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kamin8882's review against another edition
challenging
dark
emotional
informative
reflective
sad
tense
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
5.0
Content Warnings
Graphic: Domestic abuse, Mental illness, Suicidal thoughts, Toxic relationship, and Gaslighting
Moderate: Genocide and Death of parent
rberdan's review against another edition
emotional
reflective
slow-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.0
This is the first book I've written by Etaf Rum. I can see from many other reviews that what is consistent about this author is her ability to bring the reader into the emotional reality of the character.
This story was a pretty deep dive into the internal and external life of Yara, a young wife and mother who holds the weight of cultural expectations while longing for a different path. It follows her experience with the judgment of others as she slowly begins to look within herself to see who she can become on the other side of grief and trauma. As a whole, that unravels in a way that feels very real (and aligned with some of my own experience), even if it is hard to be in the emotional places Yara has to go through in order to heal.
I think the moments I struggled with in the book come down to forgetting how young Yara is as she navigates life. Also, I think her husband's dismissive behaviour was really difficult to sit through; though it's not an excuse for how unkind he could be to his wife, I got the impression his behaviour had a lot to do with a combination of immaturity and also wanting a different path than his family and community would see him follow. I suspect because it was a good reflection of reality, I found some of the racism Yara experienced really hard to endure, and I'm white.
I appreciated seeing Yara find her own inner strength and how she got into real talk with her daughters so they could have a different experience than she did. I loved how her supportive friendship became such a lovely touchstone for her. I appreciated how the book treated her relationship with her mother, in particular the importance of understanding the role of a child vs. the role of a parent and the journey of forgiveness that can make way for so much healing. The ending was so wonderfully hopeful.
This was a hard and beautiful read. I think I would have rated this higher when I was in a life stage that more closely aligned with Yara's as I think I would have benefited from more insight than I was able to get from this book at this point in my life.
This story was a pretty deep dive into the internal and external life of Yara, a young wife and mother who holds the weight of cultural expectations while longing for a different path. It follows her experience with the judgment of others as she slowly begins to look within herself to see who she can become on the other side of grief and trauma. As a whole, that unravels in a way that feels very real (and aligned with some of my own experience), even if it is hard to be in the emotional places Yara has to go through in order to heal.
I think the moments I struggled with in the book come down to forgetting how young Yara is as she navigates life. Also, I think her husband's dismissive behaviour was really difficult to sit through; though it's not an excuse for how unkind he could be to his wife, I got the impression his behaviour had a lot to do with a combination of immaturity and also wanting a different path than his family and community would see him follow. I suspect because it was a good reflection of reality, I found some of the racism Yara experienced really hard to endure, and I'm white.
I appreciated seeing Yara find her own inner strength and how she got into real talk with her daughters so they could have a different experience than she did. I loved how her supportive friendship became such a lovely touchstone for her. I appreciated how the book treated her relationship with her mother, in particular the importance of understanding the role of a child vs. the role of a parent and the journey of forgiveness that can make way for so much healing. The ending was so wonderfully hopeful.
This was a hard and beautiful read. I think I would have rated this higher when I was in a life stage that more closely aligned with Yara's as I think I would have benefited from more insight than I was able to get from this book at this point in my life.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Domestic abuse, Mental illness, Misogyny, Racism, Suicidal thoughts, Toxic relationship, Xenophobia, Islamophobia, Gaslighting, and Colonisation
Moderate: Genocide, Infidelity, Grief, and Death of parent
theoceanrose's review against another edition
emotional
hopeful
sad
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.75
Content Warnings
Moderate: Mental illness, Suicidal thoughts, and Gaslighting
Minor: Domestic abuse and War
campisforever's review against another edition
challenging
dark
emotional
hopeful
informative
sad
tense
slow-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.0
This book is a really, really difficult one in which to get immersed if you're not into internal or cerebral plots (like me). It's also an honest, raw look into generational trauma, complex PTSD (C-PTSD), depression, and suicidal ideation. That said, Evil Eye is gorgeously written and well worth it. It took me quite a while to get through (a few days over six months) because I had to pick it up and put it down several times. The only thing that really worked for me was transitioning to listening to it on Spotify and tracking the reading with the pages in my physical copy. Making this change helped me, as a highly visual person, take a small step back from having to experience the raw feelings of the novel and gave me breathing room to react. Once I was able to get that room, I appreciated the story much more.
For the question about whether I found the characters loveable I said "It's complicated." Let me explain:I love Yara deeply, I love Mira and Jude, and I love Silas and Josephine. I had strong reactions to Fadi, his family, and Yara's family in many ways, but to say they weren't "loveable" wouldn't necessarily be fair, since that's the point of the whole book. I think a fairer way to put it is that I was frustrated by how Fadi, etc., just wouldn't listen to Yara when Yara was working so hard on herself.
