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bootman's review against another edition
5.0
I’ve heard a lot of great things about the books from Will Storr, so I finally decided to give one of his books a try. After finishing this book, I can honestly say that I completely understand what all of the hype is about. Storr is an excellent writer, researcher, and storyteller, and this book really kept me engaged from start to finish. Before grabbing this book, I was concerned that it was just going to be another one of those “social media bad” books, but Will Storr does an incredible job telling the story of how humans evolved for social connection. He then goes on to explain how modern cultural shifts, such as the self-help craze and social media, have disrupted the way we view ourselves and our relationships with others.
This book has a great combination of stories, interviews, and scientific research. There was only one chapter that I wasn’t a huge fan of because it was basically just the story of a self-obsessed young woman, but this is just my personal taste because I’m more of a fan of study-based writing. But for people who really enjoy stories that paint a picture and support the arguments and opinions of the writer, I’m sure you’ll love that chapter. At the end of the day, I feel this is an extremely important book for anyone trying to better understand our relationship to social media, ourselves, and others. You may begin to understand why you’re so self-critical, and maybe you’ll learn to cut yourself some slack. And if you’re a parent or teacher, you’ll have a better idea of what younger generations are dealing with, so you can provide better support.
This was an excellent book, and I really appreciate Will Storr’s curiosity about various subjects. I can’t wait to dive into some more of his books.
This book has a great combination of stories, interviews, and scientific research. There was only one chapter that I wasn’t a huge fan of because it was basically just the story of a self-obsessed young woman, but this is just my personal taste because I’m more of a fan of study-based writing. But for people who really enjoy stories that paint a picture and support the arguments and opinions of the writer, I’m sure you’ll love that chapter. At the end of the day, I feel this is an extremely important book for anyone trying to better understand our relationship to social media, ourselves, and others. You may begin to understand why you’re so self-critical, and maybe you’ll learn to cut yourself some slack. And if you’re a parent or teacher, you’ll have a better idea of what younger generations are dealing with, so you can provide better support.
This was an excellent book, and I really appreciate Will Storr’s curiosity about various subjects. I can’t wait to dive into some more of his books.
jhrnr99's review against another edition
informative
reflective
medium-paced
4.25
Extremely interesting dig into the culture we live in. Some people seem to think it's dense and aimless, but for the most part i loved the deeper dives that really gave context to everything. Great read.
cancermoononhigh's review against another edition
funny
informative
reflective
medium-paced
3.75
This book was a really good read. I appreciated how the author was so open and put himself in different situations to learn. Ever since my friend committed suicide last August I really try to be more empathetic and look at situations differently. This book was helpful in that regard. I mainly focused on that section of the book and that of self esteem since my generation seems to parent to that more so than previous generations. I did love his time with the Monks and the time out in LA with the tech geeks.
A truer picture of todays burden on the female sex can only be glimpsed by widening our scope from suicide to include self harm and eating disorders, conditions which disproportionately affect women and which also, significantly, have perfectionism as a predictor. Since the emergence of social media, eating disorders and body dysmorphia in the US and the UK has risen by 30%. In the US anxiety and depression have been rising in adolescents since 2012. A study was done among a survey in which 56% of friends and family members of someone who killed themselves referred to the deceased as a "perfectionist." Mothers of male suicide victims found that 71% of them said their sons placed "exceedingly high" demands on themselves. There is a strong link between perfectionism and suicide. One study described perfectionists as being locked in an endless loop of self-defeating over striving in which each new task is another opportunity for hard self rebuke, disappointment and failure.
There was a test involving videos of fish that show Chinese people tend to put their behavior down to factors in their environment while Americans blame the character and wills of the fish themselves. With a study of two mass murderers, American journalists tended to blame the flaws in the killers characters, they suffered from a very bad temper or were mentally unstable. The Chinese reporters emphasized problems in their external lives, loss of a job. The Chinese were more likely to blame life pressures for the killer's actions. Another study was done that implied Asians don't feel in control of their lives as Westerners, but they don't need to be. Among Chinese students its the humble and hardworking kids that are popular. The Chinese are willing to accept the idea of unjustly punishing someone if it makes the group better off, which is an outrage to Westerners who are so individual rights orientated.
In Confucian cultures people's reasons for dying are often different than ours. In the East its those who neglect their duty to bring harmony to the group who are more likely considered failures. For women in this society that can mean duty to the family. If you cannot take care of your children, you kill your children and you kill yourself. South Korea has by some counts the second highest suicide rates in the world. Around 40 South Koreans take their own lives every day.
Efforts to boost self-esteem did not improve school performance. If anything it was counterproductive. It didn't make people more likeable or increase the quality of their relationships. High self esteem did make you feel good, people with high self esteem take action because they think they know what is right. Hitler had high self esteem and plenty of initiative too but those who hardly guarantees of ethical behavior. Today psychologists have much tempered view of self esteem. Its now thought that people with too much of it will fail more, because they're in denial of their own weaknesses. They've also been found to engage in self-defeating behavior, prior to a challenge, so they have a ready excuse if they fail.
By the mid 2000's, when the children of the self-esteem generation had become parents, the problem was accelerating Narcissism. Narcissism causes a lot all of the things Americans hoped high self esteem would prevent, including aggression, materialism, lack of caring for others and shallow values. The more parents overvalued their kids, the more narcissistic their kids had become six months later. There was no evidence that no evidence that the lack of parental warmth or affection predicted narcissism.
