Reviews with content warning for Self harm - Heaven

this was both my first kieko kawakmi book and the first book i've read after a very long slump. to avoid falling back into a slump, i kinda overstimulated myself and i decided to read the english edition (while listening to the audiobook) and also the spanish one. and yeah i feel like this hyperstimulation made me understand the book better

although i noticed a couple differences between the editions which me feel like ??? the most jarring one was by the end of the book: while in the spanish edition the narrator has seen his biological mother and, therefore, knows she had a lazy eye too, in the english edition he doesn't. and i thought that's such a small but important detail because it can build or destroy a solid reason to explain his choices.

anyway, have i enjoyed reading this? pretty much! would i reccomend the book? hmmm, it depends; not to everyone, that's for sure. and, of course, check the trigger warnings, because most of them are pretty graphic.

i believe on the main points of the story was to show us a somewhat flat character surrounded by differing opinions on what to do or how to cope with his situation and which one was better to settle for. personally, i like reading stories about characters facing hardships and their choping mechanisms to deal with them and i don't dislike stories that talk about bullying. and i really enjoyed the premise of two hurt people bonding over fear. their friendship was beautiful and, even though it didn't suffer huge changes, it was nice to see how it evolved with time and how they found a safe space in each other's company.

it's a shame that by the end of the book they never got to meet again

but definitely my favorite part was the second half of the book.

i just felt so many emotions while reading it. the volleyball bullying scene was totally the most devastating one in the book and i felt a knot in my stomach while reading it (i even had to take a little pause before i kept reading). however that same gut-wrenching scene led to many outstanding scenes such as the portrayal of the kids' philosophies. while i did not specially agree with their ways, i understood kojima and momose's opposed ideals. i mean, they both made good points at some part of their monologues.
oh and i think one of my favorite relationships in the book was the one the narrator had with his stepmom. at first she seemed like a distant person but by the end of the book both mother and son could find some kind of comfort in each other. and trust me, i was so so happy when he finally told her about the bullying and she made him change schools and later also supported him in the surgery process.

as for the last scene, it was a perfect bittersweet ending to the story.

once again i felt so happy that the main character was healed and saw the beauty of some parts of the city he used to hate so much. but at the same time it was heartbreaking to realize he didn't have anyone to share that beauty with :(

i feel like this could have been a 4 star read if it wasn't for a couple reasons:

the two scenes where we get a fairly detailed description of the narrator, a 14 year old, masturbating.
like yeah i understand how he does it only to calm down when he is feeling super tense and distressed
but they could have totally been black out scenes.
i know i said the philosophy of some characters was interesting (and so is the polarity between them) but.. they're 14. i think at that age one might be able to think of some of those points, but it would have felt more truthful if they were, at least, two years older.

but yeah, overall, i think it's a worthy read!

Content Warnings

mellbutrin's review against another edition

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emotional reflective sad tense medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

3.0

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