laurenmac05's review against another edition
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
4.25
kstring's review against another edition
3.0
It's hard to apply most of the suggestions in this book to a DINK household, but the principle I'm taking away from this book is the idea of owning an entire task, including its concept, planning, and execution (CPE). If a task gets swapped between partners at any point during CPE, someone will probably end up disappointed or feeling resentful or nagging. Allowing a partner to own an entire task and its CPE opens opportunities to build trust between partners.
susannadkm's review against another edition
inspiring
reflective
slow-paced
3.5
3.5 stars rounded up. Eve Rodsky sets out a great system for dividing up domestic chores between partners, but she unfortunately pairs it with story after story of men's historic and ongoing lack of domestic responsibility. I think the "Fair Play" system could be a lifesaver (haven't tried it out yet), but reading the book could also just lead to increased resentment and bitterness.
I liked the basic outline of the system in chapter 6. First, choose which of the 100 household tasks she's listed are not important for your family based on your values. Second, collaborate with your partner on explicit "minimum standards of care" based on both partners' preferences–the more detailed your standards, the better. Third, decide which person will be responsible to carry out the task. Fourth, reassess the division of labor at a specified time.
Rodsky emphasizes that the same person must do all aspects of each task: "whoever holds a task card Conceives, Plans, and Executes the heck out of it—without reminders, half-ass efforts and excuses, or soliciting a 'good job' for completion." After testing her system, she said, "The couples who adhere to the Fair Play CPE approach experience the most dramatic shifts away from dysfunction, resentment, and passive-aggressive behaviors in their relationship and toward more time-saving efficiency and feelings of fairness in the home."
I really like the invitation to consider your family values and let that impact your tasks and to ask what outcome you want from using the system (less nagging, more clarity on who does what, etc.).
One last thing I liked: Rodsky talks a lot about "unicorn space" (why oh why did she choose that term?!). Unicorn space is time to develop your non-work, non-child-related special interests/passions to share with the world. There is an inspiring section in chapter 11 on exploring what your passion project might be. Rodsky believes this unicorn space is essential to maintaining self after parenthood.
Something that surprised me: "There is no consistent data proving that women are better at multitasking than men." According to Dr Pat Levitt, "Even when folks designed studies to prove that women are better at multitasking, nothing was really there. My guess is that women are doing more of the household organization and domestic work not because her biological variation makes her better at it, but because of culture influence." (However there was no footnote to check out the studies.)
A criticism, more of a pet peeve: Fair Play is presented as a game you play where you deal and redeal a deck of cards which seems silly to me.
I also dislike the subtitle, which is an utterly unhelpful description that better describes the book Happier Hour. This book is not for just anyone looking to gain time, it's entirely about couples and managing the domestic workload.
I listened to the audiobook and then skimmed the ebook.
carrie1352's review against another edition
challenging
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
4.5
I enjoyed the book. I think 15 years ago it would have been a game changer for our relationship. Now with older teenagers, I will use some of the language provided and mold it into what we need for our family.
rjsthumbelina's review against another edition
challenging
funny
hopeful
informative
reflective
medium-paced
3.25
amina_writes_books's review against another edition
2.0
Written for the typical heterosexual family structure, and frankly mostly for stay at home moms. As a single mom i couldn't identify with this book at all. Some valuable tidbits here and there about unicorn time.
katreadsalot's review against another edition
5.0
Definitely a 4.5 star read, this book made me feel seen and heard in a way I haven’t before. Hearing the stories throughout the book and how much they resonate in my own life was gratifying and astounding. Reading personal growth books like these is not the easiest thing for me, but this was very readable and did not feel preachy. It certainly opens up a world of possibilities for my life and for my family.