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abstab's review against another edition
4.0
audio version - lots of relevant help but some are intangibles or don’t seem helpful
sabashu's review against another edition
4.0
I haven't figured out the best way to review self help books like these since becoming a psychology major. I still try to use these like the general public, holding out hope for the single book that's gonna come along & "fix" everything that's wrong. However, I'm surrounded by a lot of the general subjects, so nothing seems especially novel to me anymore.
Nonetheless, interesting concept & provides helpful information for those who need it. I look forward to more research on this.
Nonetheless, interesting concept & provides helpful information for those who need it. I look forward to more research on this.
adambailey's review against another edition
informative
reflective
fast-paced
5.0
This book really opened my eyes and helped me process some things from my childhood that I couldn't name before.
daeus's review against another edition
4.0
Children don't see what their parents didn't do. This book does an awesome job breaking down different emotionally neglectful parenting styles to see the impact they have on children. As long as you're not trying to fully blame or offload responsibility for behavior/patterns onto parents I think this book could be very insightful for many people. I was not really into the solutions, questionaire, worksheets, and heavy academic stuff (or all of the repitition) - so I took away a star there.
Emotionally neglectful parent types:
1. Narcissist parent: eveything is about the parent/personal.
2. Authority parent: obedience is love, disobedience is perceived as taking love away from parent.
3. Permissive parents: want to be pal over parent, not putting in effort to be a full parent.
4. Grieving parents: distant, child cannot see what isn't there.
5. Addicted parents: like 2 different people. " Children of addicted parents experience the lack of predictability as highly anxiety-provoking. As adults, they are therefore at significantly higher risk to have anxiety disorders and to become addicts themselves than are people who were raised by non-addicted parents. Being a good parent most of the time and a horrible parent once in awhile creates insecure, anxious adults who are just waiting for things to go wrong."
6. Depressed parents: distant and inattentive, child seeks attention from anywhere.
7. Workaholic parent: job is more important that child - hard for child to realize/remember distance. Has external needs met usually.
8. Parent with special needs family member: "when parents are or feel powerless to change the bad things in their children's lives they tend to minimize the effects of those bad things....burden them with a maturity of which he is not really capable." Parents expect no trouble and sometimes get it at a long-term cost.
9. Achievement/perfection focused parent: Similar to narcissist parent. Different between neglectful vs not is support (ie live life through child or supporting child). "All that mattered was 'what does this mean for your future?'"
10. Sociopathic parent: feels no guilt. If can control you, will love you. If cannot control, will despise you. "the single most reliable indicator that you’re dealing with a sociopath is when a person appears to purposely hurt you and then proceeds normally as if they did nothing wrong, and as if you should not be hurt."
Quotes:
- "She wrapped herself in her intelligence like a warm cocoon that nurtured her soul."
- "Do onto yourself as you would do onto others."
- "Notice how this loving but firm voice isn't too easy on you, but neither is it self-destructively tough. The voice takes 4 key steps, it (1) holds you accountable for your mistake without jumping to judgment or blame, (2) helps you think through which part of the mistake is your fault and what part is due to other people or circumstances, (3) determines what to do differently to prevent this error from happening again in the future, (4) helps you realize that you've learned something important from this mistake and let's you put it behind you."
- "Stopping and helping to manage are not the same thing. It's the different between 'big boys don't cry' and 'let's figure out together what's going on here and what we can do about it.'"
- " It’s hard to see that what’s NOT THERE can be more important than what IS there."
- "It refers to the drive to need no one, or more specifically, the fear of being dependent. Counter-dependent people go to great lengths to avoid asking for help, to not appear, or feel, needy. They will make every effort not to rely on another person, even at their own great expense."
- " A primary rule of assertiveness is that anyone has the right to ask you for anything; and you have the equal right to say no, without giving a reason."
Emotionally neglectful parent types:
1. Narcissist parent: eveything is about the parent/personal.
2. Authority parent: obedience is love, disobedience is perceived as taking love away from parent.
3. Permissive parents: want to be pal over parent, not putting in effort to be a full parent.
4. Grieving parents: distant, child cannot see what isn't there.
5. Addicted parents: like 2 different people. " Children of addicted parents experience the lack of predictability as highly anxiety-provoking. As adults, they are therefore at significantly higher risk to have anxiety disorders and to become addicts themselves than are people who were raised by non-addicted parents. Being a good parent most of the time and a horrible parent once in awhile creates insecure, anxious adults who are just waiting for things to go wrong."
6. Depressed parents: distant and inattentive, child seeks attention from anywhere.
7. Workaholic parent: job is more important that child - hard for child to realize/remember distance. Has external needs met usually.
8. Parent with special needs family member: "when parents are or feel powerless to change the bad things in their children's lives they tend to minimize the effects of those bad things....burden them with a maturity of which he is not really capable." Parents expect no trouble and sometimes get it at a long-term cost.
9. Achievement/perfection focused parent: Similar to narcissist parent. Different between neglectful vs not is support (ie live life through child or supporting child). "All that mattered was 'what does this mean for your future?'"
10. Sociopathic parent: feels no guilt. If can control you, will love you. If cannot control, will despise you. "the single most reliable indicator that you’re dealing with a sociopath is when a person appears to purposely hurt you and then proceeds normally as if they did nothing wrong, and as if you should not be hurt."
Quotes:
- "She wrapped herself in her intelligence like a warm cocoon that nurtured her soul."
- "Do onto yourself as you would do onto others."
- "Notice how this loving but firm voice isn't too easy on you, but neither is it self-destructively tough. The voice takes 4 key steps, it (1) holds you accountable for your mistake without jumping to judgment or blame, (2) helps you think through which part of the mistake is your fault and what part is due to other people or circumstances, (3) determines what to do differently to prevent this error from happening again in the future, (4) helps you realize that you've learned something important from this mistake and let's you put it behind you."
- "Stopping and helping to manage are not the same thing. It's the different between 'big boys don't cry' and 'let's figure out together what's going on here and what we can do about it.'"
- " It’s hard to see that what’s NOT THERE can be more important than what IS there."
- "It refers to the drive to need no one, or more specifically, the fear of being dependent. Counter-dependent people go to great lengths to avoid asking for help, to not appear, or feel, needy. They will make every effort not to rely on another person, even at their own great expense."
- " A primary rule of assertiveness is that anyone has the right to ask you for anything; and you have the equal right to say no, without giving a reason."
bassant's review against another edition
I didn't like the writing style.what do you mean self help book written in stories and you tell me actual informations at the end. a paragraph to be exact