christinecasey's review against another edition
4.0
I didn’t quite understand how the author grouped the book into 5 themes. The themes didn’t stand out, but the stories together did. Thirty representations of diverse nonbinary experiences.
I’ve always thought gender norms were bullshit, but this book really has me thinking further about why gender binary construct has such an important role in society. So many times (in real life) I’ve thought, why? Why does it matter if one is assigned female at birth (AFAB) or AMAB? But naively I never quite considered how different the non-binary experience was from the transgender experience.
Despite hating gender norms, I am conditioned by a “check a box” society, and during these stories I found my mind wandering through the various journeys of the individuals’ transition and gender and tying it back to where they started. I think having so many stories in a row, enabled my brain to finally stop doing this and just accept the story as it unfolded; hear the author for who they were in that moment.
I learned a lot from reading these stories, and I think it puts me in a position to be a better ally when called upon.
I’ve always thought gender norms were bullshit, but this book really has me thinking further about why gender binary construct has such an important role in society. So many times (in real life) I’ve thought, why? Why does it matter if one is assigned female at birth (AFAB) or AMAB? But naively I never quite considered how different the non-binary experience was from the transgender experience.
Despite hating gender norms, I am conditioned by a “check a box” society, and during these stories I found my mind wandering through the various journeys of the individuals’ transition and gender and tying it back to where they started. I think having so many stories in a row, enabled my brain to finally stop doing this and just accept the story as it unfolded; hear the author for who they were in that moment.
I learned a lot from reading these stories, and I think it puts me in a position to be a better ally when called upon.
theshaggyshepherd's review against another edition
4.0
Nonbinary - edited by Micah Rajunov and Scott Duane is a book that is emotional, educational, heartbreaking and thought-provoking all at the same time. While I firmly believe in letting people live their lives the way they want to as long as other people are not harmed by it, I did not know much at all about having a nonbinary identity. This book really gives an insight into how harsh life outside of the binary can be but also how fulfilling it can be to find your place in the world. This book brought me to tears several times but also made me smile on several occasions. I am glad I got to take part in this learning opportunity and recommend it to anyone who wants to have an insight into the feelings and experiences of living outside of the binary.
There are 2 reasons I did not give 5 stars on this review. I wish the book was more consistent on trigger warnings - now, I'm not sure if these were given by the original authors or the editors but nevertheless, it would have been nice if it was more uniform in that sense throughout. I was also not a big fan of the experience that was told by the parent. All of the other stories were told by those that are nonbinary themselves, experiencing it all first hand, but this one was told by the parent of a nonbinary child. It did not fit in with the rest. While it would be interesting to read more experiences by parents, that should be its own book, but I think when those stories are shared, it should also say that they were shared with the child's permission. These things were very personal and it felt inappropriate to read it told by someone else.
There are 2 reasons I did not give 5 stars on this review. I wish the book was more consistent on trigger warnings - now, I'm not sure if these were given by the original authors or the editors but nevertheless, it would have been nice if it was more uniform in that sense throughout. I was also not a big fan of the experience that was told by the parent. All of the other stories were told by those that are nonbinary themselves, experiencing it all first hand, but this one was told by the parent of a nonbinary child. It did not fit in with the rest. While it would be interesting to read more experiences by parents, that should be its own book, but I think when those stories are shared, it should also say that they were shared with the child's permission. These things were very personal and it felt inappropriate to read it told by someone else.
minimicropup's review against another edition
challenging
emotional
hopeful
informative
reflective
sad
slow-paced
This collection of memoirs may be cathartic, confusing, frustrating, or informative depending on your background and perspectives going in. Each memoir is a different experience, so you're likely to find at least some that resonate or hit harder than others, and some that you disagree with. Some essays have an undertone of loss and injustice, others sarcasm and wit, and others are philosophical and explorative (plus everything in between).
This isn't a direct teaching non-fiction book, so if you are planning to read this for straightforward instructions and information on what non-binary consists of and what to "say" to someone who identifies as such, this isn't going to accomplish that. Rather, it offers up the perspectives, hopes, struggles, and meaning from many different persons with different backgrounds (including those who love a non-binary family member or partner). I enjoyed it because they do contradict each other sometimes, showing how being non-binary is a HUMAN experience, like so many other human experiences.
And I did learn from these essays, actually! I learned how complex and not "one size fits all" non-binary life is and how difficult it even is to define gender and make the world a safer place for all. The stories helped me see that I tend to overthink and worry about hurting others who are non-binary, instead of just asking, letting people be, and LISTENING, rather than trying to find the right answer before even meeting or getting to know someone. Being too eager or assumptive kinda makes it seem like a shameful thing, right?
This collection helps break stereotypes. No one group or belief system is picked on in any way and they all read as genuine. Although I don't identify as non-binary, I related to many of the experiences and hopes of the writers, so it was a connecting feeling for me, not something meant to ostracize or guilt.
P.S. Can we as a species stop being so obsessed with classifying and categorizing? Let's love a spectrum sometimes.
Format: Library Paperback
[I generally don't leave star ratings for memoirs, biographies, or true stories]
This isn't a direct teaching non-fiction book, so if you are planning to read this for straightforward instructions and information on what non-binary consists of and what to "say" to someone who identifies as such, this isn't going to accomplish that. Rather, it offers up the perspectives, hopes, struggles, and meaning from many different persons with different backgrounds (including those who love a non-binary family member or partner). I enjoyed it because they do contradict each other sometimes, showing how being non-binary is a HUMAN experience, like so many other human experiences.
And I did learn from these essays, actually! I learned how complex and not "one size fits all" non-binary life is and how difficult it even is to define gender and make the world a safer place for all. The stories helped me see that I tend to overthink and worry about hurting others who are non-binary, instead of just asking, letting people be, and LISTENING, rather than trying to find the right answer before even meeting or getting to know someone. Being too eager or assumptive kinda makes it seem like a shameful thing, right?