A truer picture of todays burden on the female sex can only be glimpsed by widening our scope from suicide to include self harm and eating disorders, conditions which disproportionately affect women and which also, significantly, have perfectionism as a predictor. Since the emergence of social media, eating disorders and body dysmorphia in the US and the UK has risen by 30%. In the US anxiety and depression have been rising in adolescents since 2012. A study was done among a survey in which 56% of friends and family members of someone who killed themselves referred to the deceased as a "perfectionist." Mothers of male suicide victims found that 71% of them said their sons placed "exceedingly high" demands on themselves. There is a strong link between perfectionism and suicide. One study described perfectionists as being locked in an endless loop of self-defeating over striving in which each new task is another opportunity for hard self rebuke, disappointment and failure.
There was a test involving videos of fish that show Chinese people tend to put their behavior down to factors in their environment while Americans blame the character and wills of the fish themselves. With a study of two mass murderers, American journalists tended to blame the flaws in the killers characters, they suffered from a very bad temper or were mentally unstable. The Chinese reporters emphasized problems in their external lives, loss of a job. The Chinese were more likely to blame life pressures for the killer's actions. Another study was done that implied Asians don't feel in control of their lives as Westerners, but they don't need to be. Among Chinese students its the humble and hardworking kids that are popular. The Chinese are willing to accept the idea of unjustly punishing someone if it makes the group better off, which is an outrage to Westerners who are so individual rights orientated.
In Confucian cultures people's reasons for dying are often different than ours. In the East its those who neglect their duty to bring harmony to the group who are more likely considered failures. For women in this society that can mean duty to the family. If you cannot take care of your children, you kill your children and you kill yourself. South Korea has by some counts the second highest suicide rates in the world. Around 40 South Koreans take their own lives every day.
Efforts to boost self-esteem did not improve school performance. If anything it was counterproductive. It didn't make people more likeable or increase the quality of their relationships. High self esteem did make you feel good, people with high self esteem take action because they think they know what is right. Hitler had high self esteem and plenty of initiative too but those who hardly guarantees of ethical behavior. Today psychologists have much tempered view of self esteem. Its now thought that people with too much of it will fail more, because they're in denial of their own weaknesses. They've also been found to engage in self-defeating behavior, prior to a challenge, so they have a ready excuse if they fail.
By the mid 2000's, when the children of the self-esteem generation had become parents, the problem was accelerating Narcissism. Narcissism causes a lot all of the things Americans hoped high self esteem would prevent, including aggression, materialism, lack of caring for others and shallow values. The more parents overvalued their kids, the more narcissistic their kids had become six months later. There was no evidence that no evidence that the lack of parental warmth or affection predicted narcissism.
dkel10's review against another edition
informative
slow-paced
3.75
Interesting discussion on the origin of our senses of self. Didn't resonate with me as much after the first few chapters but overall a worthwhile read
fragrantwoodshavings's review against another edition
challenging
informative
reflective
slow-paced
4.5
snoakes7001's review against another edition
5.0
Selfie is a compelling and immersive investigation into the rise of the Western world's love of the self. Starting in Ancient Greece with Aristotle, Will Storr tracks the rise of our self regard and the equivalent fall of our belief in community and the common good.
It's always fascinating and highlights many things that I either knew nothing about or had never considered seriously before. More often than not is is also highly disturbing. He examines the Self Esteem movement that started in California (where else!). The belief is that many of society's ills such as alcoholism and unemployment are due to low self esteem and that by raising it in everybody we will create a society of well-balanced productive individuals. When backed up by some dodgy reporting of scientific research, this soon began to influence government policy in America and the UK. Unfortunately having self esteem that outstrips personal ability actually leads to narcissism and in turn to depression or violence and increasing suicide rates. He then links this to the self-serving neoliberalism so loved of Thatcher and Reagan; free markets, the reduction of state welfare, citizens redefined as consumers, the rich getting richer while the poor get poorer, and if you are one of the have-nots, then it's your own fault for being unenterprising. Depressing stuff that ultimately leads us to identity politics and the horrible mess we find ourselves in today where a repellent narcissist like Trump can become president.
As well as being an in-depth, well researched and absorbing piece of reporting, it is clearly also a personal journey - in places it's extremely candid as he bares his soul in situations he understandably finds very uncomfortable. Highly recommended.
It's always fascinating and highlights many things that I either knew nothing about or had never considered seriously before. More often than not is is also highly disturbing. He examines the Self Esteem movement that started in California (where else!). The belief is that many of society's ills such as alcoholism and unemployment are due to low self esteem and that by raising it in everybody we will create a society of well-balanced productive individuals. When backed up by some dodgy reporting of scientific research, this soon began to influence government policy in America and the UK. Unfortunately having self esteem that outstrips personal ability actually leads to narcissism and in turn to depression or violence and increasing suicide rates. He then links this to the self-serving neoliberalism so loved of Thatcher and Reagan; free markets, the reduction of state welfare, citizens redefined as consumers, the rich getting richer while the poor get poorer, and if you are one of the have-nots, then it's your own fault for being unenterprising. Depressing stuff that ultimately leads us to identity politics and the horrible mess we find ourselves in today where a repellent narcissist like Trump can become president.
As well as being an in-depth, well researched and absorbing piece of reporting, it is clearly also a personal journey - in places it's extremely candid as he bares his soul in situations he understandably finds very uncomfortable. Highly recommended.