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shingekiyes's review against another edition
emotional
hopeful
inspiring
reflective
sad
tense
slow-paced
4.5
it feels sacrilegious to rate this below a 5, but i must be true to how i feel. i listened to the audiobook while traveling/sick, so i feel that i would have had a deeper experience if i had read the physical book in an environment more conducive to paying close attention.
(spoilers below)
this book was marketed to me by other readers as a book about “mommy issues.” it is that, but it is mostly a gruesome tale of cancer, death, and grief. it is one thing to reflect on a tense relationship with your mother, it is another to endure the trauma of stage four cancer, being a full-time caretaker, watching your parent die prematurely, and being left with a deep sense of regret and resentment with absolutely no closure. this is a book i would recommend (lightly) to friends who have had similar experiences who want to feel validated in their complex feelings about their parents. not everyone has “mommy moms” as Michelle puts it, and that’s okay.
i read a lot of books about mommy issues. i have mommy issues. and this memoir was absolutely visceral, but not in the ways i expected.
i loved how the story of Michelle and Chongmi was told through food, art, and music. Michelle has a way with words… you can tell she is gifted beyond the scope of her nonfiction writing. i felt like i could listen to her narrate recipes and grocery lists all day and not get bored.
while the elements of Michelle’s Korean identity were not applicable to my own experience, i could really feel her pain and understood her perspective very clearly. her story of childhood/teenage fear of fetishization, bullying, and othering was really eye-opening. i found myself really relating to her reflection on that time in her adolescence, the time where she would have done anything to separate herself from her mother, and how as an adult she would do anything to keep her mother inside her, embody her. i loved listening to Michelle grow throughout the overarching timeline. i loved seeing her embrace her Korean heritage, Korean food, Korean family, despite feeling alienated by it at times.
the most emotionally resonant part for me was when Michelle recounts a brief encounter between her and her mother. it was one of the few times they were along together, and Michelle remarked that it was nice that they were finally getting along as a mother and daughter should—they finally had something to talk about. Her mother looks to her and says she finally realized, “I have never met someone like you before.”
this memory—of finally arriving at the turning point in their relationship, with years ahead of understanding and possible friendship to look forward to—made Chongmi’s diagnosis all the more devastating. Michelle rightfully felt cheated out of “good years” with her mother, and i genuinely could feel her the ache of disappointment and the heat of her rage through her narration.
not only was that anger and regret very potent, but the related feeling of resentment towards her mother. questions of my own, painfully relatable, relationship with my family flooded my mind as i listened to Michelle’s flabbergasted response: what do you mean you never met someone like me before? you made me, you created me, i am you, you are me… why couldn’t we see that before? and why did it matter? why did you need to know me and understand me to love me?
throughout the book, one theme is abundantly clear: it is okay to have mixed feelings about our parents. it is okay to yearn for their love and approval, but know that they are flawed people too. we do not have to forgive them, but we must acknowledge their impact on our lives, and to a certain extent, their love.
also—as we get older, we begin to see our parents within us (like Chongmi’s art/paintings and Michelle’s music), and that’s okay. even if they hurt us, we are not them. we can hold pieces of them without being hurt again. there is hope for deeper connection, too, should we want for it.
in the end, i listened to Japanese Breakfast’s first album, Psychopomp as i reflected on the book. i was deeply touched by the influence of grief and growth on the band’s music, and seeing the album cover made me tear up. it is lovely to see that, despite the turmoil in their relationship, Michelle could honor her mother through her art.
Michelle Zauner has a unique and inspiring voice. this was a great read and i will definitely be coming back to it as i age and as i, hopefully, one day, reach that vital turning point with my own mother.