This collection helps break stereotypes. No one group or belief system is picked on in any way and they all read as genuine. Although I don't identify as non-binary, I related to many of the experiences and hopes of the writers, so it was a connecting feeling for me, not something meant to ostracize or guilt.
P.S. Can we as a species stop being so obsessed with classifying and categorizing? Let's love a spectrum sometimes.
Format: Library Paperback
[I generally don't leave star ratings for memoirs, biographies, or true stories]
iiisabelle's review against another edition
5.0
Chapter Notes:
One: war smoke catharsis
- Genderqueerness encompasses your life experiences. Your ambiguity. Your ability to show up in a certain role AND not be limited to that instance of showing up.
Five: my genderqueer backpack
- Genderqueerness is an accumulation of the things that define your past identity with the meaningful new resonating moments you've picked up over the years. It's not throwing away who you are but making room in your backpack for the different aspects of yourself.
Eleven: life threats
- "Femininity in all forms is still a joke in many places around the world. And, in my case, to be what the world thinks of as a 'man' who is feminine is one of the worst sins." Even in philosophy, there was not only a categorizing of women as weak, or emotional/more irrational, but uneasiness with the idea of femininity itself. Now we still only accept femininity when it serves us.
Thirteen: what am I?
- There was and still remains a fear that the experience of being a woman is being erased. This was a conflict within the trans community, which pressured trans men to present as butch lesbians or tomboys. It is interesting and sad how there can be difficulty reconciling (1) expanding the borders of acceptance and (2) preservation.
Sixteen: purple nail polish
- "My reflection in the mirror looked pretty much how I expected it to—neither particularly male nor female. It was just … neutral. The problem was other people. Strangers looked at me and saw a woman...." !!! Always having viewed yourself as different, but maybe it was just... androgynous.
Seventeen: uncharted path
- Including this story was probably for readers or parents who need to hear this perspective of a parent. I found that a lot of doubts the mother had were actually thoughts I've had about myself, so I could resonate with the narrative in this way. Perhaps including this perspective was for necessity and not cohesiveness? Maybe Bailey wasn't old enough? Was that disrespectful though? I was also kind of scared reading this one. Don't know why. The car experience was shocking, but in general, the tone of the story was just a bit familiar to me. "The details were excruciating to learn; hearing that your child doesn’t like something about themselves is never easy, but when it’s about the very body they were born into … it broke my heart." Idk but this scared me.
Twenty-Four: an outsider in my own landscape
- Media depiction of androgyny as white, slim, tomboyish, tough, double-take
- "Sometimes I just want to be a person, not my gender." (241)
Thirty: rethinking non/binary
- "When nonbinary identities are idolized as the postmodern, fashionable, or intellectual, who is left out? Imagining gender in terms of relational power reveals a need to rethink where we invest our community's resources."
One: war smoke catharsis
- Genderqueerness encompasses your life experiences. Your ambiguity. Your ability to show up in a certain role AND not be limited to that instance of showing up.
Five: my genderqueer backpack
- Genderqueerness is an accumulation of the things that define your past identity with the meaningful new resonating moments you've picked up over the years. It's not throwing away who you are but making room in your backpack for the different aspects of yourself.
Eleven: life threats
- "Femininity in all forms is still a joke in many places around the world. And, in my case, to be what the world thinks of as a 'man' who is feminine is one of the worst sins." Even in philosophy, there was not only a categorizing of women as weak, or emotional/more irrational, but uneasiness with the idea of femininity itself. Now we still only accept femininity when it serves us.
Thirteen: what am I?
- There was and still remains a fear that the experience of being a woman is being erased. This was a conflict within the trans community, which pressured trans men to present as butch lesbians or tomboys. It is interesting and sad how there can be difficulty reconciling (1) expanding the borders of acceptance and (2) preservation.
Sixteen: purple nail polish
- "My reflection in the mirror looked pretty much how I expected it to—neither particularly male nor female. It was just … neutral. The problem was other people. Strangers looked at me and saw a woman...." !!! Always having viewed yourself as different, but maybe it was just... androgynous.
Seventeen: uncharted path
- Including this story was probably for readers or parents who need to hear this perspective of a parent. I found that a lot of doubts the mother had were actually thoughts I've had about myself, so I could resonate with the narrative in this way. Perhaps including this perspective was for necessity and not cohesiveness? Maybe Bailey wasn't old enough? Was that disrespectful though? I was also kind of scared reading this one. Don't know why. The car experience was shocking, but in general, the tone of the story was just a bit familiar to me. "The details were excruciating to learn; hearing that your child doesn’t like something about themselves is never easy, but when it’s about the very body they were born into … it broke my heart." Idk but this scared me.
Twenty-Four: an outsider in my own landscape
- Media depiction of androgyny as white, slim, tomboyish, tough, double-take
- "Sometimes I just want to be a person, not my gender." (241)
Thirty: rethinking non/binary
- "When nonbinary identities are idolized as the postmodern, fashionable, or intellectual, who is left out? Imagining gender in terms of relational power reveals a need to rethink where we invest our community's resources."
gaykittens's review against another edition
3.0
There are some great pieces in here, but the book is marred by both its price point and one story submitted by parents of a nonbinary child that clearly didn't belong. I received this as an advance copy ages ago, but even though I'm the target demographic, I'll never be able to read it again because of its price. Hilarious.
simplysifiso's review against another edition
emotional
hopeful
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
4.5
scrow1022's review against another edition
4.0
Illuminating. Helpful to see how I do identify with people's stories and in how I don't. And every essay well written. Another to add to my "standards" pile.