rubyshila's review against another edition
4.0
I got some really helpful ideas from this book, but it is really heavily focused on couples with children.
sloanhepler_'s review against another edition
returned to library. waiting to get it back.
laur_saurus's review against another edition
2.0
Some good tips for splitting up responsibilities (in cis-hetero relationships), but could have been 50 pages instead of 300.
meredith_mccaskey's review against another edition
5.0
In some ways I feel like I shouldn't write a review until my husband is done reading this book and we actually try implementing the Fair Play strategy in our household. But I'm going to go ahead and give it 5 stars anyway because I felt so affirmed in reading it. In the first few chapters there were a bunch of places I underlined and at one point I even scribbled in the margin, "Thank you thank you thank you Eve!!"
Your average middle class American wife/mom (and I believe that is the specific audience that Eve is writing to) is stretched thin by carrying almost all the burden of the emotional labor in the household. They become, as Eve calls it, "the she-fault parent," the CEO of the household, the only person who knows what the schedule is, what kind of toothpaste to buy, how much toilet paper is left, what school projects are due, where the lunchboxes are (and what to put inside them), when the car registration needs to be renewed, what the week's menu is... you get the picture. And for a lot of women they are doing this on top of working part or full time. It's not that their husbands don't help– in fact that's the problem. Our society conditions men to view themselves as helpers in the running of a household, when, as Eve believes and I wholeheartedly agree, what most women want is partners.
This book is Eve's solution to that problem, a system she designed to help lay all the household cards on the table and come up with a fair solution so that couples can be true partners with each other, resentment can be banished, and both partners can reclaim space for self-care, adult friendships, and what Eve calls "unicorn space" which is time to pursue the passions and interests that make each person her/his fullest, truest self. Eve guides you through the process of (literally) laying all the cards out on the table with your partner, breaking down exactly what it takes to run your household, deciding as a couple what your values are, and collaboratively forming a system that is fair, where all expectations are on the table and both partners are set up for success.
Sound too good to be true? Maybe. What I realized while I was reading, however, is that though it sounds magical, what Eve is really doing more than anything else is teaching couples a way of communicating. My husband and I have had several discussions based on what he's read so far, and we've both admitted that a big part of the marital conflict we've had over the running of our household lies in the fact that in 8.5 years of marriage, we've never actually sat down and figured out a shared vision for what we actually want our family to look like, what our separate and collective values and goals are for our family, and how we can achieve those goals within those stated values. It feels a little embarrassing to write that, but I'm pretty sure we aren't the only married couple who drifted into a default pattern without realizing it.
So... I have high hopes. I will definitely come back and update this review, but even just the reading of it was an affirming, and hopeful experience. I felt seen, heard, and understood, and that process allowed me to let go of some of my resentment and feel excited about actually collaborating with my husband to create a household where everybody's needs are met.
Your average middle class American wife/mom (and I believe that is the specific audience that Eve is writing to) is stretched thin by carrying almost all the burden of the emotional labor in the household. They become, as Eve calls it, "the she-fault parent," the CEO of the household, the only person who knows what the schedule is, what kind of toothpaste to buy, how much toilet paper is left, what school projects are due, where the lunchboxes are (and what to put inside them), when the car registration needs to be renewed, what the week's menu is... you get the picture. And for a lot of women they are doing this on top of working part or full time. It's not that their husbands don't help– in fact that's the problem. Our society conditions men to view themselves as helpers in the running of a household, when, as Eve believes and I wholeheartedly agree, what most women want is partners.
Though some men... were taking {tasks}, they weren't holding on to them. Not without reminders. And an "attaboy" for a job completed. Ahem. A reminder, in itself, takes tremendous mental effort by you. It requires knowing what needs to be done, remembering what needs to be done, and reminding someone to get it done, whereas the person being reminded gets of easy. He doesn't have to remember a thing, nor does he worry about forgetting. And if you think about it, reminding and praising is the daily work of parenting children, not partnering with husbands.
This book is Eve's solution to that problem, a system she designed to help lay all the household cards on the table and come up with a fair solution so that couples can be true partners with each other, resentment can be banished, and both partners can reclaim space for self-care, adult friendships, and what Eve calls "unicorn space" which is time to pursue the passions and interests that make each person her/his fullest, truest self. Eve guides you through the process of (literally) laying all the cards out on the table with your partner, breaking down exactly what it takes to run your household, deciding as a couple what your values are, and collaboratively forming a system that is fair, where all expectations are on the table and both partners are set up for success.
Sound too good to be true? Maybe. What I realized while I was reading, however, is that though it sounds magical, what Eve is really doing more than anything else is teaching couples a way of communicating. My husband and I have had several discussions based on what he's read so far, and we've both admitted that a big part of the marital conflict we've had over the running of our household lies in the fact that in 8.5 years of marriage, we've never actually sat down and figured out a shared vision for what we actually want our family to look like, what our separate and collective values and goals are for our family, and how we can achieve those goals within those stated values. It feels a little embarrassing to write that, but I'm pretty sure we aren't the only married couple who drifted into a default pattern without realizing it.
So... I have high hopes. I will definitely come back and update this review, but even just the reading of it was an affirming, and hopeful experience. I felt seen, heard, and understood, and that process allowed me to let go of some of my resentment and feel excited about actually collaborating with my husband to create a household where everybody's needs are met.
bekwiththespecs12's review against another edition
3.0
Great in theory. Will vary in practice.
Fair Play continues the conversation on division of care tasks in the household. I imagine the Fair Play system can be a great tool in reducing the stress around them as more people become aware of the relationships we have to each other regarding learned roles, emotional labor, and the mental load of everyday life.
I agree with other readers who comment on the redundancy throughout the book including the descriptions of each card and gameplay. However, it helps to illustrate everything that may go on in a household that other family members may not be fully aware of or that those becoming a family may need to become aware of to make life go more smoothly. It also addresses all kinds of questions that may come up in practice.
Obviously, this is not exactly a one size fits all, and the book's primary audience is mothers with children. Still, the system is designed to be custom and improved upon for each family. Plus, it could be a great introduction for couples, too, who may wish to get a head start on having a healthy relationship to routines and division of labor in their home, (and some of the cards may not apply).
Fair Play continues the conversation on division of care tasks in the household. I imagine the Fair Play system can be a great tool in reducing the stress around them as more people become aware of the relationships we have to each other regarding learned roles, emotional labor, and the mental load of everyday life.
I agree with other readers who comment on the redundancy throughout the book including the descriptions of each card and gameplay. However, it helps to illustrate everything that may go on in a household that other family members may not be fully aware of or that those becoming a family may need to become aware of to make life go more smoothly. It also addresses all kinds of questions that may come up in practice.
Obviously, this is not exactly a one size fits all, and the book's primary audience is mothers with children. Still, the system is designed to be custom and improved upon for each family. Plus, it could be a great introduction for couples, too, who may wish to get a head start on having a healthy relationship to routines and division of labor in their home, (and some of the cards may not apply).