(spoilers below)
this book was marketed to me by other readers as a book about “mommy issues.” it is that, but it is mostly a gruesome tale of cancer, death, and grief. it is one thing to reflect on a tense relationship with your mother, it is another to endure the trauma of stage four cancer, being a full-time caretaker, watching your parent die prematurely, and being left with a deep sense of regret and resentment with absolutely no closure. this is a book i would recommend (lightly) to friends who have had similar experiences who want to feel validated in their complex feelings about their parents. not everyone has “mommy moms” as Michelle puts it, and that’s okay.
i read a lot of books about mommy issues. i have mommy issues. and this memoir was absolutely visceral, but not in the ways i expected.
i loved how the story of Michelle and Chongmi was told through food, art, and music. Michelle has a way with words… you can tell she is gifted beyond the scope of her nonfiction writing. i felt like i could listen to her narrate recipes and grocery lists all day and not get bored.
while the elements of Michelle’s Korean identity were not applicable to my own experience, i could really feel her pain and understood her perspective very clearly. her story of childhood/teenage fear of fetishization, bullying, and othering was really eye-opening. i found myself really relating to her reflection on that time in her adolescence, the time where she would have done anything to separate herself from her mother, and how as an adult she would do anything to keep her mother inside her, embody her. i loved listening to Michelle grow throughout the overarching timeline. i loved seeing her embrace her Korean heritage, Korean food, Korean family, despite feeling alienated by it at times.
the most emotionally resonant part for me was when Michelle recounts a brief encounter between her and her mother. it was one of the few times they were along together, and Michelle remarked that it was nice that they were finally getting along as a mother and daughter should—they finally had something to talk about. Her mother looks to her and says she finally realized, “I have never met someone like you before.”
this memory—of finally arriving at the turning point in their relationship, with years ahead of understanding and possible friendship to look forward to—made Chongmi’s diagnosis all the more devastating. Michelle rightfully felt cheated out of “good years” with her mother, and i genuinely could feel her the ache of disappointment and the heat of her rage through her narration.
not only was that anger and regret very potent, but the related feeling of resentment towards her mother. questions of my own, painfully relatable, relationship with my family flooded my mind as i listened to Michelle’s flabbergasted response: what do you mean you never met someone like me before? you made me, you created me, i am you, you are me… why couldn’t we see that before? and why did it matter? why did you need to know me and understand me to love me?
throughout the book, one theme is abundantly clear: it is okay to have mixed feelings about our parents. it is okay to yearn for their love and approval, but know that they are flawed people too. we do not have to forgive them, but we must acknowledge their impact on our lives, and to a certain extent, their love.
also—as we get older, we begin to see our parents within us (like Chongmi’s art/paintings and Michelle’s music), and that’s okay. even if they hurt us, we are not them. we can hold pieces of them without being hurt again. there is hope for deeper connection, too, should we want for it.
in the end, i listened to Japanese Breakfast’s first album, Psychopomp as i reflected on the book. i was deeply touched by the influence of grief and growth on the band’s music, and seeing the album cover made me tear up. it is lovely to see that, despite the turmoil in their relationship, Michelle could honor her mother through her art.
Michelle Zauner has a unique and inspiring voice. this was a great read and i will definitely be coming back to it as i age and as i, hopefully, one day, reach that vital turning point with my own mother.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Cancer, Death, Terminal illness, Xenophobia, Grief, and Death of parent
Moderate: Body shaming, Racial slurs, Racism, Toxic relationship, and Alcohol
Minor: Child abuse, Car accident, and Abortion
the_true_monroe's review against another edition
emotional
informative
reflective
sad
medium-paced
4.0
Content Warnings
Graphic: Cancer, Child abuse, Death, Medical content, Grief, Medical trauma, and Death of parent
Moderate: Body shaming, Infidelity, Racism, Xenophobia, and Vomit
Minor: Mental illness, Suicidal thoughts, Abortion, and Abandonment
m_cant_read's review against another edition
emotional
reflective
sad
medium-paced
4.5
This was so beautiful and sad. I'm glad I borrowed an audiobook rather than reading a physical copy because I don't think I would have been able to hold my tears if I actually read it. My mom is still around and this book made me miss her even though I see her nearly everyday. I loved this, and I think listening to Michelle Zauner read this made this so much more gorgeous.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Cancer, Death, Terminal illness, and Death of parent
Minor: Racism, Xenophobia, Medical content, and Car accident
bludgeoned_by_hail's review against another edition
dark
emotional
hopeful
reflective
relaxing
sad
tense
fast-paced
4.0
It took a while to grow on me, but when it did it really did.
I wasn't a fan of the first few chapters, which came across way too personal, the writing not doing enough to really elevate it from venting and airing out dirty laundry (maybe I'm just not a fan of memoirs?).
