vistacanas's review against another edition
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.5
“Knowledge is a funny thing, Isaac. It informs by exposing. It shows you precisely how much you don’t know.”
I was pulled into this story from the Author’s note at the very beginning. Like the author, my father passed without ever admitting, let alone apologizing, for his major emotional shortcomings. Writing this book was a way for Daniel Black to heal the gaping wounds this leaves behind.
I don’t like to compare the pain of two different people. Pain is pain and no one deserves to have their pain diminished. But, I have to say what Isaac, the gay son who is the recipient of his father’s deathbed letters, went through is FAR worse than what I went through.
On top of a typical dysfunctional family, he has the added horrors of the impact of slavery and being black in the U.S., being gay in a subculture that considers it an abhorrence, and the lack of love, tenderness and communication when it was needed most. I honestly don’t know if I would be able to climb out of a hole that deep.
Reading the imagined letters that the reformed father wrote to Isaac was definitely a soothing salve. Many of the things he conveyed explained some of the characteristics and behaviors of my own father (and other men I know and love), so it was helpful for me personally as well.
That being said, I still find it difficult to excuse my middle class white father for his emotional neglect. A black man of the same generation is a whole other story.
I highly recommend this book to anyone with daddy issues stemming from a hyper-stern and inexpressive father born in the early to mid-1900s, as well as anyone walking the path toward anti-racism. It’s a very quick, deeply emotional, and insightful read.
Graphic: Child death, Cancer, Grief, Slavery, Child abuse, Chronic illness, Death of parent, Emotional abuse, Physical abuse, Terminal illness, Classism, Death, Homophobia, Misogyny, Racism, and Sexism
Moderate: Alcoholism
Minor: Bullying and Domestic abuse
sydneybedell's review against another edition
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
5.0
Graphic: Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Homophobia, Misogyny, Sexism, Physical abuse, and Racism
Minor: Abortion
tlaynejones's review against another edition
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? No
5.0
Graphic: Misogyny, Grief, Sexism, Toxic relationship, Homophobia, and Violence
Moderate: Terminal illness, Physical abuse, Emotional abuse, Alcoholism, Racism, and Infidelity
hayleyvharrington's review against another edition
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
5.0
Graphic: Terminal illness, Death, Death of parent, Grief, Murder, Biphobia, Domestic abuse, Bullying, Cancer, Child abuse, Child death, Gun violence, Hate crime, Homophobia, Infidelity, Miscarriage, Physical abuse, Pregnancy, Racism, Sexism, Slavery, and Violence
Moderate: Abandonment, Alcoholism, and Chronic illness
Minor: Alcohol
sup3r_xn0va_maya's review
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? It's complicated
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.5
update: 1 hour later
I had book club and discussed this book with some really cool friends. After talking it out I can see where the author was going with this book. I think my take away is that we should give Black men grace and understand when it comes to the ways they show up in our lives. Some of them might not know the "typical" ways to show love so they show love in the only ways they know.
I'm giving this a 3.5 out of 5 stars.
-
This book is ultimately about generational trauma and Black boy and manhood.
The main character wasn't likeable at all and I didn't like how terrible the main character was. With each confession I just became more and more irritated with the book and him. He was somewhat a grey area character, but to me he was just an unlikeable asshole.
He often complained that he wanted his child to "be a man" and be confident and have strength but every chance the main character has at reaching out to his child to reconcile their relationship, he shys away. So now he's the meek one? Yeah, I don't like that hypocrisy, with as much grief as he gave his son for not acting like "a man", he could have stood up and "been a man" when it came to connecting with his son.
I felt sorry for his family because they had to deal with him. I understand that he is trying to learn and do better as a person, he's so unlikeable that I don't care if he's trying to become a better person. I'm trying to be understanding to his character but it's hard for me.
My friends felt more sympathy than I did for the main character and maybe you will too.
I'm giving this a 3 out of 5 stars.
Graphic: Ableism, Abortion, Adult/minor relationship, Blood, Cancer, Child abuse, Child death, Death, Death of parent, Outing, Cursing, Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Hate crime, Infidelity, Lesbophobia, Miscarriage, Physical abuse, Rape, Suicide, Suicide attempt, Homophobia, Misogyny, Sexism, and Suicidal thoughts
themillennialjareads's review against another edition
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.75
Graphic: Misogyny, Rape, and Sexual violence
Moderate: Physical abuse, Suicide, Death, Homophobia, Child abuse, and Sexism
ethan_bridgesgarcia's review against another edition
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? N/A
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
5.0
What a roller coaster of emotions! This book has all the feels. I don’t know how many time I had to put this book down because of the sole fact that I related so much with the son and how he was treated by his father. The amount of hardships and struggles Jacob went through not just as a man but as a Black man struggling in a world that was already made hard for him by history but to have a gay son as well.
Many of the words Jacob said to Isaac my own father/mother has said to me. I don’t know if it’s a Southern thing but the fact that many of the gay men, or supposed gay men, in this story were called “funny,” only cemented how ignorant some people can be. Upon my own liberation from the closet, my mother asked me if I was funny… and it was the single most hardest silence I’ve ever felt. But for her to dismiss my answer only hurt more. My own father didn’t speak to me for 2 weeks. But now, nearly 10 years later, I’m married, my family has an amazing relationship with me and my husband. But still I would recommend this to any parent struggling with their kid’s sexuality.
This book Daniel Black has brought forth to the world had me in a whirlwind of tears and laughter and anger. In the particular scene of a friend suffering from AIDS comes to visit Isaac but Jacob stops to inform him that his son had moved away. I ugly cried for 20 minutes. The fact that Jacob was disgusted by how the young man looked, with sores and emaciated look to him. Jacob’s only thought was that his son would never sink that low to get the “gay disease.”
This book is possibly my favorite book I’ve read all year and I will recommend it to anyone. Just make sure you have tissues. In fact, make it a crying towel. There’s a lot of tears to be shed.
Moderate: Domestic abuse, Child abuse, Pregnancy, Violence, Alcoholism, Body shaming, Child death, Chronic illness, Classism, Emotional abuse, Grief, Homophobia, Racism, Abortion, Cancer, Death, Death of parent, Terminal illness, Bullying, Hate crime, Miscarriage, Physical abuse, Racial slurs, Sexism, Slavery, and Toxic relationship
buttermellow's review against another edition
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
5.0
Graphic: Sexual violence and Homophobia
Moderate: Child abuse, Racism, Cancer, Death of parent, Misogyny, Physical abuse, Sexism, and Bullying
Minor: Infidelity and Medical content
danileah07's review against another edition
2.0
Graphic: Sexism, Child abuse, Racism, Homophobia, Misogyny, and Domestic abuse
Moderate: Death, Sexual assault, Death of parent, and Suicide
Minor: Animal cruelty and Abortion
ehernandez's review against another edition
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
4.75
Graphic: Homophobia, Domestic abuse, Racism, Emotional abuse, Child abuse, Sexism, and Sexual violence