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koryandreas's review against another edition
4.0
Solid book. Really really want to read more on schema therapy now.
leatherlee's review against another edition
hopeful
informative
reflective
medium-paced
3.5
There is good information here for sure. I especially appreciate thinking about causes of narcissism as I co-parent a child with a person I'd consider - at a minimum - someone with maladaptive narcissistic tendencies.
I have learned a lot from Dan Siegel's parenting books, so heavily-citing them lent credibility to this book.
HOWEVER, one thing that really bothered me is the lack of nuance in the discussion of sex work and pornography. In the author's view, all sex work and pornography are harmful and anyone who engages with them are compulsive self-soothers participating in maladaptive behaviors, betraying their partners, promoting child pornography and trafficking. I'm not suggesting that trafficking and child abuse aren't extremely problematic, but to suggest that all adult entertainers and sex workers are victims is a gross mischaracterization and it takes agency away from them. I think that doing sex work and hiring sex workers *can* be healthy, as can consuming pornography. Neither are *inherently* harmful or destructive as the author suggests.
Bottom line: the author's simplistic moralism around sex does not help the discussion, in my opinion, and if anything this weak position takes away from her credibility.
I have learned a lot from Dan Siegel's parenting books, so heavily-citing them lent credibility to this book.
HOWEVER, one thing that really bothered me is the lack of nuance in the discussion of sex work and pornography. In the author's view, all sex work and pornography are harmful and anyone who engages with them are compulsive self-soothers participating in maladaptive behaviors, betraying their partners, promoting child pornography and trafficking. I'm not suggesting that trafficking and child abuse aren't extremely problematic, but to suggest that all adult entertainers and sex workers are victims is a gross mischaracterization and it takes agency away from them. I think that doing sex work and hiring sex workers *can* be healthy, as can consuming pornography. Neither are *inherently* harmful or destructive as the author suggests.
Bottom line: the author's simplistic moralism around sex does not help the discussion, in my opinion, and if anything this weak position takes away from her credibility.
jencunn2024's review against another edition
3.0
If you need a refresher on techniques or if you need an understanding of narcissism and NPD, this book provides a solid across-the-board overview with downloadable worksheets. I especially appreciated the insights for co-parenting, dealing with a narcissistic parent as an adult, as well as some of the workplace examples. There is a full spectrum of examples and experience the author provides and she does put forth usable and therapeutic methods and techniques. I personally have some general experience with prior books and sources, so I didn’t find much new in this but I do think for most people it would have plenty of new information and ideas to try. I guess I was looking for some more succinct expertise and a-ha moments that I didn’t find. I would recommend this as a resource to a person in need of such.
umutulker's review against another edition
4.0
my purpose for reading this was to find a way around fixing my relationship with my parents enough to at least allow me not feel rage and despair until i can finally let them go and move on with my own life.
the book made me realize a lot of the schemas i have grown up with and the triggers that my parents' behavior cause in my life and the emotions that arise in me with these triggers, and their actual origins in my mind.
the book is mostly focused on fixing relationships with romantic partners and sometimes coworkers, and though it sheds light on a lot about narcissists, it doesn't help a lot with narcissist parents. i still found it useful, but the book didn't serve me as much as i needed.
the book made me realize a lot of the schemas i have grown up with and the triggers that my parents' behavior cause in my life and the emotions that arise in me with these triggers, and their actual origins in my mind.
the book is mostly focused on fixing relationships with romantic partners and sometimes coworkers, and though it sheds light on a lot about narcissists, it doesn't help a lot with narcissist parents. i still found it useful, but the book didn't serve me as much as i needed.
ella_francess's review against another edition
4.0
I picked up this book because of recent interactions with narcissists in my lives, and finding some resources online seemed a bit hit or miss so wanted a comprehensive overview. This was really good more at providing coping strategies then investigating what is up with narcissists, which I'm kind of more interested in. The structure was also a bit complex and hard to follow at points. However, good intro! 4.4/5 stars.
zoeflach's review against another edition
challenging
informative
reflective
medium-paced
3.5
Some helpful stuff but I’m definitely not the Primary audience, I think this book is best for people in romantic relationships, especially marriages, with narcissists
abigaillaurawriter's review
4.0
I found this book very helpful. There's a lot of information that is informative and specific and I felt was incredibly enlightening. The last two chapters were not as applicable for me, but I learned a lot and I'm really happy I read it!