From her mom's diagnosis onward, the pace shifts dramatically. The unpoetic and unfiltered language makes the excrutiating anguish of her deterioration and ultimate death come through the page with devastating depth, detail and vulnerability. When it finally happens, you are left grappling with the loss and putting the pieces together alongside Zauner. You can almost feel her maturing in real time.
The fact that it ends on a heartwarming note and she's clearly come out the other end is the cherry on top, making it all so much more bearable.
I admire Zauner's honesty and willingness to self-reflect in such a public manner, and wish her all the best.
(Rugged Country hits different now for sure😮💨)
I wasn't a fan of the first few chapters, which came across way too personal, the writing not doing enough to really elevate it from venting and airing out dirty laundry (maybe I'm just not a fan of memoirs?).
From her mom's diagnosis onward, the pace shifts dramatically. The unpoetic and unfiltered language makes the excrutiating anguish of her deterioration and ultimate death come through the page with devastating depth, detail and vulnerability. When it finally happens, you are left grappling with the loss and putting the pieces together alongside Zauner. You can almost feel her maturing in real time.
The fact that it ends on a heartwarming note and she's clearly come out the other end is the cherry on top, making it all so much more bearable.
I admire Zauner's honesty and willingness to self-reflect in such a public manner, and wish her all the best.
(Rugged Country hits different now for sure😮💨)
Content Warnings
Graphic: Terminal illness, Medical content, and Death of parent
Moderate: Physical abuse
Minor: Infidelity, Racism, and Car accident
keanusmom's review against another edition
emotional
reflective
sad
slow-paced
4.5
Content Warnings
Graphic: Death, Racism, and Death of parent
imscrem's review against another edition
challenging
emotional
reflective
sad
medium-paced
4.0
It’s difficult for me to understand how to feel about this book. It’s very sad, and it’s very good. I have yet to experience loss in the way that the author did, but I can only hope that writing this book helped her cope with it.
Some of what the author said about being half Korean/half American resonated with me, although I’m half American half Czech. I often feel lost in my heritage language and culture as well, dismayed when people switch to English to explain things to me, and often expecting others to tell me that I am “enough” to fit in.
It was also nice to recognize the names of Korean foods I’ve learned to cook, and understand a lot of the Korean phrases used throughout the book.
Some of what the author said about being half Korean/half American resonated with me, although I’m half American half Czech. I often feel lost in my heritage language and culture as well, dismayed when people switch to English to explain things to me, and often expecting others to tell me that I am “enough” to fit in.
It was also nice to recognize the names of Korean foods I’ve learned to cook, and understand a lot of the Korean phrases used throughout the book.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Cancer, Death, Terminal illness, Medical content, Grief, and Death of parent
Moderate: Alcoholism, Body shaming, Emotional abuse, Physical abuse, Racism, Car accident, Abortion, and Alcohol
Minor: Infidelity, Rape, and Excrement
annaonthepage's review against another edition
emotional
reflective
sad
slow-paced
4.0
Content Warnings
Graphic: Cancer, Terminal illness, Grief, and Death of parent
Moderate: Death, Fatphobia, Racism, Sexism, and Xenophobia
Minor: Alcoholism and Vomit
edamamebean's review against another edition
challenging
dark
emotional
reflective
sad
5.0
I’m so glad I finally picked this book up. Michelle Zauner tells her story in such a beautifully simple and frank way and then suddenly drops in a detail that guts you. I’m not sure it’s possible to read this book without getting emotional. The audiobook is read by the author and added to the emotional impact of the story as well. A tough read, but worth it.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Cancer, Chronic illness, Death, Racism, Terminal illness, Xenophobia, Medical content, Grief, Medical trauma, and Death of parent
Moderate: Addiction, Infidelity, Abortion, and Alcohol
imds's review against another edition
3.0
Content Warnings
Graphic: Alcoholism, Cancer, Mental illness, Racism, Terminal illness, Medical content, Grief, Car accident, and Death of parent
Minor: Addiction and Abortion
sonjaelisee's review against another edition
emotional
reflective
medium-paced
5.0
Content Warnings
Graphic: Cancer, Grief, and Death of parent
Moderate: Car accident
Minor: Addiction, Alcoholism, Infidelity, Racism, Excrement, and Abortion