quotes got me to read them out loud and over and over to fully comprehend them.
You need to be prepared for a quiet and thoughtful day that might have you questioning your gender, your pride, your dreams, your coming out and whether you should maybe call the people who've paved your way and watched out for you in your life.
I read Miss Memory Lane in a day. I only started crying at the very end of the acknowledgements when he thanked his cat and I somehow realized he was okay now.
Moderate: Addiction, Adult/minor relationship, Alcoholism, Body shaming, Bullying, Cancer, Child abuse, Cursing, Death, Domestic abuse, Drug abuse, Drug use, Eating disorder, Emotional abuse, Fatphobia, Homophobia, Infidelity, Mental illness, Panic attacks/disorders, Pedophilia, Physical abuse, Rape, Self harm, Sexual assault, Sexual content, Suicide, Terminal illness, Toxic relationship, Violence, Medical content, Grief, Religious bigotry, Medical trauma, Death of parent, Outing, Gaslighting, Alcohol, and Sexual harassment
greyys_libraryy's review against another edition
5.0
Graphic: Addiction, Adult/minor relationship, Alcoholism, Domestic abuse, Drug abuse, Drug use, Emotional abuse, Rape, Sexual assault, Abandonment, and Alcohol
Moderate: Body shaming, Cancer, Child abuse, Death, Eating disorder, Fatphobia, Homophobia, Mental illness, Medical content, Grief, Medical trauma, and Death of parent
Minor: Suicidal thoughts and Toxic relationship
imtonysturtle's review against another edition
4.0
Graphic: Addiction, Adult/minor relationship, Alcoholism, Domestic abuse, Drug abuse, Drug use, Emotional abuse, Pedophilia, Physical abuse, Sexual content, and Alcohol
Moderate: Bullying, Eating disorder, Mental illness, Grief, and Dysphoria
Minor: Cancer, Death, Terminal illness, Vomit, Medical content, Car accident, and Death of parent
shamelesslyash's review against another edition
5.0
I got to go to a book signing with Colton and he is the sweetest, most kind and open person. Thank you Colton for always oversharing. Never stop!
Graphic: Addiction, Alcoholism, Domestic abuse, Drug abuse, Drug use, Physical abuse, and Alcohol
Moderate: Adult/minor relationship, Child abuse, Eating disorder, Pedophilia, Sexual content, and Sexual violence
Minor: Bullying, Cancer, Homophobia, Incest, Mental illness, Medical content, and Outing
bennyholm's review against another edition
4.25
Graphic: Addiction, Adult/minor relationship, Alcoholism, Drug abuse, Drug use, Eating disorder, Emotional abuse, Incest, Panic attacks/disorders, Pedophilia, Rape, Sexual assault, Sexual content, Sexual violence, Forced institutionalization, Medical content, Grief, and Alcohol
Moderate: Body shaming, Cancer, Child abuse, Chronic illness, Domestic abuse, Panic attacks/disorders, Terminal illness, Car accident, and Acephobia/Arophobia