Also, if you're an academic, the first third might be frustrating, but it will pass, I promise. In general, I think that if you have the patience to give this book time, it will give what it needs to. In the end I was genuinely moved, but it's not something I would recommend blindly.
For the question about whether I found the characters loveable I said "It's complicated." Let me explain:
Also, if you're an academic, the first third might be frustrating, but it will pass, I promise. In general, I think that if you have the patience to give this book time, it will give what it needs to. In the end I was genuinely moved, but it's not something I would recommend blindly.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Mental illness, Misogyny, Panic attacks/disorders, and Toxic relationship
Moderate: Physical abuse, Suicidal thoughts, Violence, Death of parent, and Gaslighting
Minor: Genocide, Xenophobia, Islamophobia, and Colonisation
Domestic and physical abuse situations are referenced in the past and somewhat "offscreen" but they're still present and visceral. Misogyny is inherent in various treatment of the main character. Suicidal ideation is present, but not violent necessarily--potentially passive ideation. References to Colonization and genocide are in the context of stories about the 1948 Nakba (forced dispossession and genocide of Palestinians perpetrated by Israel). Islamophobia and xenophobia are present in offhanded--but relevant--comments by others about the main character's "culture" (in scare quotes because how they treat it is a fundamental misunderstanding).thunderling's review against another edition
dark
emotional
hopeful
reflective
tense
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
5.0
god, this book...i finished it in one day. this book made me feel everything. i was angry about 70% of the time because the gaslighting was doing my head in. but that's the sign of a good author because golly does she make you feel.
i'm not one for character-driven books because i find that the plot usually falls on the wayside but etaf rum does a wonderful job by exploring yara's journey. the writing is beautiful but not too flowery so it didn't fall flat. i was so invested in yara's journey and i didn't understand why people said it was boring. perhaps because i relate so heavily to yara's identity!
my one tiny critique is that i wish the whole situation about the trip was less insistent. i think if etaf rum had shown howfadi isn't emotionally invested in his wife's interests some other way that would have been more impactful. but honestly, it's not major that i would lessen my rating.
i also wish we got more of silas! i thoroughly enjoyed his friendship with yara.
it's definitely a book that will stay with me for a looong time. definitely gonna read a woman is no man next!
i'm not one for character-driven books because i find that the plot usually falls on the wayside but etaf rum does a wonderful job by exploring yara's journey. the writing is beautiful but not too flowery so it didn't fall flat. i was so invested in yara's journey and i didn't understand why people said it was boring. perhaps because i relate so heavily to yara's identity!
my one tiny critique is that i wish the whole situation about the trip was less insistent. i think if etaf rum had shown how
i also wish we got more of silas! i thoroughly enjoyed his friendship with yara.
it's definitely a book that will stay with me for a looong time. definitely gonna read a woman is no man next!
Content Warnings
Graphic: Child abuse, Domestic abuse, Mental illness, Sexism, Gaslighting, and Colonisation
Moderate: Racism, Toxic relationship, and Grief
Minor: Homophobia, Suicidal thoughts, and Death of parent
lilawsahar's review against another edition
challenging
emotional
hopeful
reflective
sad
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated
3.75
Yara’s story was really relatable as a second generation middle eastern immigrant. My family is also worried about reputation and remembering the privilege we have in America that my dad didn’t have. That pressure is a heavy burden to carry. This book made me feel seen.
I’m glad Yara was able to get the help she needed and build the support system to leave her husband. She deserves to break the trauma cycle and be happy.
<spoiler/>
I’m glad Yara was able to get the help she needed and build the support system to leave her husband. She deserves to break the trauma cycle and be happy.
<spoiler/>
Content Warnings
Graphic: Domestic abuse, Mental illness, Toxic relationship, Violence, Death of parent, and Gaslighting
Moderate: Suicidal thoughts
mrlsdevos's review against another edition
challenging
dark
emotional
hopeful
inspiring
reflective
sad
tense
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.0
Content Warnings
Moderate: Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Mental illness, Misogyny, Physical abuse, Sexism, Toxic relationship, Violence, Grief, Death of parent, and Gaslighting
booksbagsandbadideas's review against another edition
emotional
hopeful
reflective
sad
slow-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
5.0
This book is such a gut punch. There are many important conversations had and emotions at play; everything from depression to generational trauma which is so important, but can definitely be hard to read.
Rather than flashbacks to provide the historical context, we visit Yara’s journal where she is telling the stories from her childhood that have stuck with her and had a far greater impact than she had previously believed.
I saw some other reviews comment that there was too much repetition and though I see where they are coming from, I don’t know that those reviewers have ever been in a place mentally or emotionally where you keep spiraling and can’t move passed certain events/feelings. Though repeating the same struggles may not make for as engaging a story, I feel it makes for a more accurate one.
I highly recommend this book though I also highly recommend that people check out the content warnings if they are concerned about triggering elements.
Rather than flashbacks to provide the historical context, we visit Yara’s journal where she is telling the stories from her childhood that have stuck with her and had a far greater impact than she had previously believed.
I saw some other reviews comment that there was too much repetition and though I see where they are coming from, I don’t know that those reviewers have ever been in a place mentally or emotionally where you keep spiraling and can’t move passed certain events/feelings. Though repeating the same struggles may not make for as engaging a story, I feel it makes for a more accurate one.
I highly recommend this book though I also highly recommend that people check out the content warnings if they are concerned about triggering elements.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Domestic abuse
Moderate: Death of parent and Gaslighting
cody_crumley's review against another edition
challenging
dark
emotional
reflective
sad
tense
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
5.0
“Who cares what the world sees if you can’t even stand to look at yourself?”
This might be one of the hardest reviews I have had to write for a bookclub book in a while. This book hit me emotionally in a place that I have not visited since my father died.
The way that Etaf Rum’s writing handles the descriptions of mental health and associated themes like micro and macro aggressions that the main character Yara has thrown at her. The way the author describes intergenerational family trauma. A lot of books that try to focus on mental health themes like they miss the finer details or only graze the surface. The fact that Rum is able to paint in the grey area with such delicate touches, like being able to show Yara’s mother as both a terrible victim of mental/physical abuse from her husband but also a perpetrator of mental abuse to Yara as a child.
Yara and Fadi’s marriage has a lot of similarities to my parents marriage. Two people who probably should not have gotten married, rushed into a relationship/marriage because of outside influences and circumstances. Every dialogue conversation between Fadi and Yara, like when Yara asked him to help with cleaning up transported me back to when I was a child and the same conversation would have between them.
The overall depiction of mental health was stellar. The interaction with Yara and the first counselor, which does a wonderful job of portraying the gender dynamics when the therapist is male and the patient is female. The journey Yara goes on through this book to stop blaming herself for what happened during her childhood while actually sitting with her emotions is extremely powerful and should be required reading for anyone that has similar problems.
I also think reading this book right now is more important than ever because what is happening to Palestine via the genocide perpetrated by Israel. This looks into the cultural trauma that a Palestinian-American can go through, not being able to go back to where they are from because of human atrocities delivered by an entire country is sickening.
While I don’t think that everyone who reads this will be impacted like I was, I still would recommend this book to everyone because of the subject matter and it’s current relevance to the current situation in Palestine.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Panic attacks/disorders, Physical abuse, and Toxic relationship
Moderate: Mental illness, Suicidal thoughts, and Gaslighting
theboricuabookworm's review against another edition
emotional
inspiring
fast-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
5.0
I knew this book was going to wreck me, especially after reading A Woman is No Man but reading this, which followed many of the same themes but also many new ones of A Woman is No Man, was such a emotional rollercoaster. I'm going to need everyone to pick up a book by Etaf Rum (preferably all of them). The way that Etaf can create a story of women, especially daughters of immigrants, who come from a background of such pain and grief is something I think everyone needs to experience. Her works are literally indescribable.
Yara, I saw so much of myself in her. How her anxiety would manifest, how once she gave words to what was she feeling, only then was she able to start on her journey of healing and acceptance. I'm so glad that even though Yara had poor therapy experiences prior to Esther, she did not let that dissuade her from going back and trying again and realizing the importance of having someone to talk to. When Esther said: "There is no hierarchy of pain when it comes to traumatic experiences." I wanted to reach into the book and hug her. She was not the perfect therapist but she is one that helped Yara come to terms with how she had been living her life until that point and how she can make it better for herself and her daughters.
Every time someone asked if she had someone she could talk to or rely on and she would reply in the negative was such a gut punch. That loneliness is so visceral and it crept up on her before she knew it. But how she became more open to letting people in, even unwittingly at first, had me smiling through my tears.
I know my words and review will never be able to do justice to the way Etaf wove such a heartbreaking yet restorative story of breaking generational cycles and realizing that while you have such immense privilege that others prior to you and adjacent to you do not, you are still valid in your feelings and your grief.
Yara, I saw so much of myself in her. How her anxiety would manifest, how once she gave words to what was she feeling, only then was she able to start on her journey of healing and acceptance. I'm so glad that even though Yara had poor therapy experiences prior to Esther, she did not let that dissuade her from going back and trying again and realizing the importance of having someone to talk to. When Esther said: "There is no hierarchy of pain when it comes to traumatic experiences." I wanted to reach into the book and hug her. She was not the perfect therapist but she is one that helped Yara come to terms with how she had been living her life until that point and how she can make it better for herself and her daughters.
I know my words and review will never be able to do justice to the way Etaf wove such a heartbreaking yet restorative story of breaking generational cycles and realizing that while you have such immense privilege that others prior to you and adjacent to you do not, you are still valid in your feelings and your grief.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Emotional abuse, Misogyny, Racism, Sexism, Suicidal thoughts, Grief, Death of parent, and Gaslighting